[akeshabelle]

Wow thanks for all the great replies.

Just last night I told him about something I would like to do. My workmate's cousin is going to be spending NYE 2010 in Sydney with her, and she wanted to organise a cruise around Sydney Harbour to ring in the new year. I have lived in Sydney my whole life and never experienced anything like that. I told him about it (granted, at $350 per person it's not cheap, but the experience would be just incredible) and again he told me we can't afford it, it's too expensive, he won't know anyone, how will we get home. If we can't come up with $700 together by December something is not right. I almost cried.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live life without him, but something's gotta give. The hardest part is his heart is in the right place, he is saving for our future together and that is wonderful considering a lot of men just drink and party it away. I always feel like the bad guy because he is doing the right, sensible thing by us, but all my young years are just passing me by and I have become so depressed.

Did I mention there is a significant age gap between us?? He is 46 and I am 27, so knowing he had all his fun years where he lived it up and spent it up and I am not doing the same now, hurts double.

[Ashlee T.]

Well I think the age difference may be a large part of the problem. I can totally see where he's at the point where hes lived his "youngin" life and is ready for something different. But I can also totally see where you're at the point in your life to where you are ready to break free as a WOMAN and gain some freedom and independence. I'm 27 also so I sort of get where you are at this point in your life.

Probably you two have alot of love for each other.....but you're at very different places in your life and with that kind of age difference, you always will be. When you're in your mid 50's, he'll be in his mid 70's. That's never going to change. It's a very hard situation to be in because I do believe you love him and want it to work.

I don't know your alls incomes, but I know that you can't hardly fly anywhere (in the US) right now for under $300 round trip. $350 for that cruise on NYE, getting to experience something you never have before, with him and with friends......sounds like a priceless experience. My advice to you....save up your money (and tell him you're doing so). And go take that cruise and ring in the NY in an incredible way...with or without him.

[Mes T]

Hmm. Now that we know the age difference, it really helps to see the situation more fully.

Like you say, he's already HAD all of his experiences, he's HAD his chances to grow into the person he wants to be. And now he feels totally comfortable with how his life is and... changing that will be quite a feat for everyone involved.

I really think, as someone mentioned, you gotta decide between doing all these things without him or just end the relationship all together. It's not fair for you to be so suppressed at a young age.

[akeshabelle]

Probably you two have alot of love for each other.....but you're at very different places in your life and with that kind of age difference, you always will be. When you're in your mid 50's, he'll be in his mid 70's. That's never going to change. It's a very hard situation to be in because I do believe you love him and want it to work.

This part of your post brought tears to my eyes. I DO love him, very very much, but I just feel like I am on one path and he is on another. Up until a little while ago I honestly believed that what he wanted WAS what I wanted, but something was always off, it always felt so... forced. I think I made myself believe I wanted it because it was the sensible thing to do, not because I actually desired it myself... if that makes any sense?? I don't want him to think I have lied to/used him for the past 7 years.

But... am I being naive/unrealistic about wanting to live life to the fullest? He looks at me like I am a fool if I say something like "It's just money, we can make more! Life is here to be lived!!". We are very different people. He is conservative and I am a free spirit. The love is most definitely there but I don't know if it's enough anymore. Does that sound just awful??

[Ashlee T.]

But... am I being naive/unrealistic about wanting to live life to the fullest? He looks at me like I am a fool if I say something like "It's just money, we can make more! Life is here to be lived!!". We are very different people. He is conservative and I am a free spirit. The love is most definitely there but I don't know if it's enough anymore. Does that sound just awful??

Absolutely not. No one is a fool for wanting to live their life to the fullest. No one is a fool for realizing incompatibilities in a relationship and allowing themselves to move on. I think you both are good people who love each other, but are you IN love with each other? You should never find yourself complacent in a relationship. And as long as your expectations in life and relationships are realistic (and from what you've said, they are realistic), then you should never settle.
Can a conservative and a free spirit fall in love and make it work? Sure. But on top of that, you've got a drastic age difference, enough to where he could truly be your father. There's another incompatibility. But that one is sure to never change. I think sometimes people think there has to be a definitive moment to end a relationship. But that's not so. Sometimes two people are incompatible, and one of them has to step up to the plate and say "I love you. But I know this is not going to make me happy long term".

I really think it's important to sit down with him and truly tell him how you're feeling. Tell him what you're telling us about how this all makes you feel. And then you can truly make your decision. But you're certainly not being unrealistic. Just because he's 20 years your senior, doesn't make you naive. You're a grown woman who knows what she wants.....and there's nothing wrong with that.

[akeshabelle]

I think you both are good people who love each other, but are you IN love with each other?

He is definitely in love with me. It feels like more of a friendship to me...

Can a conservative and a free spirit fall in love and make it work? Sure. But on top of that, you've got a drastic age difference, enough to where he could truly be your father. There's another incompatibility.

As we both get older it starts to show more and more.

Just because he's 20 years your senior, doesn't make you naive. You're a grown woman who knows what she wants.....and there's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks, I feel that way too.