[caterpillar79]

Yes, but as proven by Caterpillar79's post women think that men don't want that. The thing is Women don't want to show intrest in a guy at all... just bank in on the attention, intrest, affection, love etc etc the guy is giving them... atleast for a while until they actually reciprocate what the man does.

Wrong notion! Nothing was PROVEN by my opinion, per se. As what Lana said, it is how I feel towards the original poster's issue. And it is not true that women (as you used another generalization - not even saying "some" women) do not want to show interest in a guy...we do. We use body language and believe it or not most of it are even on the subconscious level. We do reciprocate even when we are not asked to.

The OP asked whether she should do the first contact after the first date, others said "go ahead", and I simply didn't. I felt that the guy should be the first to call to see if you (as the lady), enjoyed the date or not. But, I do apologize for being vague, I suppose. i should have said something like: if he have not called for 3 days/nights, then she should go ahead and do her thing - for me, it was just a matter of giving the guy space and time. I was speaking based on experience and what I have read about. It was not a game either. It has a lot to do to how I have been raised, including my belief system - my opinion, that's all.

Everything here is in case-to case basis, so please stop generalizing. Most posters would always answer posts and would most likely base it on their experiences, convictions, readings, thoughts, etc. No one is going to be right or wrong. It is actually healthy to have varying sides as it opens the OP's eyes (as well as the readers/subscribers of this thread), so she can come up with her own, and decide which course of action she will take.

I think women simply don't want men to feel special, they don't want men to feel liked, they dont want men to feel loved. They just want the man to make them feel special, to make them feel liked, to make them feel loved.

You just love to generalize! SOME women are not wired to be extra showy of their emotions, but MOST are. That being said, once the connection is established, most women do an extra mile to make the man in their lives feel that they are appreciated, loved and special.

My wife is from 8,000+ miles (13,000+ kilometers) away from where I lived. I met her when I was on vacation. I gave her my address when we first met, I didn't have her address. She wrote me to start the process of getting to know each other better. I had the letter translated by a friend. This was before the days of cell phones and the internet. Regular phones were unintelligible where she lived and there was a language barrier.

In today's age, communications are much better, but people still play games about who should do what. Some of it is cultural, some is societal, some is one person trying to be in control of the situation. In general I say communicating is better than not, and being yourself is better than faking it. Would you rather pass on someone who would fall in love with you and you with them, just because they didn't play by the rules as you know them? If you communicate, you will soon be able to tell if someone is interested in you and is compatible with you. Yeah, sometimes you have to put yourself out there a bit.

Exactly! Each one's case is special. Some are still playing games, some are not. Some abide by the rules (by whose author, you do not really know!), some to their culture and the way they were raised, among others.

Communication is an art and a means for us to understand the people around us, and be understood by them as well. Communication is a two-way process and it could be verbal and non-verbal, hence, one has to be aware and especially observant and keen in order to pick-up these cues and respond to them appropriately.

Now, going back to the original issue....

How is everything going now, OP? You said you left a message, did he respond already? I think I am getting excited for you...

[emily100]

Ok, after all of that discussion here is what actually happened --- his reply:

he said he was VERY attracted to me and had a really fun time and could see us having more fun times together but he did not see the potential for falling in love with me and that is what he is looking for.

This being after he studied my profile about 5 times after our date. I replied to his message and said I had not thought down the road to whether I could fall in love and thanked him for his thoughtfulness. He then proceeded to once again check out my profile!

I am glad that I did not just let someone who I had an awesome experience with just slip through my fingers without at least trying...

[pretzel]

Ok, after all of that discussion here is what actually happened --- his reply:

he said he was VERY attracted to me and had a really fun time and could see us having more fun times together but he did not see the potential for falling in love with me and that is what he is looking for.

This being after he studied my profile about 5 times after our date. I replied to his message and said I had not thought down the road to whether I could fall in love and thanked him for his thoughtfulness. He then proceeded to once again check out my profile!

I am glad that I did not just let someone who I had an awesome experience with just slip through my fingers without at least trying...

I think you'll find alot of support for this.

Now that you did, and he told you of his feelings, what would happen if in a couple of months and he realizes that his quest for lighting in a bottle (i.e. love at first sight) is the exception not the norm and that finding the right person is really in fact a growing experience, he gets back in touch with you?

[caterpillar79]

Ok, after all of that discussion here is what actually happened --- his reply:

he said he was VERY attracted to me and had a really fun time and could see us having more fun times together but he did not see the potential for falling in love with me and that is what he is looking for.

This being after he studied my profile about 5 times after our date. I replied to his message and said I had not thought down the road to whether I could fall in love and thanked him for his thoughtfulness. He then proceeded to once again check out my profile!

I am glad that I did not just let someone who I had an awesome experience with just slip through my fingers without at least trying...

Glad you did what you did and found out sooner. Had you been like me, you would be left wondering! LOL...

He said he was very attracted to you and enjoyed your time together, but didn't see the potential of falling in love with you? You know what I heard with that as I replayed it in my head? He is still wanting to explore and see what else is out there and when he doesn't find anyone better, he'll probably contact you again. Now it's up to you if you want to go along. Wait and see and maybe you can go for just a casual date, and not invest much of your time and emotions as of yet.

Don't be afraid to get out there and meet more people. Widen your circle and befriend those who are worthy of your friendship. Maybe one of them or even one of their acquaintances you'll end up liking and likes you in return.

I was once advised by a wise woman to go on circular dates for as long as I am not into a committed relationship. I tried and it worked for me in terms of building friendships and having a support system when I was in the dumps.

Good luck in your journey!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Pretzel is right in one way, but I don't think that will happen.

I've seen these "types" of people on the dating sites. They seem to have as Pretzel stated, a " love at first sight", wish, expectation, think they "know what they are looking for", they have boxes and all of those have to be checked and ticked, and he was working through that, viewing your profile.

The problem is the "what if" those type of people will never know, they are not risk takers, they have baggage in my opinion, what they didn't like last time, they're making sure they don't get this time, they are searching for a specific person. How do you find that?

What I am glad about is that he didn't "use you", make you think that he liked you etc only to tell you what he stated, after a few more dates and intimacy.

Your right though at least you tried, you had the guts to pose the question and you got an answer, all be it not what you wanted to hear, it assists in "next?".. and off you go mam

Good luck.. you'll do fine.

[caterpillar79]

Make this your mantra: "It's his loss, not mine!"

[Vixen]

Ok, after all of that discussion here is what actually happened --- his reply:

he said he was VERY attracted to me and had a really fun time and could see us having more fun times together but he did not see the potential for falling in love with me and that is what he is looking for.

This being after he studied my profile about 5 times after our date. I replied to his message and said I had not thought down the road to whether I could fall in love and thanked him for his thoughtfulness. He then proceeded to once again check out my profile!

I am glad that I did not just let someone who I had an awesome experience with just slip through my fingers without at least trying...

I got this one also. At the end of the day though its better knowing exactly what he is thinking, rather than wondering when is he going to contact me or what didnt he like.

I recently went on a date that ended a similar way though we were texting a lot anyway so that contact after the date was easier. I text after the date saying that I had a great time and would like to do it again. The reply was similar, had a great time, your lovely etc but I dont think we want the same things. We talked about this and it worked out we dont, thats not going to stop us chatting though and maybe hanging out.

If it hadnt of been for that communication though I might still be sitting here thinking what a git couldnt even be bothered contacting me etc etc.