[idon't]

This is veeeery hard for me to say or even admit,but i think u're right...the main reason for me to stay with him is beause i love him like noone else in the world,he means everything to me.plus it's too hard to see all my dreams fall appart.we've planned such wonderful things...it's very tough...and there's something else.we've booked tickets for the summer to go to holland.i know it's not that important,but i just wanted to mention it.anyway,i don't know if i'll ever find a guy a can love that much and that can do everything this one does for me.he's really unique,he has lots of qualities and we get along so well that u could say we're siblings!lol!if i can't accept him the way he is,does that mean i don't love him that much as a lover would?because i do!i really do

[idon't]

something else.when i tell him that i'm his comfort zone he gets upset.how can i even make him think about it reasonably?thx

[KMonte85]

I think he's as much your comfort as you are his. He wants to keep you because you get him and he won't have to face what could be a difficult challenge, and he feels you are one of the only people that understands and accepts him. You want to keep him because he is a puzzle piece in how you've planned your dream future and you've known him so long you can't fathom having a connection as close with someone else.

One thing that jumped out at me, was comparing him to a sibling... not sure how you meant that, but it just struck me as sort of interesting given all the talk about being such close friends and being a comfort. I've got an older brother and I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and I would never EVER think if my relationship with my boyfriend in the same way I think of how I feel for my brother. It kinda gives me the ickies just thinking about that... bleh! Maybe I'm reading too much into that statement, but again it just tells me that your bond /connection with him is more "best friends" than lovers, and that you are with each other because its "safe" and "comfortable".

Just because you aren't attracted to someone who is bisexual doesn't mean you love them less. You just love them differently. Think about how much you love all the people in your life, your boyfriend, your family, your friends, even pets, think about how differnet that love is. Love is strong, but it comes in so many different flavors you can't say that one kind is better or stronger than the other. Ultimately, it is up to you how you proceed with this relationship, but to stay because you've dreamed of your life together is no way to live. Dreams are never a guarantee, whether you choose to stay with him or not, so don't bank on that to keep the relationship intact.

[idon't]

haha,yes i know it sounded weird!it's not exactly how i meant it...it's just that i can't exactly describe our connection...The thing now is,is he really bisexual?what do u think?and how can i make him think about the whole thing about the comfort zone?

[Malek]

I think a lot of the problem is that society has programmed most of us to believe that being gay or bisexual is horrible, and you are going to go to for it, etc. Until relatively recently, being gay was included in the approved list of psychological problems that needs to be treated. This is particularly a problem when someone comes from a rigid religious family or community, or has an extremely homophobic parent like your bf does, where they are taught that even having thoughts like that means you will go to . There are still places that "treat" people with gay/bisexual feelings, which is generally a type of torture while they watch gay porn in order to train their body to be repulsed by it.

It is not uncommon for someone who is raised in a situation like that to try and hide from any feelings of attraction, either emotional or sexual, to someone of the same sex. I don't think he is so much hiding being bisexual from you, as he may be hiding from it himself. He absolutely cannot admit to it because to do so would, to his eyes, lessen himself. I'm sure that his entire life his father drilled it into his head that gays were dirty and subhuman.

In the end, I'm not sure someone in this situation would ever be able to admit something like that to themselves, let alone to someone else, particularly their girlfriend. From what I've read, you don't so much have a problem with him being bi, the problem is that he won't admit to it, but I don't think you will ever get him to admit to it if it is true, short of him getting complete amnesia or something. Sometimes a psychologist or psychiatrist can help someone like that get past that block in their mind, but unless the person is willing to talk to someone about it, there really isn't anything anyone can do.

[KMonte85]

I can't tell you if he's bisexual, only he can. From what you've written it seems like it is a definitely possibility that he is bicurious. But also, from what you've written, it seems he is NOT ready to explore or even think about that side of himself yet. He's not ready to analyze himself and his relationship with you, and you can't make him be ready. He may never be ready, and that is 100% his choice in life...

So it is not so much about the is he/isn't he, it is more about how YOU feel, what YOU want in a partner, if YOU'RE willing to accept him as is... what is YOUR choice in life?

[idon't]

Yes,indeed... my head says i shouldn't be with him but my heart says yes...maybe it's a good idea if he starts seeing a therapist to help him open up.Malek is right,he would never admit this to me,especially me.so,i think o doctor would be the right choice as he also has anxiety attacks,to the point he thinks he's gonna pass out,for no reason...anyway...if the problem was only the one with his orientation,maybe i would concider staying with him..but i feel he's way into too me and there are times i can't breathe.

[KMonte85]

If you think he would go to counselling of some sort, then you should definitely try to get him there. I think it may do him a world of good, with his possessiveness, anxiety, and just being able to open up in general. Its worth a shot!

[idon't]

ok!well,thank you very much everybody!u really helped me out!

[idon't]

hey!sorry again but i'm really nervous,i'm going to see him on sunday and i don't know how to start off the conversation.i'm so bad at words.. (