[sourpuss]

He's a mama's boy. She's done everything for him and probably will be that way until the day she dies. Unfortunately, she didn't do him any favors by never teaching him how to take care of (or take pride in) himself. If you stay with him, you'll end up picking up where she left off and you'll be the one doing everything.

I agree that no one really is datable until they've had their heartbroken. Sounds harsh but it's true. You're 20, motivated and want more for yourself. Go get it, and don't feel bad about it. You don't need an overgrown teenager in your life right now, which is basically what he is. Sweetness doesn't matter when it comes to things like this. Of course, it makes it harder but you can't sit around being his mother and taking care of him while your youth passes you by.

[sourpuss]

Yeah,u're both right but everytime i get to talk to him about all this stuff he sais "i'm worthless i must do something!ok i will!" and he seems determined and motivated!but he still doesn't do anything...If i broke up with him now for these reasons he'll take it like a betrayal.

It's not betrayal at all! If he says he's going to do something and then doesn't, it's obvious that he's only saying it to get you to stay. Otherwise he'd do it. I've been in this exact situation before and believe me, it's not worth it. You can always be friends and be in eachother's lives, or one day (when he grows up) you can be together again.

[idon't]

Yep...i guess u're right...i forgot to tell you dumped him for over a year,he couldn't get over me,he blamed me etc and when i talked to him about all these he said he woud change but he didn't.some people can't learn from their mistakes!what can i tell?my older sister had the same problem,she was dating a lazy dog for 10 years ,then dumped him and now she feels she lost 10 years and now she finds it difficult to find someone else.I don't wanna pass through the same and she keeps telling me that i'm ruinng my life.For some reason i don't get her even though i know she may be right.Also,i know his family,we're visiting his grandma and rest of his family waiting to get to know me this summer in holland(a friend of him actually told him that i was gonna dump him after this trip!i don't know why she said that) and you know,all these things make the situation even more difficult.And also i broke his heart one when i left him,if i do that again i'm afraid that he 'll never trust me again...

[sourpuss]

It doesn't matter if he ever trusts you again. What matters is that you do what's good for you and your future before too much time passes.
He may never grow up, but it's not your job to take care of him.

[idon't]

Hmmm...ok!Well,thx everybody!!take care!

[JadedQueen]

Sounds to me like he is a spoiled lazy brat.
I would seriously talk to him and tell him that he is wasting his life, his mom's money for the education he's determined to sleep away. He has no motivation, no drive.... can you see yourself with this type of person long term? Seriously if he can't wake up to go to school what are the odd's he'll be able to hold down a job and earn a living? That's if he can even get a job that wants him after they see how he blew off school.

I would sit him down and tell him that you are finding it difficult to be in a relationship with someone that has absolutely no motivation to get his education or find employment.... .... motivation to get out of bed or pick up his things off the floor. Tell him that if he is this unmotivated now when he's young.... well, I'd hate to imagine how he'll be when old age sets in. Anyway... this guy has a lot of growing up and maturing to do and I'd tell him he better start showing significat progress or you don't plan on sticking around to take over once he leaves his mom's nest. He's a grown man and it's time he starts acting like one or time you found someone else that does.

[idon't]

Yes,i've told him the exact same things over and over and he always tells me "what's your problem?" or "yeah,i'm worthless,i'll change that". I told him that this summer,in order to go to holland with him,i 'll have to work to earn money and he got upset because he won't be able to see me as much as he wants!!that is totally crazy!I suggested him that he found a job as well and he avoided me by changing the subject and when i told him again that he should grab the opportunity he was given to play piano at some piano bar he said "yeah,yeah.." and changed the subject.I really don't know why he acts like that.He's only conerned about me and nothing else to the point it drives me nuts!Now,i'm sick of telling him what to do and even more when i feel i'm talking to a wall!If i didn't love him i would dump him but now i think the best thing to do is to see if he'll take any initiatives next year or else i'm leaving him.I'm afraid that by staying with me he doesn't need or think much about his life.

[Mes T]

What makes you think he has any chance of magically changing within the next year?

Before you know it, you might see 20 years go by, waiting for this guy to change.

[idon't]

I don't know really...It's just what i've been hearing from him.I can't say i believe him but i'll wait so that he will not be able do say i didn't wait etc

[prawnprincess]

Don't hold your breath!

It'd be harder if you wait to break up with him until after you go to Holland.