[Mes T]

Why don't you ask him to give you a time frame. Agree that you will wait for him for one year. Then if he doesn't change by that time, you will have no reason to feel guilty for ending the relationship.

And this is for your sake, not his!

[Guest]

idont, you need to listen to your sister who knows what she's talking about; you have to break up with your bf and you have to do it now for your own good as well as his. (Don't even think of going on that trip.)

What he does after that--whether he wakes up and sees how he's screwing himself along with others or goes on living that pointless, destructive existence--is no longer your problem. Don't let him get to you but do pity him; things could get quite ugly for him if he continues that way (take it from one who learnt it the hard way).

You're only young once so you can't afford to sacrifice your precious life-time on people who can't see that.

(At your age, you have plenty of time to shack-up with someone and have a family later. So you should put those thoughts aside for now and be playing the field right to get valuable experience--and pleasure if you're sexually smart about it. Just be sure to avoid unhealthy situations, for as you can see, it's quite traumatic to get out of them.)

[idon't]

Why don't you ask him to give you a time frame. Agree that you will wait for him for one year. Then if he doesn't change by that time, you will have no reason to feel guilty for ending the relationship.

And this is for your sake, not his!

That's what i'd like to do actually. I can't brake up now because it's not something we have recently talked about and it would be kind of weird for the moment.I must talk to him about all these stuff again and again,give him a time limit and see.

Anteros,i know my sister is right and you too and i see the brake-up coming but why not go to that trip??

[caterpillar79]

Anteros,i know my sister is right and you too and i see the brake-up coming but why not go to that trip??

Butting in...

What's the point of spending time with him if you are going to break it off anyway? If you still want to take a trip down there, do so without him. No point hurting both of you with memories of the trip - good or bad - if you are cutting ties, right?

Just me. I am being subjective I guess. I personally would not allow myself to waste time with/to/on a person whom I will not be with in the long run.

On the other side of the coin, maybe this trip will do you good. I don't know - YOU pick.

[caterpillar79]

P.S.

I missed the reason for your trip so I went back to find it.

I definitely would not go there if I am going to dump the guy. It is like giving him false hopes that you are working it out with him since you are meeting his side of the family.

I felt that way when I was introduced to the bf's family, spent time with them - days in and out - and then got dumped after a couple of weeks. The pain doubled since I got more attachments, whereas if it were only him, it could have been a little bit easier.

[prawnprincess]

If you've been dating him "like forever," and you've already broken up with him once, why would you need another year to see if he will change?

[idon't]

Because,i've been dating him forever!And i love him,i believe in him etc.I want to give him another chance because i don't think he knows how much that bothers me.This morning, i had a pleasant surprise!He told me he went looking for a job at a coffee house and that the guy will call him,otherwise he'll work with his dad.That's a good thing because he took the decision on his own,i didn't tell him anything,i didn't even know he was going to look for a job!That made me happy and i think that if we take that trip and have a good time relaxing i can talk to him and i know he will listen.I don't know if anything will change but i feel like he's going to do sth.Also,this week he spent 3hours a day playing piano,saying that he needed to practise.

[sourpuss]

How long is 'forever'?

[idon't]

lol,good question!Well we're best friends since we were 6!We spent everyday together until now,basically we grew up together.We started dating when we were 15 until we were 18,we broke up for a year,i then left my hometown to study somewhere else,and got back together last year.Voila! long story! i just realized i started this for another reason and finally got to talk about his life!lol.The thing is,i wrote this thread in order to realize what really bothers me about him.His lazyness is an issue of course but when i feel like i don't want him,i don't think about this,i just think i need someone else and i don't understand the reason!

[Guest]

Anteros,i know my sister is right and you too and i see the brake-up coming but why not go to that trip??

You said it yourself:

"Also,i know his family,we're visiting his grandma and rest of his family waiting to get to know me this summer in holland(a friend of him actually told him that i was gonna dump him after this trip!i don't know why she said that)..."

When you go to visit an SO's family, it cements the deal. If you break up afterwards, it looks really cheap, like you waited so you could take advantage and get a vacation in the process. If you're aware of what that looks like morally, it will cause you to re-think breaking up later and you'll be in the same situation.

The friend probably just saw the obvious. I'm not saying your bf's bad; he just has issues and they're holding you down. One of his issues--most of them are issues of morality btw--is using guilt to make you stay.

Assuming you trust your sister, then you're basically telling her you don't trust her by not heeding her advice--which makes you look bad considering that advice coincides with your own better judgment.

If you're worried about his feelings, well his trust is not a factor here; he's the one causing the problem (maybe you are too but that's beside the point). Guys can be clingy--not an attractive trait btw--and who can blame them when you consider that they'd be losing the chance to have regular sex with an attractive girl. They'll find and justification for keeping a girl within reach. You've even said that he can't be trusted to commit to anything or fulfil his responsibilities.

I'd say that by giving him exclusive rights to you, you;re robbing all the other guys out there. But maybe I'm wrong; maybe he's just 'the one' only he does a truly excellent job of covering up the fact. (Note sarcasm.)