[bubbles]

I am recently dating a guy I met up again with from high school on facebook. In highschool we were friends, I would say we both had crush's on each other, but nothing happened back then. We were pretty close friends tho. I have been single now for a year and a half about, hes still technically married, but separated for a couple years now.
We have been seeing each other now for about a month and a half. I drive about 2 hours to see him once or twice a week.
We both have kids and are single parents, 6 kids all together, his eldest 15yr old girl lives with her moms family.
I have gone away with his extended family for the weekends, lots of visits and family stuff, and lots of intimate time has been shared.
So, my question is when is it to soon to have the "talk". He still has "single" posted on his facebook..... kinda erks me. I told him im falling for him, but no real feedback there. I think he'd be happy to sail along with no commitment talk at all, ever.
Not sure, I am trying to sail along too, but I dont want to get hurt, and i also dont want to rush things.... nervous, scared, happy, frustrated. (Only I know this, lol, i keep it to myself.... But its starting to surface with him).
Any advice would be muchly appreciated !

[WildChild]

Are you having unprotected sex? As in no condom? If you are then you NEED to talk about exclusivity.

[bubbles]

we did, but got lazy, because we are both "fixed", stupid of me, I know....

[stressed]

It seems like you need to have this talk as soon as the next time you meet him. You need to know what goes on in his mind, what he wants in a relationship, if he wants a relationship or just a good time. A month and a half is not exactly enough for the "talk", but since you have sex it's definitely time for it. You wouldn't want to catch something.

[Hopeless Dork]

Before having the facebook 'in a relationship' talk... you should establish that he considers himself in one, because once that is done the facebook thing can follow.

Have you asked him if he is seeing anyone else? Being exclusive doesn't mean being engaged... he should be able to let you know if he is persuing other avenues of interest or if he is being exclusive with you. A month and a half is NOT a long time for dating, especially only seeing each other a couple of days a week. You guys should still be in the getting to know you phase... and you might want to allow both him AND yourself sometime to do exactly that.

There is no timeline for when a relationship should be established or the 'talk' had... its all based on mutual feelings. It sounds like you might be just a tad a head of yourself on the wanting to be more committed rather than just dating right now.

If you guys are sexually active though, like stressed already said its CRUCIAL that you have 'the talk' , particulaly the one regaurding sex. As in, if he is sleeping with others or plans on it.. so that you guys can handle the situation responsibly.

[SaharaJim]

Seems to me that you are "in a relationship' but you don't have any clear definition as to what the "relationship" is. Are you friends w/ benefits; lovers,formerclassmates? And where is this going? You drive two hours to see him? Does he drive to see you? You are divorced...he is "technically married" but "separated for two years" Legally separated or just left? Not divorced? Why not? Religious reasons? Any chance of reunification? Wouldn't that be a nasty surprise...you get "invested" in a "relationship" and all of a sudden Wife reappears ( with or without a cloud of black smoke).
I would suspect that if after six weeks you "drop the DEFINE OUR RELATIONSHIP BOMB"; he will have none of his feelings "sorted out' and you can expect a"panic' response. I have to agree w. HD- six weeks does not make for a "commitment" but if you are having sex then you need to define what that means in terms of exclusivity. I would suggest that you begin small w/ do we need to be using condoms- are we having sex w/ anyone else? This can be a starting point and as things progress you can start asking if wife is still lurking out there, why no divorce etc.

[kygirl]

I am going to agree with Sahara on this one. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 months now. I asked the SAME question at one point and I think the *most* important thing is to get whether he is sleeping with anyone else or whether he is sleeping only with you. Also if he's been dating anyone else. If he says it's just you, I'd leave it alone. I panicked a bit when my boyfriend was uncomfortable with "Defining" what we were. I freaked out BAD BUT I knew he was only with me and now he openly calls me his girlfriend, he my boyfriend, and discusses our relationship, etc.

Give it time...

As someone who is dating someone who is trying to wrap up a divorce, is there a reason why they are separated but not divorced? How long have they lived apart? Is there just some kind of hold up due to property, children, etc and figuring out the details? i wouldn't get tooo wrapped up with someone who has no intentions of going through with a divorce if marriage is something that may be important to you someday.

[bubbles]

He is still married, separated for 2 years. Wife is around but not directly like going to his house to see the kids or anything, they meet up at a neutral place. That has crossed my mind, maybe there are no devorce procedings because he still hold out hope. That actually really scares me, because I feel attached already. I know 6 weeks is a short time, I know. I guess Im freaking out a bit.

[bubbles]

I feel like maybe I should just back off a bit, get my mind straightened out about it. No guy wants to hear "DEFINE THIS", I get that, before this "relationship" that was the first thing I'd run from for sure, because I didnt have the same feelings. This time its different and maybe payback.

[WildChild]

If you are having unprotected sex, you MUST talk about it. The risk is simply too high.