[ayushi daswani14]

n CW...
yes it totally frustrating to hear him say all this.. he was guilty too ...he never texted her back with such "love you " msgs.. but his constantly being for her when she is upset and too much conversations with her gave her wrong hints..especially when she he was committed..and what hurts me the most is...he couldn't see all this until i pointed it all..and i wont be always there around him to do this..he cried..he said sorry...i forgave... but now i couldn't trust him blindly like before..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

will you be with me if i cant promise you anything about the future.. i cant live without you ..i was so wrong.. come back to me.. "..
i said no..
i mean...this is what i should have done right..?

19? He is not ready....Can you? He does love you but he wants that sort of flurtation freedom

[ayushi daswani14]

no i dont want him to take a stand today..i dont want him to fight with his family now.. when i know the question of living together is not in charts for next 4years.. but i want him to assure me when it comes..he will stand for me..our parents will be against the marriage initially am 100% sure..about my mum dad..i know i'll convince them not because it is easy ..but because i know i can.. and that they would never keep anything above my happiness.. and so i want him to tell me today that no matter what he will convince his parents..i mean..if i love him and we do want a future together and we took the relationship forward with this dream of being together always.. then how do i walk ahead with you now...when you say you cant promise me a future...i mean.. if you are not able to even assure me today that you will stand with me against all odds then how do i know you will even try to after these years..
what if i stay with him all these years..and one fine day he comes up saying.."my mum dad wont let me go for a love marriage.. and they want me to marry the girl they chose for me and so this is it..its the end"..i mean i will be left devastated...

[ayushi daswani14]

19? He is not ready....Can you? He does love you but he wants that sort of flurtation freedom

i dont know...if he wants that flirtation freedom..he is not that kinds to speak honestly.. i somewhere do very well know he wont cheat on me...he wont flirt with other girls... but i have a problem with him making too many female friends... and initially i didnt mind..AL ALL...i was all fine because i was not really this over possessive gf ever.. it is maybe because of two reasons..
1.he made a mistake once and now though i trust him am afraid he can act stupid again and maybe the 2nd time i will not be able to tolerate it.

2.i know he has a problem with me making a lot of guy friends...with going in parties where he doesnt know the people ...with finding my cell ph. busy....in facebooking ...he is way too possessive..and that is the reason maybe now i have this kind of an attitude coming up.. "if you dont like me doing it..then i also have an issue with you doing it? and then i start acting this way.."

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You answered me there when you had to point out to him, how she was taking it, where he was un-aware thinking he was just texting her a bit nievely.

You are both young.

I feel that people have to go with the flow and stop feeling in-secure, putting up boundaries because of jealousy and all that equals no trust.

You can tell me, and yourself for instance that you know 100% he won't cheat, and he feels the same way about you...Well if that is the case, then there is no fear and therefore, whom ever either of you want to talk to or befriend on facebook should be okay, there should be no conversation...

The fact is people put up walls, they make demands or suggestions against each other in fear of losing that person...

We do not know our future, if we did we would all be rich We need to go with the flow and enjoy our relationships without fear, what will be will be, there is no chrystal ball, including how a family will see your relationship 4 years down the track and whether or not, they will accept culture differences, or their beliefs and nor, what either of you will do if that arose...

It would be healither to love and be loved without any fear and let fate take its course.

CW

[ayushi daswani14]

i don't know..i feel so confused CW...
i broke up with him considering these few points..
his controlling nature ...he wants all the freedom of the world ,to socialize, to go to parties, to have female friends..everything but when it comes to me..as i mentioned in my previous posts.. my facebook account was also a biggg problem for him..
he is fickle minded.. on every stupid fight he starts talking about break up..i have to be there sitting and asking him to not to break up with me.. and then he comes back me to everytime..every single time.. and i feel so frustrated cause i feel he does this all to see me cryi and ask him to come back to me..i dont say he does this for this reason...but this is the way i "feel" everytime...i feel he likes to see me cry for him ..
then lately 2-3 times this issue came up regarding his family.. will not support a love marriage and we also have great cultural differences and his family being a conservative one..all these times i thought he loves me i love him too when the marriage thing will come..we both will handle.4-5years down the line..things will be easy..but everytime i have to take a stand and make him understand...he starts to act like a coward and says lets seperate ,it wont work out..and then cries in front of me saying he cant live without me..it will just become a survival.. he talks of how he feels when he thinks of a day without me.. i mean considering that he loves me so much..i also believed he will take a stand years from now.. but everytime he is falling weak ..i am just not sure..
AND NOW AFTER BREAKING UP WITH ME (for the reason that he thought i was being over possesive and considering his family too )HE CAME UP TO ME CRYING 2DAYS WITHOUT YOU AM FILLED WITH SUCH NEGATIVITY...I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS AND ALL SUCH STUFF..
and now i am confused..fine i go back to him...trying to be least possessive...not considering 4years from what is gonna come..and yes one more thing whatever he said once when i asked him to stay while he was breaking up.. "i know you will never get over me..and i know i will get you outta me"..all these things he said he didnt mean them ....he was actually saying all this to prepare himself to stay away from me..which he failed..



i know he loves me ..i know he is loyal..he dreams of a future with me just as much as i dream of having him for a lifetime..and that if we separate he will hurt no less than me.. but all the recent arguments.. all the time he tried to give up on the relationship..(which he couldnt)..and me trying to hold on and crying in front of him to forget about the fights and give it a new start..and all the words he said..even if he didnt mean them..
all this has hurt me so bad..that i dont feel like going close to him and loving him with all my heart..i do love him.. but i suppose all the hurt keeps me from moving close to him again..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

HE CAME UP TO ME CRYING 2DAYS WITHOUT YOU AM FILLED WITH SUCH NEGATIVITY...I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS AND ALL SUCH STUFF..
and now i am confused..fine i go back to him

.

He is negative, you are positive sometimes they match but in the world of relationships, I do not believe so...

Think 1 year down the track, you have passed all your exams, and you are on an airoplane destiny un-known just because you want to see the world, even be it for a day and he doesn't allow it, through his insecurities....

And, think of your position in the career world and his jealousy over that.

Then think of his weakness 4 years down the track, of agreeing with his parents....

IDK sweetness, he is young and so are you but you have a fire in your belly, an understanding of what you want in life, where you are going in life, dedication to succeed, no fear...

He has what? In the above regard? All I see is in-security over you being free to live all of that dream and negativity in his words and the use of emotional blackmail, to see you cry so that he feels loved.

Are his parents cold? Does he have any plans for his future, your future together? Seems you see and he sees only the now...

[ayushi daswani14]

yes this is true i am positive with most of the things and he is negative at times...i dont know i have seen my faith doing wonders for me..even if i am just 18 and have had 2-3 big failures...yet i believe i will just get what i really..actually want ..even if its him..he has plans of future with me.. he wants me..and he talks about all such stuff all the time..but then he shows at time that he himself is not sure if he will be able to convince his parents..
and i so much agree with you when you talk of how he could come in the way of my career and dreams..he might want me to stick around him almost all the time..i would wanna move out of this city and do a job living alone in some other city..i wanna do that for a few years...to know and learn to live all by my own ..independent ..just for a few years..to teach myself...i want to do that..he knows about it.. he stays cool most of the time.. but i know somewhere he is insecure even about that...about me moving to a bigger city..he is afraid i might not want to come back..but i expect him to become more stable with this because it is only after my college..we have time ..
moreover what he wants out of his life is his success...in his business and stuff...and he is very focused and determined towards this..and i know he is so passionate regarding this...he wont consider anybody above this.. for his success he will never mind leaving me no matter how devastated he feels without me...

his parents are cold with him when it comes to a love marriage...they like me...they know he has a gf and this is their problem..they dont know if it is me..and his mum adores me..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well then, you both have "passion" and that's an excellent component for a relationship, however, he has to consider just as he has to consider when you do travel and live in a bigger city, dreams become reality, when we put everything into it, so all he has to do is allow you to be independent, and believe........also in himself that he is not taking a risk by letting you go, rather letting you spread your wings ......

I felt that his parents were cold, just based on his in-securities...But if they like you, they will grow to accept it, he's 19, your 18, 4 years of loving you? Plus they will see you didn't stand in the way of his career yet, you love their son.

Try not to over analise what is in the future and just concentrate on the now.

For him, " If you love someone and them you, nothing gets in the way, it will always be there"....

[ayushi daswani14]

yes...maybe this is what i'll do..i'll give our relationship time..for him to become less insecure about me.. and about the future..i do really believe ...at the end of the day ..they are ever loving parents ... they will understand..for now his parents are least bothered who is the girl and stuff ..all they want is him to be out of this..maybe because they are considering it more like a teenage relationship..
and i would never let him come in the way of my career..i dont wanna be just his wife one day..i have my mum dad..they have dreams of seeing their daughter working ... having a job she deserves..and i have a kid brother...before he grows up to take the responsibilities...i wanna be the son of my family...
i would not ever let him come in the way of my career..and so will i..never let anything hamper his success in his career..
but i suppose he'll take time ...overcoming his insecurities ..