Sorry if this is against your policy, but I'm a man trying to get some objective female perspective on a situation I've got here. This is ridiculously long so whoever has the patience to read and respond has my undying respect. I think the intricacies matter here so that's why it's so long. (Sorry)
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So I've known this girl for about 8 months total. We met when tangential friend groups went dancing last winter, everyone had a great time, we both danced aggressively, everything's great. Super drunk, super fun. Didn't think much of her at the time, so I let it go. Then I'd say about a month ago, we organized a rafting/tubing trip and were able to reconnect then. Again, everyone had a blast, and we definitely gave each other more attention this time around. Fairly flirtatious, nothing over the top, but some good general signs. She said how she admired what I did for work, laughed a lot, made a comment when a waitress was sort of weirdly hitting on me, etc.
A couple weeks pass, and I organize another dancing group which she joins. At this point, I had been getting word that she might be sort of semi-seeing someone, but all signals from her and her friends point toward it not really being serious or a big deal. So I pretty much just ignore it. But this time, she is noticeably less aggressive when dancing. Again we were super drunk. Eventually, this other random girl finds me and we start hitting it off and well... that happened. She had already left. The next night we connect at a party. We haven't exchanged numbers yet, and before I go she asks for mine. Great. Another comment about this other dude, this time to one of her girlfriends, and they both sound unenthused.
The next weekend, I start to turn it on a little, or at planned on it. We were slated to go on another trip together, but she ends up getting very sick and can't go. She calls while I'm out, and asks what I'm doing, I'm not sure but when I get back into town call her back and she says she's too sick to go out. Then I ask her out to dinner the next night, she's too sick again, but sends me a text after the convo "Sending her love". Okay.
That week I want to do something sweet for her so I surprise her at work. Tell her to come outside, where I'm waiting with gelato and playing one of our favorite songs on my phone. We take a little walk, have a 2 minute middle of the day dance party before heading back to work but make plans to connect later that night.
She invites me out to drink with a bunch of her friends. I instantly jump in with her friends and am doing great. We talked a little, went outside and got a table with 3 other friends. Out of nowhere these two other girls come over to me and start flirting aggressively with me, in front of our small group. After a little of that, she asks me if I just talked my way into a threesome with them. Really confusing comment. By the way the whole time I'm making ridiculous comments as well. Telling the waiter we're engaged. Asking strangers "people don't we make a cute couple?". Playfully. Then some drama with this other dude starts on her phone. She made a comment earlier in the night that she's really not sure about this guy, and then they apparently have a fight on the phone. Perfect. Everyone wants to go home (there are 4 of us at this point), but I propose salsa dancing and we go. It's great. Lots of smiling lots of laughing, great touching, got to cheering her up from whatever happened on the phone.
A couple days later (last night) we're going to a concert together. In my mind I had built this up as the sort of deal closer night. I pick her up, we're meeting some friends down there, ready to get crazy. It feels weird from the start. Body language not great, etc. We get our seats in the back with friends, meet a couple new people, and then when I say I'm getting drinks this random girl jumps to go with me. Okay. I get back, a little while later after rando leaves for her friends, and she makes a comment..."It's kind of amazing how women are attracted to you. I don't know what your secret is, you attract them like flies". (I don't get this comment!). Then, one of our friends scores 2 tickets for the front section. Her bf doesn't want to go so she gives them to us. SCORE! We're basically in the front row, it's great. I try dancing with her, she is sort of weird. Then she starts taking pictures and texting. Then I notice she's texting the other dude (who she blew up at a few nights before). What? This keeps going on, I try not to let it throw me off. I keep trying to dance with her, she sort of reluctantly accepts and pulls away. We're leaving the concert and decide to either get a beer together or just go to sleep after I drop her off. She falls asleep in the car. At this point, there's no way I'm not making SOME sort of move. A kiss would be awkward, so I go in for like a little hand hold thing. She immediately sort of recoils. Great. Don't know if she was even awake for it though. We get to her place, she says she's tired, needs to go to bed, I'm just sort of silent and smiling. She says call her tomorrow, lets do something fun this week, not really sure she's meaning any of it. No hug, no kiss, she just gets out and at this point I just let her.
And that's where we are. I like this girl, I feel like I've been giving her pretty strong signs, and that she's now seeming to back away. But I'm not sure if she likes me or not. Granted, I haven't really gone into 100% crazy romantic mode, I'm trying but not over-trying. I only bring up the points about the other girls not to be lewd, but because I feel like they're significant.
One thing that might be getting in the way of all this is that a buddy and I are planning a 4 month trip to south asia in a couple months. But I'd love to make this happen, we're grown ups, and we could be apart for a few months. Maybe she doens't see it that way. Frankly, I'm not really sure what she sees. I'm afraid she might think I just want to have sex with her, which ...would be the norm, but that's obviously not it.
So if anyone made it through all that - thoughts? I'm especially curious about those comments, why she'd joke about me "talking my way into a threesome" or that super weird comment about being able to attract girls. It was just weird...
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So I've known this girl for about 8 months total. We met when tangential friend groups went dancing last winter, everyone had a great time, we both danced aggressively, everything's great. Super drunk, super fun. Didn't think much of her at the time, so I let it go. Then I'd say about a month ago, we organized a rafting/tubing trip and were able to reconnect then. Again, everyone had a blast, and we definitely gave each other more attention this time around. Fairly flirtatious, nothing over the top, but some good general signs. She said how she admired what I did for work, laughed a lot, made a comment when a waitress was sort of weirdly hitting on me, etc.
A couple weeks pass, and I organize another dancing group which she joins. At this point, I had been getting word that she might be sort of semi-seeing someone, but all signals from her and her friends point toward it not really being serious or a big deal. So I pretty much just ignore it. But this time, she is noticeably less aggressive when dancing. Again we were super drunk. Eventually, this other random girl finds me and we start hitting it off and well... that happened. She had already left. The next night we connect at a party. We haven't exchanged numbers yet, and before I go she asks for mine. Great. Another comment about this other dude, this time to one of her girlfriends, and they both sound unenthused.
The next weekend, I start to turn it on a little, or at planned on it. We were slated to go on another trip together, but she ends up getting very sick and can't go. She calls while I'm out, and asks what I'm doing, I'm not sure but when I get back into town call her back and she says she's too sick to go out. Then I ask her out to dinner the next night, she's too sick again, but sends me a text after the convo "Sending her love". Okay.
That week I want to do something sweet for her so I surprise her at work. Tell her to come outside, where I'm waiting with gelato and playing one of our favorite songs on my phone. We take a little walk, have a 2 minute middle of the day dance party before heading back to work but make plans to connect later that night.
She invites me out to drink with a bunch of her friends. I instantly jump in with her friends and am doing great. We talked a little, went outside and got a table with 3 other friends. Out of nowhere these two other girls come over to me and start flirting aggressively with me, in front of our small group. After a little of that, she asks me if I just talked my way into a threesome with them. Really confusing comment. By the way the whole time I'm making ridiculous comments as well. Telling the waiter we're engaged. Asking strangers "people don't we make a cute couple?". Playfully. Then some drama with this other dude starts on her phone. She made a comment earlier in the night that she's really not sure about this guy, and then they apparently have a fight on the phone. Perfect. Everyone wants to go home (there are 4 of us at this point), but I propose salsa dancing and we go. It's great. Lots of smiling lots of laughing, great touching, got to cheering her up from whatever happened on the phone.
A couple days later (last night) we're going to a concert together. In my mind I had built this up as the sort of deal closer night. I pick her up, we're meeting some friends down there, ready to get crazy. It feels weird from the start. Body language not great, etc. We get our seats in the back with friends, meet a couple new people, and then when I say I'm getting drinks this random girl jumps to go with me. Okay. I get back, a little while later after rando leaves for her friends, and she makes a comment..."It's kind of amazing how women are attracted to you. I don't know what your secret is, you attract them like flies". (I don't get this comment!). Then, one of our friends scores 2 tickets for the front section. Her bf doesn't want to go so she gives them to us. SCORE! We're basically in the front row, it's great. I try dancing with her, she is sort of weird. Then she starts taking pictures and texting. Then I notice she's texting the other dude (who she blew up at a few nights before). What? This keeps going on, I try not to let it throw me off. I keep trying to dance with her, she sort of reluctantly accepts and pulls away. We're leaving the concert and decide to either get a beer together or just go to sleep after I drop her off. She falls asleep in the car. At this point, there's no way I'm not making SOME sort of move. A kiss would be awkward, so I go in for like a little hand hold thing. She immediately sort of recoils. Great. Don't know if she was even awake for it though. We get to her place, she says she's tired, needs to go to bed, I'm just sort of silent and smiling. She says call her tomorrow, lets do something fun this week, not really sure she's meaning any of it. No hug, no kiss, she just gets out and at this point I just let her.
And that's where we are. I like this girl, I feel like I've been giving her pretty strong signs, and that she's now seeming to back away. But I'm not sure if she likes me or not. Granted, I haven't really gone into 100% crazy romantic mode, I'm trying but not over-trying. I only bring up the points about the other girls not to be lewd, but because I feel like they're significant.
One thing that might be getting in the way of all this is that a buddy and I are planning a 4 month trip to south asia in a couple months. But I'd love to make this happen, we're grown ups, and we could be apart for a few months. Maybe she doens't see it that way. Frankly, I'm not really sure what she sees. I'm afraid she might think I just want to have sex with her, which ...would be the norm, but that's obviously not it.
So if anyone made it through all that - thoughts? I'm especially curious about those comments, why she'd joke about me "talking my way into a threesome" or that super weird comment about being able to attract girls. It was just weird...
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