[Calicorado83]

My boyfriend and I have had conversations where he will tell me that men think nasty, heartless, and uncaring things about women. Sexual things. He says that most men (not him, of course) will look at a female and not give a care in the world about how she feels. He says that 99% of the time, most men just want to see a women naked, get a woman in bed, and be done. He has told me that most of my guy friends are probably my guy friends just because they think I'm hot or want to bang me.

I have trouble understanding this. Maybe a man can explain this to me. I am absolutely appalled by the thought that men can be so heartless. I don't like being thought of as just a piece of ... I guess it just hurts my feelings to think that most men don't care to really know me, or have only thought all I was good for was to spread my legs and let them in...

Women, what are your opinions on this topic? Do you think most men are like this? Men, be honest: How often do you guys think like this? How many times have you thought like this about females? Do you think like this about other females while you are in a relationship?

This is an issue for me, I have trouble handling the thoughts, because I want to think men are much better than that. I hope I get some good feedback.

[ItsASecret]

I am 22, I see this type of behavior allllllllll the time with guys this age. I am not sure how old you are but I would say a large majority of at least the young guys are thinking of girls as just meat. A quick "hello, okay now spread em'". Not all of course will be upfront about it and say derogatory things (typically girls will call a guy a pig if he acts so disrespectful like that) right to a girl's face, but the second he is alone with this bro pals it is no holds bar. I actually have these conversations with a guy friend of mine, he is the one that actually brings up that when those young guys are alone at the bar or just hanging out at work it is always things along the lines of "she is so hot I would love to ___ her face" or "I would totally bend that thing over". He has told me that when there are women in the work area, especially new young ones, they will be lewd and crude with the other guys because they see it as funny. He also said that they would never actually say those things directly to a woman, they would always try to be the nice guy because for some it becomes a game to see if anyone can get with the new hot girl. Honestly I am not surprised by that type of behavior, especially with young guys with the frat boy mentality. I am also unnerved by it but I would like to hope that immaturity does not sustain into later adulthood. I always say to myself that one day they will grow up and respect a woman instead of just seeing her as a 30 second prop but when I keep hearing about guys talking like that it really dampens my hopes. That said there are plenty of guys out there who do respect women, who do see them as more than a prop, who do want to know a girl's name and not how big her boobs are when they come out of the bra. Those guys are out there, and on an average basis they are the ones with a meaningful relationship already.

[Calicorado83]

I am 22 as well, so it makes sense that I hear about this type of behavior. I hate the whole idea of being thought of as just a piece of meat. What makes it worse, is that men will hook up with women and sleep with them over and over again, even leading them on just so they can have a booty to go to bed too. This happened to me once. The guy I was seeing was leading me on, at the same time hooking up with other women but telling me what I wanted to hear to get me in his bed. I ended up heartbroken when I found out what he was doing. I really thought the guy liked me for ME, not for what was between my legs.

How can men do this to women? That is CRUEL.

And I know there are good men out there too, but I want to know why these other dirtbags think its ever okay to treat people like this.

[ItsASecret]

And I know there are good men out there too, but I want to know why these other dirtbags think its ever okay to treat people like this.

Because at that age they often think with the head between their legs and not the proper one. I attribute it to the frat-boy 'yeah dawg lets get some fine hunnies to spread' mentality that the media or porn portrays, just that phase per se where they think this is the time to get their number count as high as possible because doing tons of people equates a "fun life". After all to many young guys the idea of marriage later in life means monogamy which by their current frat mentality means not that much fun since kink style of multiple partners countless nights a week would be absent. Maturity will catch up but it is often not as quick as one would hope.

[rcoreyus]

I'm a man, so here is my opinion. Young men are often hormone driven to the point where when they see an attractive woman they think of and want sex. That does NOT mean that ALL they want is sex, or that that is all they care about in a woman. There are of course all types, and there are certainly jerks out there who see women purely as sex objects. There are are also lots of men who really care about their girlfriends and want all sorts of things out of the relationship.

It is completely possible to like someone, be interested in them, care about them, love them - and still be very sexually attracted to them.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'd also suspect that your boyfriend may have just given his " be wary" talk to you, as you have male friends and he wants you to be clear and sure and therefore safe from any attempts made to you

I agree with the posters above, totally...A mature man, doesn't think this way, he sees the woman as attractive, he may see an area of her body that stands out to him, but ultimately he then wants to get to know her, as a person, as he is looking for something different, a mate, on all levels.

Youth, are just that, hormonial and it is all about what's between their legs, until some girl gets to him "inside" his brain then he is interested, curious and starts persuing her and if it works out, ends up with a girlfriend...

[Mes T]

Trust me gals, this stage passes for most as they get older. I haven't experienced any of that BS since leaving college. Students are very different to working men. It's really not so bleak in the "real" world. I mean frat guys who sit around drinking beer joking about how they're going to miss tomorrow's accounting class because they're so cool... they're not a representation of the general male population.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think porn could thrive the way that it does if a large population of men (yes, I know women like it too) we'rent able to detatch emotion from the sight of a naked woman and view her as meat. Men joke, tease, and know good and well the common knowledge that a lot of strippers are emotionally damaged, many have a history of abuse, some form of drug addiction or some other desperate need for money (yes, I know some are in it for the gucci bags) but being aware of all that won't stop a large majority of them from going into a club and getting a lap dance from some girl they KNOW doesn't want them and is only doing it for the cash (for whatever reason).

A large portion of men have no problems detaching emotions from sexual feelings, which is why they are by and large the only ones that will pay for sex from a prostitute (yes, I know there are jiggalos' and sugar mama's but I'm talking about the 'norm').

So it would not shock me nor surprise me to think that a good many of men do not think or see or care about a woman's feelings when they are attracted to her (Yes, I know there are many men that do care though).

I use to feel so disgusted by men in general, their kind has let me down my whole entire life. From my earliest memory of childhood there is a man putting his sexual whim aheads of my own physical and emotional safety and well-being. But as I said I USE to feel disgusted by men in general but I've learned there are many that are worth our love and trust and that aren't a representation of the stereotypical macho male.

I've also learned to understand that they are wired so completely differently as far as being able to seperate sex and feelings than we are, it breaks my heart occasionally... but its a fact of life that women have to come to accept or leave men alone. Even a man that doesn't cheat, even a man that is respectful... gosh only knows what they think about ( a quick glance over their computer history generally reveals its all the same stuff the other 'disgusting men' think about... they just handle their business with more 'class'.

[jns]

My boyfriend and I have had conversations where he will tell me that men think nasty, heartless, and uncaring things about women. Sexual things. He says that most men (not him, of course) will look at a female and not give a care in the world about how she feels. He says that 99% of the time, most men just want to see a women naked, get a woman in bed, and be done. He has told me that most of my guy friends are probably my guy friends just because they think I'm hot or want to bang me.

I have trouble understanding this. Maybe a man can explain this to me. I am absolutely appalled by the thought that men can be so heartless. I don't like being thought of as just a piece of ... I guess it just hurts my feelings to think that most men don't care to really know me, or have only thought all I was good for was to spread my legs and let them in...

Women, what are your opinions on this topic? Do you think most men are like this? Men, be honest: How often do you guys think like this? How many times have you thought like this about females? Do you think like this about other females while you are in a relationship?

This is an issue for me, I have trouble handling the thoughts, because I want to think men are much better than that. I hope I get some good feedback.

Well, you pretty well got it down how many men think. Such thinking is more prevalent amongst late teens to mid twenties, but it is still prevalent in some later in life. A man who continues to hang with his buddies after getting in a serious relationship will continue to be exposed to such expressions.

Don't think it is just frat boys. In the cities where a lot of young males hang together it is also prevalent even if they don't go to college. It also crosses all racial, ethnic and social lines. You can also find it in smaller places where young guys hang out.

I in general don't entertain nasty, heartless and uncaring thoughts about women. In my younger days I did have some casual sex encounters. Seeing a woman naked that I was fooling around with (and she was fooling around with me) was always fun and having sex was also fun. I think that in most cases, I would have pursued more of a relationship if the girl had wanted it. I never wanted any of them to end, really, but since they were casual from the start I never pursued very hard. There was almost always a lot of talking before things got going and after things were done.

In general, if you want long term relationships, don't try to find them amongst people who are looking for casual relationships. Or at least don't get upset if the person you are trying to convert does not want a long term relationship.