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Cheated On my Boyfriend.

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  • Cheated On my Boyfriend.

    Last edited by dgirl07; 11-28-2007, 07:50 PM.

  • I'm gonna give you some harsh advice that you're gonna have to deal with.

    I was once dating this guy Darrell...Lied continuously and treated me like ********. He finally made a turn around and I thought him and I would be happy together, but then he tells me he has a girl on the side along with some other stuff he felt the need to confess... This was on Memorial Day this year. Since then, he's been trying to get me back. "Oh baby... I love you so much. I haven't changed completely, but I'll do it for you. Please come back." I refuse to go back to him. If he truly loved me like he said he wouldn't have cheated. And that's how I feel about the matter.

    My mother always says this to me and I'll type it word for word: "Men cheat... a lot. There seems to be no good men out there because of this...but there is. The good ones get into dedicated relationships with women. Then, they get cheated on by someone who doesn't deserve them. The men hide out and never try dating again. It's a horrible cycle."

    I know this will sound so bad and you're probably a nice person, but things like this just bother me. Yes, it would be smart for me to not comment at all if this hits a nerve with me, but this has to be said. You are holding on to someone who doesn't need you. He does not need someone to be with him who gonna cheat on him (because she was drunk) and hide it from him. If you didn't wanna lose him, if you loved him, if you felt that he was the man you were to married... He would have been at that party with you, side-by-side. You would be there loving him and whispering sweets into his ear, but no.. it was different. Maybe he couldn't have gone to the party with you. You know what you do then? Don't drink. If you feel the need to drink, know your limit.

    He doesn't need that. Tell him. He deserves that much. It's a horrible thing to hide something from the person you claim to love so much.

    Best of luck.


    • I feel for you girl, I know how hard it is to do something behind your lovers back and than have to get the nerve to admit it to them. I don't think cheating is right at all, my baby daddy cheated on me and to make myself feel a little better about the situation I cheated on him to. I didn't enjoy it I honestly know it didn't make me feel much different. So my advice to you is that if you truly love this man, don't cheat on him again! I know you feel guilty I can hear it in your post, but honestly some things are really best unsaid. Its up to you though if you feel so guilty that you think he should know tell him! If you love him and know that you won't do it again, just keep it to yourself. He already knows about you kissing the other guy and Im sure that hurt him enough, and once you tell a man that you slept with someone else it will never be the same again. If he stays he will always remind you of what you did, and it will truly cause a lot of problems in your relationship. Men aren't as forgiving as women, we are stronger if a man we love cheats on us and we stay, we can get by better than they can. I can't really explain but talking from personal experience I suggest you don't tell him anything else. Thats just my opinion, and I have my own reasons why I feel that way.


      • If you're so unsure about keeping it from him maybe that's not something you should do.

        Closets for skeletons?! That's for stuff you do before you start dating someone. If you don't what them to know you were a prostitutem or a drug dealer, or you killed someone in your past. Like that. But while you're dating them it's all free territory.

        You want to get married to this guy? Well, you better get used to telling him everything. When you get married to someone you become one with them. You share thoughts, ideas, love, your future with them and you don't leave them out on anything. Now, if you think you get go through a marriage keeping secrets like you're going now, it won't last for long. Srsly.

        If you do decide to tell him (and I hope you do) write it down first. Write out everything, what you did, how you feel about, your apology, how you're willing to make it work. Then, take him aside and read it to him.

        Let that stew for a while.


        • miserable mom - It's better for her to not say anything? It's better for her to hide the fact that she was unfaithful from him? All because she loves him and want to keep him? That would be completely seflish on her part.

          Once she tells him it won't ever be the same... It would have been the same if she hadn't done it. Maybe this is what she needs; a new outlook on life. If I were in this situation, I'd tell him. He's my boyfriend and he has the right to know.

          There is always a chance, no matter how small, of him finding out what happened from another person. How is he gonna feel knowing someone had the audacity to tell him something that his girlfriend couldn't even tell him. Think about him for a second.


          • The way I see it is she made a mistake and is very sorry for it, I don't think this is something that should be held againts her for the rest of her life! People make mistakes and when you put yourself in a situation that you know is going to hurt someone else, well things are better left unsaid. As far as i see it, he already knows you cheated, theres no need to add more fuel to the fire.


            • Originally posted by dgirl07
              Miserable Mom,

              i so appreciate hearing this. i know that you aren't condoning what i did. but your right i do truly feel bad about this. ive never done anything like this before and i havent drank or even gone out without him by side since the incident. i was just hoping to hear what you told me. that its ok to leave it unsaid. i realize i made a mistake that night. and i know that mistake left me with a feeling unlike any other ive ever felt. i felt miserable. and i know that feeling so bad and that fact that i love him will keep me from ever straying from him again.

              Personally, I don't agree with your choice. It seems as though you didn't come for advice, but to hear what you wanted to hear. Now, that someone agrees with you you'll go do whatever.

              Sometimes the love in one's heart is not enough to keep them from being themself.


              • Originally posted by miserable mom View Post
                The way I see it is she made a mistake and is very sorry for it, I don't think this is something that should be held againts her for the rest of her life! People make mistakes and when you put yourself in a situation that you know is going to hurt someone else, well things are better left unsaid. As far as i see it, he already knows you cheated, theres no need to add more fuel to the fire.
                Well, if she was gonna tell him that she kissed the guy she should have come with it and say she slept with him, too. It makes no sense to put on one shoe and leave the other shoe home.


                • Ravsoma,

                  Have you ever been in this type of situation? what is selfish is her hurting him even more! He knows she cheated he doesn't need to know details, would you want to hear details of your boyfriend screwing someone else? I don't think so! That is something that stays in your head for whole time your with someone. Personally when my kids dad cheated on me I was pregnant with my son, and that was the worst information I have ever heard in my life!! I still can't forget what he did with that girl! Besides she was only back with him for two months, in two months your still not sure where the relationship is going to end up at. You have your own opinions but when you fall into this same situation than maybe youll understand better. Your only sixteen from what I have read in other posts! You haven't experienced a whole lot yet, Im young two but for me being my age I have been through so much ******** in the relationship I was in. She did come on here for advice and I presented mine as you did yours.


                  • This is where breathing exercises come in handy.

                    Have I ever been in the same situation? You claim to have read other post by me and if you have you would know that I have. I like detail. I pay attention to detail. I'm very observant. If you're gonna tell me something don't be halfass about it. I tell that to all the guys I date. If they act funny or suspicious I ask them if there's anything they need to tell me. Some of them admit and some don't. What hurts me is not the detail. It's the fact that they had to nerve to do that to me while we were dating and then lie about it. If some guy is gonna cheat on me, let him break up with him before he does it. If he cheats on me and doesn't tell me until I week or so later, I leave him. I'm in no position in my life to stand by someone who isn't gonna be faithful to me. If you tell me you love me, mean it. Don't tell me, "I cheated, but I love you." There is no love in that. It's gone. I dated a guy for two years and one day I just had to be snooping around his profile because a friend of his leaked something about him and I found out that he's been with over 20 girls. I confronted him about it and he lied, told me it was them on his profile, talking and meeting up with girls. I didn't believe him, but I thought I was good enough to change him and that he would never do it again. A week later, I left him. I bought a few metal bats and some friends of mine went to his house and killed his car, but that's another story.

                    How is her telling him what she did selfish? I find that to be extremely unselfish to tell that to someone. It means that you actually include them in your life. That you would let them know every secret, everything tale about you. That's not selfish. What's selfish is her feeling that if she can hide she can keep him.

                    I wouldn't wanna hear my boyfriend tell me he slept with someone, but I don't have to deal with it bearing on my mind because I leave him. I deserve much more than a cheating **************...Excuse my English.

                    ...Are you saying that just because she was with him for two months that it justifies her cheating? I don't get it.

                    Yes, I do have my own opinion and I make sure than anyone who wants advice gets fact and opinion. How are you gonna assume that I was never in this situation? Because I wasn't the one that cheated? It's the same on both ends!

                    I am 16. Everyone on this forum knows that by now. I just got out an argument with two adults in the forum about my age and how I shouldn't be having sex (WHICH I'M NOT) and now both of them are apologising to me because of it... Not bragging about it, but it's weird how it turned out.

                    Don't think that just because you're older than me that you know more or that you experienced more or that you're mature. You have no idea what I've experienced in my life, so don't lay on that. I'm a human being. I have hardships, I stress out like adults do, I even have bills to pay and a job to keep up with and I have to balance myself with schoolwork and family and friends. I'm not saying because I go through this that I have an edge on anyone here that's older than me. I'm letting you know that just because you're a few years older than me you don't have the right to compare yourself to me and make it seem like I'm faulty because of my age. Who knows? Maybe if I were in your situation I would have handled it better. Hmm?

                    For the record: This is not my negative side. I'm just pouring out my heart here.


                    • Ravsoma,
                      Handled my situation better? ha ha ha! Girl you don't know anything about me!! I have posted a thread on here and if youve read it you'll see I made some huge mistakes but that is not even half my life or even a quarter of my life right there, besides Im not acting like Im all that either, I never said I was perfect!!! I haven't read all your posts so no I don't know all your problems! Why are you getting so offensive over my post? Yes you are young and you sound mature but you can't expect everyone to agree with your feelings! I have read some of your posts and you give advice on somethings you claim you have never experienced! I have seen some of the sex posts and you said on the post you were a virgin well thats good! But why are you giving out sexual advice? Your age does matter a lot! When your sixteen things are a lot different you expect your boyfriends to be faithful and think your going to be with them forever, but reality is when you reach adulthood the men are no teenage boys, and women don't expect to be with guys forever unless they are married. And you know what I wasn't trying to put you down here at all, its just that you making comments to this girl like if she is some bad person is not right!! If you haven't walked in her shoes you have no right to judge her decisions!!! Ive read those other posts from those adults that were apologizing to you, and you know what they were apologizing to you because you got so defensive and they weren't trying to hurt your feelings!!! This is a forum and if you can't handle what some people say, or if some people disagree with you than why do you even bother to post? I am not trying to get you mad here, you got mad on your own!! Seems to me that you don't like it when people don't agree with you. Thats okay though cause you are just going to have to deal with it!
                      Last edited by miserable mom; 08-09-2007, 04:46 PM.


                      • I never said that I expect everyone to agree with me... When did I say that?

                        I have no experience with sex unless you consider oral, but I do read up.. a lot. Spend about 70% of my day reading. I know it's nothing like experiencing it, but when you get it from a Kama Sutra expert you might as well explain to everyone else... And no, I don't get everything I say from a book. I actually have other experience which I won't get into.
                        Who says just because I'm a virgin I can't give out information on masturbation...how to please your man other than sex...how oral sex feels.
                        Just because you have sex doesn't mean you're a God on it. Outsiders can have the same advice, too.

                        I think you're wrong when you say that just because I'm 16 that I expect a man to be faithful to me. Any woman in her right mind expects that. She might not get it and she'll acknowledge that fact, but she wants it and needs it. I'd love to find a boyfriend that didn't cheat on me every living second of the day, but recently I've notice that guys my age and around my age are ready for something like that, so I've taken a break from the dating scene. I bet you didn't know I knew that, now did you? Don't assume that just because I'm 16 that I'm naive and inexperienced. I'm somewhat of the complete opposite.

                        I think you took what I said to her personally and I apologise even though you are not the creator of the thread with a problem. I told her what I said would be harsh and she accepted it, but you on the other hand haven't. Sorry.

                        Of course the adults were apologising to me because I'm the little defensive child that needs comforting whenever I have a tantrum. They didn't bother to apologise to me because they finally see my side and understand me more. Thank you for knowing exactly what goes on in their head. Now I know that the only reason an adult will apologise to me is because I argue back. It's not because I make valid points or can make them think.

                        This is a forum. You're right about that. People from all other the world can come to a forum and post. Are you trying to tell me that if I can't agree with someone that I shouldn't post at all? I don't think anyone, but the admin has the right to tell me when or when not to post and she has told me not to let people get to me. I shouldn't have let you get to me because you know nothing of me and it would be foolish of me to think that you do.

                        Thats okay though cause you are just going to have to deal with it!

                        And deal with it I will. Although, it is a shame that I have to deal with people who only consider my age as an important fact... Oh well.

                        Thank you and have a snappy day.

                        To the thread maker - Do what you feel is right. Tell him or not. Later, you'll see the success or error in your decision.

                        Ravi Out.


                        • You know what kid I didn't come on here to argue with you!! I gave this girl my own advice and stated my own opinion, you didn't like oh well!! And I didn't tell you, you couldn't post I simply said why do you post if you can't handle when people are going to disagree with you! As a matter of fact I didn't say I can read those other people minds but I do know that you got really defensive with them and they sympothized with you!! Anyways Im not going to keep argueing with you, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so this just going to go on back and forth here. You don't like the advice I gave to this girl well OH WELL!! She accepted what I told her you didn't so there is really nothing to fight about here. You do have a attitude where you add a little $mart ****** tone to it!! thought and thats what I took as offensive, I didn't attack you remember you attacked me with your dissagreeing with me and you didn't like when I posted back!!


                          • Originally posted by miserable mom View Post
                            You do have a attitude where you add a little $mart ****** tone to it!! thought and thats what I took as offensive, I didn't attack you remember you attacked me with your dissagreeing with me and you didn't like when I posted back!!
                            Please...refrain from calling me kid. I have a name and it's Ravsoma. Use it respectfully.

                            I'm not being smart. This is me being nice after I get a little hyped up. All I did was quote you and give my opinion because your post seemed a little off.

                            I felt that she should think about him. She said it was something that was getting to her and the best way to get rid of something like that is to get it off your chest. I also wasn't treating her like a bad person. I made it very clear that even though I do not know her that she is most likely a very nice person... in my very first post to her.

                            Now, excuse me for being so rude. I know it's childish of me to do so. I just have to watch what I say next time or else I get banned. XD

                            A glass of cold lemonade would come in real handy right now. ^_^
                            Last edited by Ravsoma; 08-09-2007, 05:25 PM.


                            • Originally posted by dgirl07
                              I did come for advice. and i appreciate all that you have put out there. I didn't come to hear what I wanted to hear. I came to ask what people thought of the choices i've made with the situation so far. and i have gotten exactly what i came for. and i have gotten advice from 2 different sides.

                              I've been given advice from someone who absolutely is against cheating and someone who believes its ok to keep this one thing from him. It has given me so much to think about that at this point I'm not sure what I will do with the sitaution.

                              I just know that I love this guy. In the 4 years I have know him I have never lied or kept anything from him until this. And he was hurt when I told him I kissed another guy. But we have worked on our relationship and right now it couldnt possible get any better.

                              As you know I do feel guilty about hiding it from him and that I dont want to tell him because I know I will lose him and I know that you think thats selfish. But I also don't want to tell him because I dont want to hurt him more that I already have or cause him to have any more grief in his life.

                              But seriously thanks so much for your in put. you truly are a very smart and mature person for your age.
                              -fans you away- Oh no.. No no no. None of that. XD

                              Meh... Do as you please. If you feel it's better for the relationship, do so. But just letting you know that if it stays on your mind it's there for a reason. -nod nod-

                              ...If you do decide not to tell him... which it seems you already have... treat him good, okay? It would break my heart if you didn't. Also, stay by him.

                              You're very welcome.



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