[mags18]

My boyfriend and I just had our one year anniversary and are both in our 30s. He is from India and has been living in the U.S. for about five years and plans to stay in the U.S. permanently. He lived in Europe for a few years prior to coming to the U.S. so he did not come straight here from India but he was raised in India. I was born and raised here so we are from different cultures. We have an amazing relationship in all respects except he has never said I Love You in words. However, and even more important, is that I am sure that he loves me based on how he treats me.

He is shy with his feelings in general and I do not get the impression that his parents frequently say I Love You but are a loving family otherwise so being expressive with I Love You is foreign to him in my opinion. He is the first person in his family whom is not in an arranged marriage too. So I suspect that it is for cultural reasons and due to his shyness that he has not said I Love You to me. His family approves of our relationship btw and has told me that they love me and want me to marry their son when they visited from India a few months ago so it is not a family barrier. My parents feel the same towards him too. I have not said I Love You either in words because I sense that he is not ready to say it yet and I do not want to say it without him reciprocating. However, when we celebrated our anniversary one week ago I gave him a card and wrote in the card a lot of positive things about our relationship and I added in I Love You. I wanted to convey it to him because I felt comfortable enough to write it after a year and it seemed less risky to write it versus saying it and I thought that maybe if I said it first he would feel confident enough to then say it himself and in case he had any doubts I wanted him to know how I felt. But instead he said that he was happy with our relationship. I do not want him to say it out of pressure from me and I know that he loves me so I have not directly asked him about it but I need to hear it from him in words. I could see myself marrying him but I also can't imagine being married to someone who cannot tell me in words that he loves me. Aside from this one issue I am ready to marry him now. I have heard from friends that some men never say it, even to their wives, but I can't see myself being in that situation. My parents always tell each other that they love each other and I do the same with my family (extended and immediate family) each time I see them so it seems strange to not say it to the man that I am deeply in love with. I have to bite my tongue to not say it when I am around him.

Any advice on how to get him to say it in words or how to at least explore it with him? I do not know even where to begin. Or should I just wait him out for longer?

[nailgal]

That's a tough situation. I know they say actions speak louder than words, but (most) women want to hear that they're loved and appreciated. I could never imagine my man not saying I love you. But then again, we're long distance, so most of the time, words are all we have.

If you think that you're both at the point of marriage, then maybe it's time to sit him down and say, "I love you, and I need to know you love me too." Maybe he thinks because you've never said it, that you don't love him. He can't read your mind, and men need us women to be honest and TELL THEM. You don't want to wait the rest of your life to hear those words. Something has to give. So, sit him down and talk to him.

[mags18]

Thanks for your response. I do feel better after reading your post. I also agree that he can't read my mind so that is why I decided to write it in his anniversary card which was just one week ago. I am still hesitant to tell him again in words though since he read the card in front of me and said that he was happy with our relationship but did not say I Love You. So I take that to mean that he is not ready to say it and that was only a week ago. I would not marry him though without him telling me that first. So if he brings up marriage I would tell him that but since I just wrote it in the card last week I am hesitant to confront him now about it. I do not want him to say it because he feels pressured to so the timing is what I am stuck on. I would like it to come from his heart. But maybe I should bite the bullet and have the talk. I am open to any replies.