Sorry for the length of this post in advance!
I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, and we've been living together since last December. Ever since the beginning of our relationship, we have had trouble with his exes. For a while, he was talking to one (we'll say "J") that I knew about. I thought they were just friends so I was slightly irritated by it, but never really said anything to him about it. One day, I saw a text from her on his phone that was locked and thought it was odd. I opened it and it said, "Come down, let's F." I was horrified as I thought all along that they were just being old friends, and I was completely wrong and naive the whole time.
He promised to stop contacting her, and I believed him. I didn't see anymore phone calls or texts from her for months. Then one day, I saw a picture of her on his phone that "his friend had sent". I'll never know if the guy really sent it or her, but I do know that he went through the trouble of saving it and that was enough for me to be mad. He once again "cut all contact with her".
Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started calling his phone late at night while we were sleeping. He never answered and there were just missed calls from her, leading me to think that she was pursuing him but he was ignoring her. I let it go without too much of a fight.
Now, today I was looking on the computer and saw he'd deleted a lot of things from the history. I got paranoid and looked on his facebook... I know, how very wrong of me. Well, I saw in his messages that he had started a conversation with J on Sunday while I was at work. It detailed how unhappy he is with work and how he wants to move back to FL, which is coincidentally where J moved. After going on about how strong of a girl she is to just get up and move, he ended the conversation saying that he was depressed and wants to visit FL. He said, "Seriously I'm going to call one day asking to stay for a few days!
"
Of course I flipped out. He claimed he wasn't contacting her, but he was even talking very intimately with her about his life and feelings. We got into a huge fight and he flipped my coffee table, threw my lamp and broke it, and smashed my fan into a million pieces. He claimed they're just friends and he misses talking to her because she's such a great listener. He says I don't listen to him. (LIES). He wanted to know if I would ever be ok with her, and I said no because he's clearly shown that they're not just "friends". I also feel hurt that he would talk freely about his feelings with her when I can't ever get him to open up. Also, obviously he'd been lying and talking to her throughout the relationship without me knowing.
FL is nearly 10 hours away from me, but I still feel "cheated" on. What counts as cheating these days? Am I being ridiculous and overreacting? I'm so upset.
I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, and we've been living together since last December. Ever since the beginning of our relationship, we have had trouble with his exes. For a while, he was talking to one (we'll say "J") that I knew about. I thought they were just friends so I was slightly irritated by it, but never really said anything to him about it. One day, I saw a text from her on his phone that was locked and thought it was odd. I opened it and it said, "Come down, let's F." I was horrified as I thought all along that they were just being old friends, and I was completely wrong and naive the whole time.
He promised to stop contacting her, and I believed him. I didn't see anymore phone calls or texts from her for months. Then one day, I saw a picture of her on his phone that "his friend had sent". I'll never know if the guy really sent it or her, but I do know that he went through the trouble of saving it and that was enough for me to be mad. He once again "cut all contact with her".
Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started calling his phone late at night while we were sleeping. He never answered and there were just missed calls from her, leading me to think that she was pursuing him but he was ignoring her. I let it go without too much of a fight.
Now, today I was looking on the computer and saw he'd deleted a lot of things from the history. I got paranoid and looked on his facebook... I know, how very wrong of me. Well, I saw in his messages that he had started a conversation with J on Sunday while I was at work. It detailed how unhappy he is with work and how he wants to move back to FL, which is coincidentally where J moved. After going on about how strong of a girl she is to just get up and move, he ended the conversation saying that he was depressed and wants to visit FL. He said, "Seriously I'm going to call one day asking to stay for a few days!
"Of course I flipped out. He claimed he wasn't contacting her, but he was even talking very intimately with her about his life and feelings. We got into a huge fight and he flipped my coffee table, threw my lamp and broke it, and smashed my fan into a million pieces. He claimed they're just friends and he misses talking to her because she's such a great listener. He says I don't listen to him. (LIES). He wanted to know if I would ever be ok with her, and I said no because he's clearly shown that they're not just "friends". I also feel hurt that he would talk freely about his feelings with her when I can't ever get him to open up. Also, obviously he'd been lying and talking to her throughout the relationship without me knowing.
FL is nearly 10 hours away from me, but I still feel "cheated" on. What counts as cheating these days? Am I being ridiculous and overreacting? I'm so upset.
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