[lovemyself1]

oh yea....advice.....maybe try some counseling.

[KaytKayt]

Wow I didn't know so many people had the same problem. Though mine is slightly different, but along the same lines. Anyways, I moved pretty much half way across the country to be with my bf (now fiance) so I sort of lost all my close friends. (as in only get to see them once a year if I'm lucky, it's normally once every two years) I've also tried making friends at work, but most of the girls I work with are a fair bit younger than me (as in teenagers) and are still into partying every night they can...and well...I'm just not into that anymore. I'd rather sit around and chat or watch a good movie or something like that. (I'm a bit lame, I know) I'm just worried that my constantly being around my fiance will erode my independence. The problem is, he also seems reluctant to make new friends. I do have hobbies (I enjoy art and reading) but after awhile I get bored of it (I also enjoy working out, but have limited space...and limited money to go to a gym with) It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one with a lack of friends. I know I'll try and keep my chin up and I wish you all good luck.

[kms]

Seeing how many of us on here are in a similar situation, I wonder how many girls actually living around us are as well! Sometimes I think that everybody else already has a lot of friends and doesn't need any more, but I try to remind myself that very likely there's someone else in the same situation as me - we just have to find each other!

[snoopy]

I always felt like I was the only one who felt this way..

Hi

I just started dating someone and he is great, he is attentive, he cares about me and spends time with me on weekends. But when Monday morning when I have to leave him I get completely depressed. I go from such a high to a low in the matter of seconds. I cried the whole way to work. It honestly wears me out mentally. I just feel like sometime after we talk on the phone or I leave him it is like I will never see him again. I eventually do but I get such anxiety over it. I certainly cannot tell him this, but like you guys were saying I don't have a huge amount of friends and I don't see them all the time. So when I am not with him I am bored and lonely and he has tons of friends and goes out during the week. I want him to have "guy time". I so do everything I can not to be clingly even though I want to be, when we are out I make sure I hang out with him, but talk to other people. Sometimes I get the feeling he does not want me with him, I am not sure if it is me or he really does not want me there. So I asked him just a little while ago, and now I am obsessing about this, should I have said this or do you think it is an okay question ? It is also like I am walking on eggshells not wanting to smother him or do something stupid to mess things up. I completely hide all my "craziness" from him. He does know about the meds and is totally fine with it. To be honest I have OCD, Anxiety and Depression on meds. But think I need an adjustment in the meds.

Does anyone feel this way ?

[ItsASecret]

I too can relate, not so much with the needy part but the lack of "me" time I can.

Simply put, I have no interests. I am 20 years old, most women my age are into some type of sports...I could not care one bit about any of them so obviously I will not just go out and find a hobby of that sort. I do want to have something to do on my own, but my attention span is so short that nothing really interests me. Medicine does but all I can do there is read more books on the subject and that does get boring. All types of the arts (painting, drawing, plays, singing, culture, ect.) is a total yawn fest to me so unfortunately that cuts out a huge portion of potential hobbies...so that stinks. However one of the things that I did enjoy a few years back was quading, dirtbiking, and skidooing. I do not have the money to buy one of those though, nor do I have a license so that possibility is out *sigh*. Another thing was fishing, but my boyfriend does not want to go so that one is out, but again no license so I cannot go do that on my own anyway. Oh well.

I can relate on the part of having no friends as well. It hurts to see your boyfriend able to go out with his buddies to have his guy time, and I am left to realize that I have no friends to even potentially hang out with. In school I was always the quiet loner type, not geeky or anything just really quiet and stuck to myself. I hung around people in high school but I was just sort of there, not contributing very much, just filling a space on the table. So no life long friendships for me. I do not drink so that already cuts out 95% of other people my age because their idea of going out is a weekend of drunken regrets (I think of myself as far to mature to be letting myself fall into that pathetic routine). School is about to start in the fall (3rd year University yay) so maybe I can at least find someone to talk to during my breaks, but again my social interaction would be limited to that....since I will not go out and party. I do not know what to do with myself

[Na-Na]

This one I can relate to as well. It's somewhat different though. My bf and I happen to have the same group of friends. I live with two of his best friends. He's constantly at my best friends house gaming. I feel as if he wants more time away from me, but it's difficult to achieve. When he goes to visit my best friend, naturally I'm invited. When he hangs out with his friends, it tends to be at my place. My few female friends are always busy, and have been away for the summer. I never get a chance to _not_ be around him, and I think he's starting to get annoyed. Worse, during school, we're in the same clubs. He's one of the top performers in the club I'm president of, and I'm a dedicated member of the club he's president of, so we can't even really skip meeting sometimes to have separate time. I've tried staying in my room when he visits, or doing other things, but this apparently comes off as me being rude and antisocial.

It's kind of nice being able to vent, and to know that there are other people who can empathize with this. I got home tonight feeling miserable because we got into a conflict over this very matter, and this has made me feel slightly better.

[GlitterAndStuds]

Oy. I hate to admit I too have this issue, to an extent. I wouldn't say I'm clingy, but I totally miss my boyfriend whenever we're not together...and we live together! Haha. Sad, right?

The thing is, it's only like that when I'm home and he goes to a friend's house or band practice or something. I'm in a similar situation to butterfly. I have my license but I'm in between cars at the moment (the last one was such a piece. ugh. no need to get into it) so I'm stuck bored at home when he goes out for however long. Not fun!

Here's one way to think about it though. When you're not together, you get some "me" time. No matter how much I love being around him, I can ALWAYS use some time to read, clean, or just watch movies that he hates so I couldn't watch them when he IS home, haha. It's like everyone else is saying. Do things you like to do outside of him, the key is to have your own life outside of your boyfriend. Don't make him the center of your universe. When he's not around, go for a walk, work out, something like that. Then you're improving yourself and just making yourself look hotter for him

[momopi]

This is my problem too.

I have lots of acquaintances but very few close friends. Maybe less than 5? and we rarely see each other because of the distance and difference in lifestyle. I also have a not-so-good relationship with my family. (We're just a normal nuclear family. No divorce, abuse etc. It's just that we're emotionally estranged to each other. Too much difference in values.)

So when I get close to a guy, all those things I missed out on - emotionally intimacy, affection, attention, assurance, emotional support - I look for all these in him.

I know I should be busy and I already am. I have a gazillion of interests and things going on for me. Most people tell me I'm independent. But once I feel that tinge of closeness, I start to crave it. I demand more and more - until I push him away. I recently realize that this is the pattern of my interactions with men and some female friends for more than 10 years.

Help me break my bad habit!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This is my problem too.

I have lots of acquaintances but very few close friends. Maybe less than 5? and we rarely see each other because of the distance and difference in lifestyle. I also have a not-so-good relationship with my family. (We're just a normal nuclear family. No divorce, abuse etc. It's just that we're emotionally estranged to each other. Too much difference in values.)

So when I get close to a guy, all those things I missed out on - emotionally intimacy, affection, attention, assurance, emotional support - I look for all these in him.

I know I should be busy and I already am. I have a gazillion of interests and things going on for me. Most people tell me I'm independent. But once I feel that tinge of closeness, I start to crave it. I demand more and more - until I push him away. I recently realize that this is the pattern of my interactions with men and some female friends for more than 10 years.

Help me break my bad habit!

It's only natural to "search" for what you want out of life.. We are all different people, we don't chose our parents ( or do we? ) but our core values and natures are individual.. we may learn things from our parents that we either accept and agree with, or totally disagree but who we are is who we are.

If we are loving, giving people, (children) then ideally it's natural that we want that back isn't it?

But, if we don't receive it we keep searching for it to fulfill a need, does that make sense?

How do you change this?

You realise all of the above and that there is nothing wrong with being a loving, giving person. You can be independent as well... Again, it's whom you are, your make-up.

Once, you realise exactly who you are and therefore, realise that it doesn't matter what happened in your life, what matters is what happens now in your life, and that you love all of that about you, you won't search for it, rather give it out there and receive back.

CW

[caterpillar79]

We are social beings, hence the need to connect, touch feel wanted and WANT/ NEED as well. It is but normal to feel that way. It is rooted from childhood. The only BIG problem is how to keep it balanced. I found this site very helpful since I am an introvert and I have to talk inside my brain. Having you guys here, helps me sort my thoughts through and put them in practice. (Bell rang for my classes - I will write more later)...LOL!