[cocoa]

What does a guy mean when he says "he has feelings for you" but doesn't want to be in a committed relationship?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I actually don't like that line at all.

It to me is a cop out. Like, I will have sex with you but I am not interested in being your boyfriend... I like you though..

He either has baggage in my opinion, and is to "scared" to enter a relationship or he is having fun being single and does not "want" to enter a relationship.

The bottom line is, if you are after a relationship, let him go. Move on, and find what you have been trying to find and deserve.. He's not the right one for you.

[moths2flame]

Spot on!

I actually don't like that line at all.

It to me is a cop out. Like, I will have sex with you but I am not interested in being your boyfriend... I like you though..

He either has baggage in my opinion, and is to "scared" to enter a relationship or he is having fun being single and does not "want" to enter a relationship.

The bottom line is, if you are after a relationship, let him go. Move on, and find what you have been trying to find and deserve.. He's not the right one for you.

I totally agree with this. Sure,, he may have very strong feelings for you, but they are located in his penis. Cut him off and if these feelings are from the heart, he will fight for you.

Unless of course you are seeking sex, then use him as he is using you. Fair trade. No loss, no gain.

[Stillness]

Cocoa, it could mean the time is not right for him, but it probably means you're not the one. Men and women say this. It's a nice way of saying, I don't want a relationship with you.

I've said similar things and have had similar things said to me. If he finds someone he's really into and she demands exclusivity, he'll cut you off without hesitation. He may even cut you off beforehand if he loses whatever interest he's showing in you now. There's probably nothing you can do to change his mind. I had a woman that I was in a year long relationship with try to insert herself in my life by being a friend, dating my friend (I told him it was cool, because I didn't want her), being physical with me - none of it mattered. There was absolutely nothing she could do. She was not the one.

If you're really into him and there was a sliver of a chance of getting him to be really into you, it would probably result from you telling him you're looking for a different kind of relationship and cutting him off permanently. Hey, Cocoa...PERMANENTLY. I don't think it's likely to change him, but it'll do tons for your self-respect and dignity. He's already showed you the bomb he's going to drop on you. Be thankful for his honesty. You can drop your bomb first. How you handle this will affect the rest of your life.

Would you rather him say, "I didn't care about Cocoa's needs for closeness or pleasure and used her until I got tired of her" or "I used Cocoa for a while, but she got wise and kicked me to the curb."

[cocoa]

I agree with the advice. I know I want to hold out for the possibility he'll become serious later on, but based on the advice, sounds like it will probably never happen. And it's only hurting me more to stick around. I know I'm being used but I didn't know how to let go.

It will take me some time, but I should move on.

[Ashlee T.]

It will take me some time, but I should move on.

You definitely should In my opinion it's his way of saying "I want to sleep with you (or whatever you're doing) but otherwise I'm just not that into you." And the more this goes on, the more emotionally connected you feel. See...when we are rejected, it seems to be in our nature to want it even more. Part of your strong desire for this to happen, is most likely because you feel rejected and want to feel redeemed by "winning" him. In your mind now, he is the prize. But in reality, he's not at all the prize... you are.

[SaharaJim]

Put on your "big girl" panties; Cocoa. We all would prefer love; but if we aren't going to get it, we can at least have self-respect. There's better for you right around the next curve in the road.

[cas27]

I met a man online and he told me those lines...he has feelings for me but he isnt looking for a serious relationship yet..and I thought I could live like that..ight now,he has one chatmate who is according to him a virgin and he wouldnt pursue though he likes her...He told me nothing to worry about but with my constant jealousy...he said he wanted to go...now he is letting me feel how cold he is...his time for me is now with the other I guess..he doesnt emails much and chat with me much...and it is hurting me..Iwanna keep him but I dont understand why he needs the girl still..

[BabyGirl]

Araughhhhhhh, lol
The good Ole " I have Feelings for You " combined with the " we've never met and probably won't, because it's a " Net Thing ". and neither of us can save enough money for a Face to Face meet .

So here you go, 1999, Met someone online in a chat room. got to chatting in PM's, Found out we "liked each others company " had convo's in room but also in PM chat. A few months into the Convo's we decided we were " in Love ". Still had never met, or even talked on phone. Just Chat.

He was Single, I was Single. We were Exclusive or so I thought. One misplaced PM to the room, proved we weren't. Sue, a Chat friend , who also had never met or talked to "Joe" had been having an online "Affair " with " Joe", Sue was married but unhappy. The web was woven. "Joe " had ben dating Sue for over a Year .

Sue & I then chatted in PM, swapped stories, he was telling us both the same things .
So, we decided that he deserved to be taught a Lesson. About " Playin us ". We got him into a private room and told him he had to Chose between us . He said he couldn't, he " Loved us Both " so then we told him, he couldn't " chose " he had to accept us both, we were a 3 some , Or Nothing. This we played off in the room, He was so lucky to have Both of us Girls. Bragged about it in the Chat room. And, as planned, he was the talk of the Chat, lucky man he was ..

And then, we whammed him.. We both Dumped him, saying we turned Lesbian and were Exclusive only to each other . We had had this Planned Sue & I. It was Awesome. The thing here is Sue & I became like Sisters, she fixed things with her Hubby, we talked on the Phone, sent emails, cards to each others home Addys and " Joe " disappeared from chat for a long time.

Three years later Sue , passed away, I'd lost a " sister " even though we had not met in person. Her Hubby, asked me to contact the ones I knew that Knew Sue, because the Chat had closed. I ran into " Joe " in another Chat, asked for his #, told him it was very Important and about Sue. He gave me the #, he lived with his parents ( still ) and I could only call the Barber Shop, he worked in with his father and only at the time his father was on Lunch.

That is why he & I never talked in person nor did Sue & Joe. He was then 35 or so still living at home, while we 3 were " dating ". Anyway... I did call and tell him Sue had passed on. he was sad and we chatted about the past a little.

I may be Shallow in saying this, but I could not stand his Voice, he sounded like a little Girl. And I thank my lucky Stars I never was " really in Love " with him. He was handsome and charming.said all the right things... But Oh No way could I have ever lived with someone who sounded like he did .

Now things are different these days, with Webcams and stuff like Skype and video feeds. And I understand how you can " Fall in Love with an Image " But when you can't actually hold them, look into their eyes, feel their touch, call them any time of day or night if separated by Distance ( like the Military ). I find it very hard to Know someone is The " ONE FOR YOU "

You may try to find out with your Guy .. How he really feels, what are his " feelings " for you ?
Maybe tell him you are going to be in his area sometime soon, been saving up a little money here and there as a surprise.. Can't wait to meet him in Person ..

Honey, you defiantly will get an Answer to what his " feelings " for you are . He'll be busy, think you are moving too fast, have an excuse not to meet you. Or he will be so excited and plan time together. If which he does that, you best be saving up fast to meet him .. lol

Now if your " Internet Heart " gets Broken, you'll now have Experience in finding someone for you in " Real Life ", you'll know how to weed out the Players and Search though the tons of Fish in the Sea. that may just live in your Area, may just shop in your Grocery Store, may just work in your Local Lowes or home Depot . Ya never know ..

[cas27]

well we were planning to meet..but I guess it is different now for him..I really have the plan to meet him and see where it goes..and if we move forward..I know I will get closer cause I won't be living in this place where I am right now..I will move closer to him cause it will be very hard to manage a long distance affair..and in the same way I will have to find another place where i can go back to a laid back life...those thing..it's moving closer like hitting different things using one stone...