[rubyrage21]

I am referring to relationships with significant others. My ex did 10 years for armed robbery and i stood by him for the last 2 years of his sentence. i knew of him when we were kids because we went to elementary school together but i didnt get to know him until i found out about him being locked up and i reached out to him because i felt bad for his situation and wanted to see if he was ok. At first it was completely platonic but he quickly pursued it into a relationship.

When he got out this past february, things were only good for about a month. I say good because immediately noticed that he wasnt the same man i had been talking to and fell in love with for the past 2 years. NONE of his actions matched his words and it seemed as though once he got out, he forgot about me. He showed a love but after an argument, that love went right out the window. He started to become emotionally and verbally abusive, and any and everything came before me. I couldnt ask him questions without him getting angry, he started disrespecting me in public and private and he started excluding me from his life, less phone calls, etc. It didnt really bother him that we weren't around each other much. the more i tried to find understanding in the behavior, the worse he got towards me till he just broke up with me all together. After the break up and a few words exchanged from my mother and him, he cut me out of his life completely. It was like i never existed. When he broke up with me, he was so cold and cruel that it took me a couple of hours after the break up to process what had actually happened.
I will never forget the amount of pain that i felt that day when he vindictively displayed hatred towards me. His family has cut me off an no longer talk to me. Everyone i spoke to said that he couldnt give a reason as to why he broke up with me but they said that he would spaz if anyone even mentioned my name telling them not to mention me in his presence. He even told another that he feels that he can do better than me.

What i am getting at is if the long stint i prison (10 years) form the age of 16
caused this type of behavior?

what would make a man turn on his woman who stood by him and put her life on hold for him in the cold and cruel way that he did. Yes people break up, but he didnt have to do it the way thathe did. He acas as though he hates me and has seemed to forget or not care about all i have done for him for the past 2 years. He doesnt owe me anything because i did it out of the kindness of my heart but i thought that he would at least have respect.

It hurts to know that i cant talk to him even if i wanted to, that complete strangers, and the people who abandoned him for the past 10 years can talk and interact with him but i cant. It hurts like **** because he doesnt want anything to do with me and i dont even know why. He has severed ALL ties and doesnt seem to feel bad about it or miss me at all.
Advice please. Can anyone shed some light on this because i dont understand. thanks in advance.

[Ashlee T.]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/dating/51429-why-do-men-get-out-prison-mistreat-their-girlfriend-then-leave-them.html

Ruby, I don't know that anyone is going to be able to tell you anything we haven't already told you. It may not seem fair, it may hurt, but this guy is not into you. He used you to stroke his ego and give him something to look forward to while in jail. It sounds harsh, because it is. People are not always nice. People will not always treat you like you treated them. Quit looking for excuses for his behavior. That is the only light to shed here....he's not into you and it's time to move past it.

I think it's time to focus on yourself......your co-dependency issues, your lack of self respect or you'll find yourself in another situation where you're putting your whole self into someone that uses it and takes advantage of it.

[BabyGirl]

I had thought I read this " story " before. I had assumed you may have lost where you posted the first time about it. If that happens, you can always go to your own Profile and click on the left side on the menu that says Latest posts or all Posts. If you then post on your own thread it will bring it back up in the New Posts section.

BD is right. Time to let go.. It doesn't matter what he thinks. You know you cared and helped him and stood by him and he threw that all in your face. So learn from it. Be a bit more selective in whom you chose to support and be with, try to find someone on the "Outside ". So you don't have to wait to see if what he "says" or writes is the truth and comes from the Heart , not just out of Need for someone to Care while he's serving Time..

You have let his treatment of you put you in a " Prison " an Emotional Prison. He spent his time, got out and moved on with his life. You need to open that Prison Cell Door and let yourself Free and get on with your life. You have the Key to doing this. It's accepting that you were used, accepting that he is a Jerk, accepting that you deserve someone who will not treat you like that.

Open that Door, close it and lock it behind you and walk out into the Sunshine, head held high, Knowing you are free to love again and this time be Loved back .

[KMonte85]

you need to read, re-read, and read again the last thread you wrote about this man... click on BD's link and READ, because you seemed to understand at that time. There's nothing else we can tell you that wasn't already said. I honestly believe you do know what happened and why, you're just having trouble accepting it.

What are you doing to heal yourself? it seems right now you're still just dwelling on the pain, torturing yourself. You need to find something you love to do to distract your mind from beating itself up all the time, over something so undeserving..

[rubyrage21]

you need to read, re-read, and read again the last thread you wrote about this man... click on BD's link and READ, because you seemed to understand at that time. There's nothing else we can tell you that wasn't already said. I honestly believe you do know what happened and why, you're just having trouble accepting it.

What are you doing to heal yourself? it seems right now you're still just dwelling on the pain, torturing yourself. You need to find something you love to do to distract your mind from beating itself up all the time, over something so undeserving..

I do NOT know what happened which is the reason why i am having a hard time getting over it. I did lose the thread which is why i posted again. It is so easy for people on the outside to just say go on, move on etc. but im sure you know its not that simple especially when your heart is involved. I am still young, he was the first man that i fully trusted and gave my "ALL" too which is why its so devastating. I am doing better but i talk about it to help me move on.

[rubyrage21]

I had thought I read this " story " before. I had assumed you may have lost where you posted the first time about it. If that happens, you can always go to your own Profile and click on the left side on the menu that says Latest posts or all Posts. If you then post on your own thread it will bring it back up in the New Posts section.

BD is right. Time to let go.. It doesn't matter what he thinks. You know you cared and helped him and stood by him and he threw that all in your face. So learn from it. Be a bit more selective in whom you chose to support and be with, try to find someone on the "Outside ". So you don't have to wait to see if what he "says" or writes is the truth and comes from the Heart , not just out of Need for someone to Care while he's serving Time..

You have let his treatment of you put you in a " Prison " an Emotional Prison. He spent his time, got out and moved on with his life. You need to open that Prison Cell Door and let yourself Free and get on with your life. You have the Key to doing this. It's accepting that you were used, accepting that he is a Jerk, accepting that you deserve someone who will not treat you like that.

Open that Door, close it and lock it behind you and walk out into the Sunshine, head held high, Knowing you are free to love again and this time be Loved back .

you made me smile because i did lose the thread. thanks for showing me how to find it. I will be able to accept it one of these days. I honestly am having a hard time believing that the treatment i received is who he REALLY is. When i try to accept it, my mind always makes me remember how he used to be not just in prison but for the first month he got home. If he was like this as soon as he came out, i think that i would be able to accept it but he was still sweet when he first came home. I know i am still blinded and am still praying and fighting for the day that i can stop blaming myself for this situation and actually see him for who he really is. Thank you all for the advice. Please be patient with me, i am very very emotional and i am taking in everything that you are saying.

[KMonte85]

I do NOT know what happened which is the reason why i am having a hard time getting over it. I did lose the thread which is why i posted again. It is so easy for people on the outside to just say go on, move on etc. but im sure you know its not that simple especially when your heart is involved. I am still young, he was the first man that i fully trusted and gave my "ALL" too which is why its so devastating. I am doing better but i talk about it to help me move on.

Hey, no need to get snippy... You speak differently in your other thread, which is why I believe(d) you're just having trouble coming to terms with what you already know.

That being... you were used. The man you fell in love with was a facade. The man who broke your heart - now that's the real person. He needed someone during his difficult time and you rose to the occasion. When he no longer needed that someone (you), he cast you aside. He probably doesn't want anything to do with you because either you remind him of a darker time in his life, when he was locked up. Or, and sorry to be harsh here, he just didn't care for you in the beginning but you were better than nothing. So once he had his freedom back, his options grew and you were no longer needed.

It sucks, and I understand your pain because you didn't see it coming and you did not deserve to be treated that way (no one does!). But that's it. I'm not sure how you're going to get past this until you let go of this notion that the man you knew while he was in the pen (and a little while he was out) is not the person he really is.

Have you thought about working with a counselor? I'm not trying to be offenseive, here either. I understand writing your pain can be therapeutic and everyone must vent, but there comes a time when we must start coping with loss in a more productive way to truly move past it, and I worry that perhaps you're stuck in a place where that isn't happen. A counselor may be able to help you figure out how to get over this emotional rollercoaster. Because every day you're living this life of negativity is another day of your life lost to the loser who broke your heart.

[rubyrage21]

Hey, no need to get snippy... You speak differently in your other thread, which is why I believe(d) you're just having trouble coming to terms with what you already know.

That being... you were used. The man you fell in love with was a facade. The man who broke your heart - now that's the real person. He needed someone during his difficult time and you rose to the occasion. When he no longer needed that someone (you), he cast you aside. He probably doesn't want anything to do with you because either you remind him of a darker time in his life, when he was locked up. Or, and sorry to be harsh here, he just didn't care for you in the beginning but you were better than nothing. So once he had his freedom back, his options grew and you were no longer needed.

It sucks, and I understand your pain because you didn't see it coming and you did not deserve to be treated that way (no one does!). But that's it. I'm not sure how you're going to get past this until you let go of this notion that the man you knew while he was in the pen (and a little while he was out) is not the person he really is.

Have you thought about working with a counselor? I'm not trying to be offenseive, here either. I understand writing your pain can be therapeutic and everyone must vent, but there comes a time when we must start coping with loss in a more productive way to truly move past it, and I worry that perhaps you're stuck in a place where that isn't happen. A counselor may be able to help you figure out how to get over this emotional rollercoaster. Because every day you're living this life of negativity is another day of your life lost to the loser who broke your heart.

I wasn't being snippy, sorry if i came off that way, i really didnt mean to. I thought you meant that i didnt share with the thread what really happend and was just stating that i truly didnt know. But you were referring to the answers i got from you and everyone else who responded to the thread and i get it now. I have thought about counseling but honestly i dont believe in that. I will get through this, its a mind thing and i am allowing the situation to torture me. But thanks for all the advice.

[BabyGirl]

You're Welcome Ruby, Actually when I first came here , I'd lose my threads too. But then I realized that it didn't stay on the first page, when tons of people have problems or subjects to talk about. I also learned that you can just use the Search Bar (upper right ) type in the Subject and you can get Close to either your Threads & Replies, or others that you just Follow up with .

So, on to help you heal , faster.
I have some " Bad Boy Brothers " And I mean Jail Birds, Habitual Jail Birds. And when the go to Jail or the Pen, the first thing they do, is try to keep with or hook up with a Female on the outside. They want & need some woman to write them, Call them , Visit them, put money on their Books, send or prepay and have delivered, the Proper clothing or shoes or allowed TV, Magazines,and Christmas " packages ".

Let me tell you Girl..
Every single Letter you wrote him, was read to his "Celly " and most of his Cell Block in the Day Room. Every Sexual innuendo, every Photo, every Poem, every " I love you and Miss You and Can't wait for you to get out, so we can make love every day ".

Every single Flowery word, was read to others. And the whole time, he was telling them " She's My Bytch" She loves me, will do anything I say or ask and when I get out, She's gonna take care of me, until, I find another Bytch.

Honey, they learn to Play the " Game" in Prison. They Have to Follow the Rules or be punished and lose privileges . The Men that have a " Woman " and a Faithful Loving Woman, tend to have less problems with being used as another Inmates "Woman "..

When they get up for Parole or Probation,( though some just do their Time Straight, with no Parole or Probation,) Before they are released, they have to talk with a " Counselor ". To determine if they can survive, be supported ( Family wise or Relationship wise ), to make sure or at least help the Counselor determine that they are not just going to go out and commit the same crime or even worse, commit some new crimes/ scams they learned in Prison .

Now.. For the first 30-90 days, if on Probation or Parole. The Cops and the Probation office and the Courts , have a pretty good eye on the Released. If he put your Address as his Release address ( living with Girlfriend or Fiance ). He only had to wait a short time and then give a reason of " we Broke up ".
If he didn't give your address or name, He was probably feeling like he " Owed You " for the time spent by you ,So had a and probably really good Sex and he had Devoted Love from you... After 10 years you were the one waiting for him.Which is a good thing.. It means he may have a Conscience ??

But then.. Somehow, some way, he just didn't need you anymore. One little argument, one little disagreement, one little thing you did not do his way or the way He wanted and He was Gone, No reason, No rhyme, Just Gone ! Not Kosher here and I'm not even Jewish faith.

He paid his price to Humanity by serving his sentence. But 10 years for a 16 year old is a pretty Serious Crime, Even tried as an Adult, it is very Serious to have to spend the whole 10 years.
I hope he has learned his Lesson that committing crimes has taught him . And I hope he never uses a sweet woman like you ever again.

I hope you have Learned your Lesson.. Not to give all of you to someone you cannot Touch and Feel or see on Video/ Skype/ Fb/ photos, regularly and share the Good with the Bad.

Again, You did Nothing Wrong, you were just " in Love " and Used and Gullible to him, that knew he could take advantage of your Love and faithfulness and Good Nature. It happens all the time.


Jail Birds are kinda a " Special Group " of People. It's almost like being raised in a " Religion ".
Indoctrinated by Behavior modification/ training/ raising from birth of " DAY ONE .. In PRISON..
Taught to adhere to ( fill in Religious Belief ). My Brothers, have been Christians, Buddhists, Jehovah Witnesses, Lutheran, Mormon , Atheists, Agnostics Church of ( any they can fill in that gives the " Support & Redemption and Of Course $$$$ and temp housing when they get out .


We had a Thread about Jail & Prisons and Release of Inmates * (thanks to your first post ) and what to do with them, but it seems to be on a few pages back, over a discussion about Drugs and the legal distribution of them , Including The word Legal .. Lol
We may start that back up ?

[rubyrage21]

You're Welcome Ruby, Actually when I first came here , I'd lose my threads too. But then I realized that it didn't stay on the first page, when tons of people have problems or subjects to talk about. I also learned that you can just use the Search Bar (upper right ) type in the Subject and you can get Close to either your Threads & Replies, or others that you just Follow up with .

So, on to help you heal , faster.
I have some " Bad Boy Brothers " And I mean Jail Birds, Habitual Jail Birds. And when the go to Jail or the Pen, the first thing they do, is try to keep with or hook up with a Female on the outside. They want & need some woman to write them, Call them , Visit them, put money on their Books, send or prepay and have delivered, the Proper clothing or shoes or allowed TV, Magazines,and Christmas " packages ".

Let me tell you Girl..
Every single Letter you wrote him, was read to his "Celly " and most of his Cell Block in the Day Room. Every Sexual innuendo, every Photo, every Poem, every " I love you and Miss You and Can't wait for you to get out, so we can make love every day ".

Every single Flowery word, was read to others. And the whole time, he was telling them " She's My Bytch" She loves me, will do anything I say or ask and when I get out, She's gonna take care of me, until, I find another Bytch.

Honey, they learn to Play the " Game" in Prison. They Have to Follow the Rules or be punished and lose privileges . The Men that have a " Woman " and a Faithful Loving Woman, tend to have less problems with being used as another Inmates "Woman "..

When they get up for Parole or Probation,( though some just do their Time Straight, with no Parole or Probation,) Before they are released, they have to talk with a " Counselor ". To determine if they can survive, be supported ( Family wise or Relationship wise ), to make sure or at least help the Counselor determine that they are not just going to go out and commit the same crime or even worse, commit some new crimes/ scams they learned in Prison .

Now.. For the first 30-90 days, if on Probation or Parole. The Cops and the Probation office and the Courts , have a pretty good eye on the Released. If he put your Address as his Release address ( living with Girlfriend or Fiance ). He only had to wait a short time and then give a reason of " we Broke up ".
If he didn't give your address or name, He was probably feeling like he " Owed You " for the time spent by you ,So had a and probably really good Sex and he had Devoted Love from you... After 10 years you were the one waiting for him.Which is a good thing.. It means he may have a Conscience ??

But then.. Somehow, some way, he just didn't need you anymore. One little argument, one little disagreement, one little thing you did not do his way or the way He wanted and He was Gone, No reason, No rhyme, Just Gone ! Not Kosher here and I'm not even Jewish faith.

He paid his price to Humanity by serving his sentence. But 10 years for a 16 year old is a pretty Serious Crime, Even tried as an Adult, it is very Serious to have to spend the whole 10 years.
I hope he has learned his Lesson that committing crimes has taught him . And I hope he never uses a sweet woman like you ever again.

I hope you have Learned your Lesson.. Not to give all of you to someone you cannot Touch and Feel or see on Video/ Skype/ Fb/ photos, regularly and share the Good with the Bad.

Again, You did Nothing Wrong, you were just " in Love " and Used and Gullible to him, that knew he could take advantage of your Love and faithfulness and Good Nature. It happens all the time.


Jail Birds are kinda a " Special Group " of People. It's almost like being raised in a " Religion ".
Indoctrinated by Behavior modification/ training/ raising from birth of " DAY ONE .. In PRISON..
Taught to adhere to ( fill in Religious Belief ). My Brothers, have been Christians, Buddhists, Jehovah Witnesses, Lutheran, Mormon , Atheists, Agnostics Church of ( any they can fill in that gives the " Support & Redemption and Of Course $$$$ and temp housing when they get out .


We had a Thread about Jail & Prisons and Release of Inmates * (thanks to your first post ) and what to do with them, but it seems to be on a few pages back, over a discussion about Drugs and the legal distribution of them , Including The word Legal .. Lol
We may start that back up ?

WOW BabyGirl. That was very enlightening. The funny thing is that he mentioned how other men talk and treat their lady but convinced me that it wasnt the same with him. He went to extremes by for one getting my name tattooed along side of his ring finger, introducing me to his family as his wife, and even planning an engagement ring to propose. All of that is where the confusion comes in because if he never cared he would have never done that right?

He never stayed with me, he lives with his father and his family. I just got out of college 8 months before he came so so i wasnt established yet and am still living at home until i save enough to move out so he knew or he should have known that i wouldnt be able to take care of him.

What you said about him telling his "dormitory" (he was in minimum) that i love him and would do anything for him seems so true because when he came home, he spoke to me and about me as though he had me wrapped around his finger. I told him that i didnt want kids until i was married and he told me that if he really wanted me to have a kid, all he had to do was throw a temper tantrum and i would go ahead and do it. Another instance was when he told my mother that he was going to send me down to florida to spend time with his mother for 2 weeks. My mother told him that i was not going to go and he proceeded to tell her that i would go if he told me to. I dont know where he got that confidence from because i never gave him an incentive that i would do anything that he asked me to do. To my mother, that was the first red flag.

On the outside, (from mutual acquaintances) it looks as though he is adjusting great, and he is happy which is why i was made to feel like it was me or something about me that made him that way, and now that i am out of the picture, he is fine. (It may be my mind torturing me again) but thats what hurts and bothers me

But i have learned a very valuable lesson and a very painful one. I was gullible because i could have bet my life that he would not do what he did to me. I was that convinced. I didnt think anyone could treat anyone like he did me especially because of his circumstances. The fact that you say it happens all the times, hurts my heart because i wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy.