[billsmith34]

I recently moved to a new city for work, and I'm in the process of meeting new people and getting settled. I have a small social network at this point (i've only been here 7 weeks). Three weeks ago I was introduced to a single girl through a friend. She's about 7 seven years younger than me. We've seen each other three times since the initial introduction. First time was with a group of her friends on a saturday night - it resulted in her taking me back to her place to spend the evening - no sex, but a full hook up at night and in the morning. Second time, was when I took her out for drinks midweek (four days after our first hookup). I asked her out over the phone - call lasted 30 min and it was a humorous and relaxed conversation. Drinks went well - 3 hr date - I paid, and I kissed her goodnight. Texted her two days later to see what she was up to that evening (it was a Saturday). We had some fun back and forth and agreed to meet up that night. I again met her friends at a local bar. She and I talked for most of the night, we bought each other drinks, and just had a fun, relaxed time with her friends. Again, we went back to her place and had a full hookup (no sex) at night and in the morning.

She drove me home in the morning, and I said I'd give her a call and we should hang out again soon. She told me earlier that she was going out of town the coming weekend. I waited a few days and then called her on a Tuesday to see if she wanted to go country line dancing with me and some of my friends on Wednesday night. She said she had dinner plans on Wed. I said no problem, and asked her about Thursday. She said that Thursday could work, but she might have to work late. I said to let me know and we can go from there. We then proceeded to have a 25 min conversation that was again, relaxed and humorous.

The next day she texted me saying that she could meet up for drinks later in the evening post a work dinner, and she's love to see me. I texted back that this sounds good, I made a joke about how my friends and I planned to dance up a storm at the country line dancing place, and for her to let me know when her dinner was finished. The next morning (day of the planned date), she texted that she "can't wait to hear about my country line dancing exploits", but that her work dinner got pushed back to later in the evening and that she couldn't make drinks tonight. She asked for a "raincheck", but didn't suggest another date in the future to meet up. I texted back, "No problem. I'm one dance lesson away from line dancing stardom - i just know it. Have fun with your family this weekend!" It's been a few hours and she hasn't responded.

So, now I'm struggling to figure out my next move, and I'm also wondering if she's trying to let me down easy. Do I wait for her to reach out to me next week? Should I be the one that initiates contact? If so, do I text her or call her? And when is the right time to do that? We are both on the same kickball team and we have a game in seven days. Do I just wait to see her then and play it cool? I like this girl and want to see where things could go, but I don't want to scare her off by coming on too strong.

Thank you in advance for any thoughts and suggestions!!

[KMonte85]

I think you're making all the right moves here, and I definitely think from what you've written here that she's as into you as you're into her.

It gets busy the week before out of town plans, so try to cut her a little slack with having to postpone the drinks. She had a busy work schedule and had to prepare to leave for a few days, so unfortunately, the time wasn't right to get together, but I don't in any way get an indication that was her way of "letting you down easy" A girl that doesn't want to lead you on won't repeatedly hook up with you, apologize for cancelling plans and ask for a raincheck. She likes you.

At this point, I would wait until she's back from her trip for a day or two (because she'll probably be busy playing catch up the day she's back). Tell her welcome back and you hope she had a great time with her family, say you're looking forward to hearing about her trip at Kickball. Then leave it at that. It gives her the opportunity to schedule a get-together sooner if she can, but without any pressure to do so if she can't because of her schedule or whatever may be going on.

Just try not to overthink this thing you've got going on with her. You've done great thus far just being together because you're comfortable around each other, so try not to lose that feeling by overanalyzing!

And, btw... YAY FOR YOU! This sounds like such a sweet situation you've got going with this gal!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I agree with KM.

She likes that you are courting her and not pushing her for sex.

She is spending quite some time talking to you and hrs on dates and she made the text message to you mentioning "can't wait" to hear about your line-dancing.

Can't wait suggest actually wanting to know.

She could be wary that you are a bit older and also new there and is just feeling her way but she's happy to be intimate with you in other ways.

If she is in-deed liking the "courting" she will be waiting on your move.

I wouldn't wait until next week, I'd send a text on the weekend, that would make her know you were thinking about her, therefore, like her as well as make her laugh without her having to reply if she doesn't want to..

"Checking the rain " Hope you are having fun... Something like that .

[Guest]

From a fellow male's perspective...

Sounds like everything is going great! Continue to be patient, kind and keep up the courting...

Your obviously on to something that could be great IF you don't push too hard or rush too fast.

I agree that sending her a (very brief) text over the weekend is the way to go. And when she mentioned that she "can't wait to hear..." all about your line dancing...that does not mean that she wants to hear the history of line dancing or every minute detail... She wants to hear a summary of your evening...Some highs, some funny moments and a pint or two of how much fun you had. Keep it light, keep it short and give her the opportunity to expand on what you've offered IF SHE wants to.

Always remember that you hve two ears and one mouth so listen twice as much as you talk. It's sound advice in business and in love.

[billsmith34]

Hi KM,

Quick follow up on my situation - I waited until this Tuesday to text her a brief "welcome back" text. She replied and we've had a few back and forth texts over the last two days. I've kept it light and comical, and has she. That being said, she hasn't initiated any of the conversations, and last night she didn't reply to my last text. I will see her tonight at the kickball game, and I'm just not sure if I should plan to ask her out for a date this weekend, or play it cool and not bring anything up.

Honestly, my gut tells me this is quickly going south, which is super frustrating b/c I'm really struggling to figure out what I did/didn't do that has made her lose interest. I have two thoughts on how I could have blown it: 1) the last time we saw each other I didn't hug her goodbye when her friend dropped me off at my apt. I told her friend thank you for the ride, and then told my girl I would call her. I didn't deliberately not hug her - I just didn't want to make an overly affectionate display in front of her friend; 2) Our last phone call I might have talked too much -- I really can't remember all the details, but I did tell her two stories (that I thought were humorous) that might have resulted in me talking for more than half of the time.

So, curious to hear your thoughts on a) did I blow it? b) how should I play it tonight?

Thank you!

[KMonte85]

I don't think you've blown it. The no hug was/is minor given the history you two already have. And don't worry about those texts conversations. So often conversations had through text messages are misinterpreted. Sure, she may not have responded to your last message, but there's a good chance she read it and meant to respond, then forgot. It happens. I know I've done it (and gotten flack for it too) about a thousand times. I'm also not concerned that she hasn't initiated as much.

Your best bet is to gauge her reaction to you at Kickball tonight. In person you'll learn so much more than you ever will over the phone. Welcome her back warmly, give her a nice hug, ask her about her trip ... basically, just be you Try not to over-analyze the situation and psych yourself out, but do stay conscious of how she reacts to you. If she seems friendly and warm like she enjoys your company, ask her if she'd have some time for a date this weekend or the next. I see no problem with asking her out at kickball if she seems welcoming to you.

Let us know how kickball goes tonight! I'll have my fingers crossed for you that you get yourself a hot date for the weekend hehe

[billsmith34]

Hi KM,

Here's the latest:

Kickball on Thurs. went well. I arrived at the game just as it was starting so my hi to her (Jill) was quick, but friendly. I coach the team so that kept me busy and focused during the game. Post game, we all went to a bar for drinks. I sat at the opposite end of the table from her (just worked out that way) and i was conversing with my teammates for the first 30 minutes or so. I then went over to her side of the table and began to chat her up a bit. Again, kept the conversation light and humorous. We then began to play a drinking game (flip cup) and we were again at opposite sides of the table. I noticed that she would repeatedly make eye contact with me and smile. I would smile back. Eventually most of our teammates left and she and her friend, Cary, remained and the three of us hung out. Jill and I definitely had a variety of playful back and forth flirting episodes during the latter part of the night. Eventually we all left the bar and went our separate ways. On the way out Jill gave me a big hug and said "We'll talk".

The next evening around 8:30, I get a text from Cary saying, "Hi Kevin, me and some of my friends are out at the local bar. are you around to join?". I said I was and that I could head over in about an hour. At this point I was really curious if Jill would be there, and if so, why didn't she text me???

I arrive at the bar and, yes, Jill is there. There's an open seat right next to her so I sit down next to Jill. I say hi to the entire table and everyone is welcoming. Its Jill, her 3 girl friends and two guys from the kickball team (both have girlfriends). I begin my time at the table talking to Jill's two friends immediately to my left. I'm not ignoring Jill, but I was just talking casually with her friends about a recent current event. This goes on for about 10 min, and then the conversation opens up to the entire table. During the next 2 hours, I chat with the table, but slowly but surely I focus my attention on Jill. I feel that the conversation went well. We talked about a few books we had both recently read, two tv shows we both enjoyed, and a recent trip I took to a location we had both been to before. I was sure to let her speak as much as me, but I was disappointed that she really didn't ask me any questions such as "how was your day?", "what are you up to this weekend?" or anything that would show to me she wanted to know more about my world.

the night ended after about a 3 hour all in time at the bar. It was a fun time -- and I know her friends like/respect me based on their actions during the night. However, Jill was not as flirtatious as she was the night before post kickball. Jill was the designated driver that night for her friends so she drove them home, but first she dropped me off. I said goodbye to her friends and then said goodbye to jill before getting out of the car.

About 30 min later, i get a text from Jill saying "i'm glad you hung out with us tonight. Good night!" I then playfully responded to her about how the water she was drinking all night was actually vodka and that her driving ability was spectacular nonetheless. She responded playfully, and we had a back and forth of about 3 messages each before it died out.

So, I feel like I'm getting a variety of mixed signals here, and I don't know how to make my next move. First a few questions:

Why would Jill have her friend text me to hang out, instead of Jill being the one to invite me?? Is that a game girl's play with guys?? Jill wouldn't have allowed her friend to text me unless Jill wanted to see me, right?

I assume the fact that Jill texted me late night post bar was a good sign of her interest level. She didn't have to text me, and our playful back and forth was a positive, in my eyes.

So, my gut tells me to maybe shoot her a playful text this Saturday (I know she is routing for a specific college football team this weekend) about the football game, and see if she responds. Then, I plan to wait until monday night and then give her a phone call, and ask her out on a weekday date. Does this make sense, or should i pull back at this point and wait to see her next thursday at kickball?

Any help you can provide to give me some insight into this girl's mind, and how best to play it moving forward would be fantastic!

[billsmith34]

Quick addition to me above post:

A few friends of mine are going to see a DJ tonight (Saturday). I could ask Jill if she would like to join me? However, that means we would have hung out 3 days in a row. Is that being too aggressive? Maybe I should just wait to call her on Monday?

[jns]

If she likes you, hanging out 3 days in a row is not too much. Did you ask her, if so what was her answer?

[billsmith34]

I didn't ask her b/c I thought that would have been too many days in a row hanging out. BUT, I'm still hung up on what to do next and how to interpret her actions as per my post #7 above. Any thoughts?