[Magnetism]

I live 45 minutes away from a major city. I'm considering moving closer to the city to maximize my options in the dating scene. The suburbs I've lived in are dominated by families, middle-aged adults, and senior citizens. It's not like there's a place where the type of crowd I'm looking for hangs out.

Traditional courtship rules say the man should drive to the woman, but I'm meeting men in their late 20's and early 30's that want me to come to them. I'm willing to meet halfway, but I don't want to be driving out to them ALL of the time. The thing is is that my town is very boring, whereas there's more to do in the city. I also feel like where I live might be a turn off to people, and they may prefer women that live closer to them.

Some people say that if a man really likes you, he wouldn't complain about driving to you. That he would do anything it takes to see you. Do you agree? Or is my location really a disadvantage in the dating scene? They call my town the "boonies."

I'm looking at new jobs, so hopefully I get one that's near the city and then I can move there.

[DreamP346]

Some people say that if a man really likes you, he wouldn't complain about driving to you. That he would do anything it takes to see you. Do you agree? Or is my location really a disadvantage in the dating scene? They call my town the "boonies."

True, but how do you get to the "like" point if you are so out of the way. People in the boonies date and meet people too, but I find that people in the boonies (I live in one) tend to be very similar, and follow what I consider boring heteronormative lives. If you are looking for spice, different, wild and more options, you are better off moving into the city. You will find yourself in a singles culture and surrounded by people who want to hand out with just you regardless of your relationship status. You can be seeing somebody, but people don't see you as a unit but your own person. You don't get invited to parties as a couple. And going by yourself to parties and events, even if you are dating somebody, doesn't look strange.

I've lived in major cities and now in the boonies. If I had to date again, I would definitely not stay where I am now. There is not enough variety; and standing out of crowd, doing different and wanting different doesn't usually work very well in the boonies. Unless you hate the city life, move to the city and enjoy.

[Hugo-B]

I would drive to meet a woman, and have in fact done. I remember driving about 60-90 minutes (traffic depending) to meet a couple of girls last year.

For the first meeting I would be prepared to drive to you to meet you for a coffee, but if we were going to start going out partying in the city then common sense would dictate you'd need to come out to the city to meet me, not me driving back and forth on myself.

If I lived in the city and we got into a relationship then I'd say - in the interests of fairness - that we simply take it in turns when we see each other. I quite like quiet areas and would rather live in them and then just travel into the city as and when I need to.

But yeah, I agree with SP, you're young, free, and single, move into the city and enjoy yourself, time is on your side.

[Element]

Well, my man drove 12 hours to come and see me. But we were also long distance at the time and it was our first meet; that lasted 3 days.

I think it'll all just boil down to how you want your relationships handled. Do you want equality? You both drive half way and meet up. Or he drives out to see you and next time you drive out to see him. Do you feel like you're being taken advantage of when you drive out to see the man multiple times? Do you feel as if you are putting more into the relationship than him?

It obviously is bothering you as you posted it on the website. I think it would be wise for you to sit down and determine how you would like your relationships to be handled and how you would like to be treated in the relationship. If you are willing to go out of your way for him, but he isn't for you; do you view this as a problem?

[Magnetism]

I think things tend to work better when the man pursues the woman in the beginning, and that includes driving up to see her. Once things get more serious, then a couple can switch back to who goes to who. I would see it as a problem if I'm doing all the driving and the man could care less about seeing me.

SP said it perfectly when she said "boring heteronormative" lives. That's exactly how I feel. The men that ask me out in this area are men in their 40's, 50's and 60's. Some of these men tend to be unemployed or they watch sports all day and drink beer. I can't relate to that. I would like a partner that's within my age range (29-35 max), career-oriented/driven, and shares my interests of music, art, movies and what not. I think the city would also be better for bisexuals, because the top popular gay/lesbian clubs are in downtown.

I chose the "boony" areas, because of my job and affordability. Living near the city is pricey.

[PinkySweet]

You know when I first met my boyfriend(Hes my husband now) we lived about 45-60 minutes apart depending on traffic.. He always drove to see me =] usually every weekend he'd come get me and I spend the weekend with him and every once in awhile Id drive to him.

I believe if a guy really likes you he wouldn't mind driving to you.

[Little]

I agree with BB in that there's no reason why an unfancy first date can't be in your area or at least closer to it. Even the smallest of towns has a cafe or breakfast restaurant in the square. Discouraging a very expensive and showy first date is a good thing in my books.

I'd take any man's refusal to come to me with a grain of salt. Is it because he lives smack in the center of the city and doesn't have reliable transport? Or is it because he thinks he's more important than me and I should come to him? Is my location really that inconvenient ... or is the real situation somewhere in the middle of all that? Every action while dating is a "clue" as to what kind of person you really are dating.

So, do you move into the city to make things more convenient, removing that first clue? I just don't find a 45 minute drive that off-putting. Maybe because I live at least that far from every single one of my friends and routinely go forth and visit them without enticement of romance or sex. When I first started talking to my last serious boyfriend before hubby, I drove 2.5 hours to the next city to meet him the first time. 45 minutes is kiddy stuff

[Magnetism]

The main reason why I ask is that my therapist questioned why I was always driving to see a certain man. I'm not in a relationship with this man, and choose not to be. But, we're friends and we have mutually agreed to explore each other. My therapist thought that I was "giving too much" and need to take my power back. If it's just sex and not getting some man to fall in love with you, who cares?

This man doesn't have a car and recently lost a job. He has tried to plan out to come to see me, but it's on days where I can't do it. My neighbors are also very nosy, and they're going to ask "Who is that man?" I would rather keep friends with benefits situations discreet, and not have to worry about people wondering what's going on between us. By going to his place that's 45 minutes away from me, I don't have to worry about running into someone I know.
This man's town is also a nice getaway compared to mine. I like the fun, busy and beachy feel to his town. I have a cat that's also scared of visitors, and it would be odd having sex in front of her.


I'm also okay with this man losing interest and ending it. In fact, I even told him "This is going to end someday. I might fall in love with someone else." I wouldn't want this man to get attached me or want me to stay tied down to him.

[Little]

I meant to respond to this before, but I got side tracked.

I would wonder why your therapist wants you to "take back power" from a man who you're legitimately not attached to. One who is respectful and giving you a safe sexual environment to experiment in. It seems like you NEED that safe environment. Your relationship has value outside of power plays, you have something you can exchange. I'd argue that a casual sex relationship is better for gaining confidence with sex and learning new techniques because you don't worry about spending your life with the person if you mess up or do something embarrassing.

[JonDoe]

I have a cat that's also scared of visitors, and it would be odd having sex in front of her.

Just put the cat in another room and close the door or in a pet carrier when you are planning to get "busy". Unless of course you are looking for excuses. Which ***** is more important?