[azalea]

I'm in the opposite position! My boyfriend wants kids more than anything, but I REALLY don't want kids. It's definitely a very real problem when you get to late 20's - mid 30's and you can't agree on wanting kids, because it's such a huge life change one way or the other. I worry sometimes that my boyfriend feels that I am being selfish and unreasonable in my reasons for not wanting kids... but our lives are our own, and we can't expect our partners to make such huge commitments or sacrifices for us, or vice versa. I'm still trying to find the solution to this problem myself :[ Those "maternal instincts" people have always told me about haven't kicked in for me yet.

[jns]

Many men want children, but they may not be willing to have them until they are financially stable enough. You need to be with someone that is of like mind. Trying to convert a guy is a risky proposition.

[rcoreyus]

Don't wait and hope that you reach an agreement - this is too important. For people who want kids they can be the most important thing in the world. For people who don't, they will completely destroy the life you have.

[kira]

I had the opposite problem. Finding men who don't want kids ever. I'd settled for finding a guy who already had kids so I at least didn't have to go through pregnancy and a new baby or maybe even not having to deal with them living with us all the time. My husband had agreed if they stayed together to get his gf pregnant and then not interact with the child until it was older. So when my sort of bf who had marriage and kids in his eyes got dumped (I never agreed to be his gf in the first place) and my husband got dumped we were quite happy to take our friendship to an absolutely no kids relationship. He has a vasectomy with zero sperm count and I'm on birth control pills for medical reasons. We have decided if I get pregnant we are deeming it an act of god and becoming religious. If my biological clock ever goes off he's to get me a puppy.

[azalea]

Haha, that's funny kira! I'm glad to know I'm not the only lady around here whose "biological clock" hasn't gone off yet. As of right now, I have 0% desire to have kids, in fact, I'd really prefer not to. I feel really uncomfortable when older women tell me "Oh, you'll come around." I sort of hate the assumption that we're just destined to have kids... but at the same time, I'm wondering if this mythical "biological clock" will kick in. Otherwise, my boyfriend and I have numbered days on our relationship, because he's getting to the age where he thinks it's time to have kids.

[Element]

My boyfriend has always wanted a family since he was 16. But at 20 he got a baby momma. He still wants a family and told me when we first began that he wants 2-3 more. We talk about kids and ponder about "one-day". But I had already told him when he had first mentioned it at the beginning of our relationship that if he wants kids with me; he's doing it the right way, no more short cuts. Marriage first, then kids. I refuse to be a baby momma, let alone a second baby momma. Which he is perfectly fine with. However I'm in my mid-twenties and I'm in no hurry, so there's biological clock ticking for me. I would like to be a mother before I'm 30. But I don't want to rush anything just to make that happen. It will all happen with time.

So yes, there are men out there that want children. That want a family. I have one as proof.

[dianaz]

yes, they exist. However, it may take them some time to realise that! My sister waited for 7 years until her husband was ready, and it's such a pleasure to see him with his baby now

[Harmony]

Many men want children, but they may not be willing to have them until they are financially stable enough. You need to be with someone that is of like mind. Trying to convert a guy is a risky proposition.

I couldn't agree with this more; I think the biological urge to have children is understandably the primary motivating force for women, whereas men (who obviously DO have powerful sexual urges) tend to look at things from a more practical perspective since the archetypical man will be required to provide for his family.

There are worse things than men who don't want children: men who have sex with a reckless disregard for the consequences and leave women to raise them single handedly, or worse have them with women who have sex with a reckless disregard for the consequences with men who also have sex with a reckless for the consequences.

[Harmony]

My 26 Y/O son does Not want kids, he is still a Virgin, has only had 1 girlfriend, when he was 16-17. She wanted sex ( she was 16 ) he said no, he wasn't ready, the more he said no, the harder she tried.
Finally he broke up with her,because she kept pressuring him .

Then he ran into her 3 or so years later and she had 2 kids and 1 on the way . He just says he feels so Lucky to have stood by his choices not to be sexually active.

The reasons he gives for not wanting kids.

1) The Expense .
He says, he does not want to raise or be responsible for another life, that could have to be raised in Poverty or have to go without. Have medical issues or lifelong financial responsibility if a special needs child.
If he loses his job, he only has himself to worry about, where to live, have food on his plate.

2) The Needy Bratty Stage.
My son will literally cringe and walk out of a store or restaurant, even Mc Donald's ,which has a kids play area, if he hears a kid scream , whine, throw a fit or a parent yell or scream at their kid.

Now I must be fair about this. My son Likes kids, well behaved ones. I have asked him and he has said. That it is possible that he may Date or Marry a woman that has a Child ( not 2-5 kids ) One Child.. But that child must be past the Screaming, Pouting, throwing fits stages. So in his book, 8-9 years old would be OK . But he does not want any of his own for reasons above.

He has said, when he chooses to Date, he will be upfront and honest about his views and wishes. He will not him and haw about it,he will discuss it and let the woman know how he feels. This way, he says , she will not be wasting her time on hoping he will change his mind.

My son does not Drink, Smoke, use any Drugs, Recreational or otherwise. He feels that is how allot of men get " snagged " into being a Father when they really don't want to be one. Those Men are after Sex and not really thinking with the " Correct Head". lol

He has stated that he will get a Vasectomy when he does find that Special Woman, if before age 30 .(Condoms fail, Pills fail) . So as to make sure there are no " accidents ". He actually is planning to get one when he turns 30. This he says is so if he ever does date and look for a mate, he will be able to be Honest from the Start and if the woman has plans on kids, she will know ahead of time, they will not be from him .

Do I question my sons choices ?
I used to, but now I respect his Choices. The Economy is Terrible, Children are raised in Poverty, Families and Family values are in the Gutter ( for the most part ) .When the parents break up, there is a Custody fight, Children are used as " Pawns ".

I did not raise him " religious ", but he has been raised in most of the Spectrum's of Economy. From Has to Has Not, from Homeless to Comfortable. We as a Family have Struggled and his wish is to never go through that again, not in his realm . He has survived, the Father/ Step father abandonment.
This was on me and my Choices I made in the past . My Mistakes ( not my birth of my Kids ) were something even I learned the hard way .

He has learned from " Experience " . I should say Our Experiences as we are a Family and my kids were too young to make their own Choices for their Future . Now they can make them for themselves.

To answer your Question..
There may be some men out there that are unsure,they may wait until they are faced with the " Issue " is She's pregnant, what do I do ?

Some will leave, some will stay , some may try and make the best of it . But if you have that conversation in the earlier dating , the falling in Lust and Pre-Love times .You should be able to get a Straight Answer .

There is a Yes, No and Maybe.

My son is a No ! Through Abstinence and Definition of his Choices .
The Yes would be when the man answers your Question with " Lets have Sex and Make a baby ".Right Now
The Maybe, is when it's not talked about ahead of time and you both " Risk " it. And then deal with it, if it happens .

You must have cultivated a great relationship with your son for him to be able to discuss his feelings and sexuality with you. I started having sex quite late and have a great family yet I wouldn't EVER talk to my mum about girls. I can remember her trying to initiate 'mother and son' talks about sex with me when I was a 'rotten teenager' and I just flat out refused to talk to her about those things. She was a great mum but admitting to her that I was a virgin or talking to her about any insecurities I had about girls was something I would just never have done. A few years ago my aunty told me my mum once asked her if she thought I was gay, admitting she had wondered because I never brought any girls home! In reality I think this was because of all the teenage pregnancy rubbish my mum had read in the paper she just assumed I'd start having sex young.

[CheekyNess]

Some do, but not all. This is desperately important: you need to have a serious discussion with him to be sure that your desires here are compatible. This is a place where compromise is difficult - you can't "sort of" have children. It is the most important decision in your lives. Children make some people wonderfully happy, and some miserable.

This ^
When hubs and I were on date #1, I brought up many important topics, kids being one of them. I'm desperately scared of giving birth, and have no desire to do this. I would however, adopt. On date #1, I asked him his thoughts, and he quite readily said that he's fine with adoption. After 5 months of marriage however, is when he began saying that he'd rather try having our own before adopting, and that he's always felt this way. The moral: talk with your BF, get his real feelings on the subject (and I mean ALL of them). Talk openly and honestly. Everyone reserves the right to change their minds, but no one should feel pressured into doing something they don't want to do, ever. That means that you shouldn't give up your dream of having children, and your BF may or may not truly want them, and shouldn't feel pressured into having them. If you feel that he ends up telling you only what you want to hear, run far and fast!