[Magnetism]

Let's say you have a good male friend that adores you. But, he's much older than you (like a decade), he doesn't drive due to losing his license 15 years ago, lives with dad, and he's less educated than you and makes less money.



I did let him know that I just like him as a friend several times. He says he respects that, but he also says he won't stop trying to flirt with me in a non-threatening way. Should I let him know the reasons why I don't think we're a good fit, or is that rude? I did say that I prefer to date someone around my age, but he says "I'm not that old though." To me, I think his age is too much for me. I could say, "Well, I also prefer someone that's of a similar education to me and drives," but wouldn't that be hurtful to a man's ego?

Or, is it best to just keep setting my boundaries by saying "I prefer to stay friends." I wonder if he's hoping that I will say yes someday.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

In my opinion, there is no reason to hurt someone so no, there is no reason to give any reasons, you have already done that and made it clear that you are only after friendship. He needs to stop flirting though, even in a non-threatening way, it's obviously making you feel horrible and the need to continue to let him know that you are not interested.

I find it difficult in those situations because you do in-deed feel they are invading your space somewhat.

Having said that, I do understand the desire to have someone that drives a motor vehicle I mean you want to be courted right But, don't put up too many boundries of what a person should or should not be/have as you never know who the person will be that you will fall in love with that is there for you and treats you as a princess, in love.

You don't owe any further explanations as to why you are not interested in this guy but you probably should restrict the time spent a little more as not to give him any hope either.

[Harmony]

This ^

[jns]

To me, most of those things don't really matter. But as a guy, society wouldn't have as much of a problem with those being characteristics of a lady.

My concerns would rest with living with dad, not driving and losing his license. To me that shows a man not having much of a drive.

A guy with less formal education, but with a lot of skill at a trade or owning a successful business should not be a barrier (both show drive). Of course, some are taught to always go for the more educated.

Making a lot less money could be emasculating for some guys. Of those, some would let it affect them psychologically, others would use it as motivation. Others who wouldn't feel emasculated just wouldn't care. What is your reason for requiring Mr. Right to make more money?

To me, age really doesn't need to be a problem. 5 or 10 years younger or older shouldn't be a problem as long as the other parts of the relationship mesh. As the difference gets into the 15 to 20 year range, more work needs to be done to determine compatibility as the couple are now a generation apart. Does the older one act younger than their age and does the younger one act older (rhetorical)? More importantly to me is that both are in their upper twenties or more. Then you have people who know what they want and are not as likely to decide on something else in a short time.

You have your own criteria as to who is a good prospect. Apply your criteria and see where it leads you. If your criteria are not producing enough good prospects, consider changing them slightly to get more good prospects.

[Magnetism]

In my opinion, there is no reason to hurt someone so no, there is no reason to give any reasons, you have already done that and made it clear that you are only after friendship. He needs to stop flirting though, even in a non-threatening way, it's obviously making you feel horrible and the need to continue to let him know that you are not interested.

I find it difficult in those situations because you do in-deed feel they are invading your space somewhat.

Having said that, I do understand the desire to have someone that drives a motor vehicle I mean you want to be courted right But, don't put up too many boundries of what a person should or should not be/have as you never know who the person will be that you will fall in love with that is there for you and treats you as a princess, in love.

You don't owe any further explanations as to why you are not interested in this guy but you probably should restrict the time spent a little more as not to give him any hope either.

Thank you. I don't feel that he's a creepy guy or means any harm. I only see him a few times a year, as he's back in my parents' hometown.

Wanting someone that drives isn't just about being courted, but I feel like it makes life easier in the long-term. Let's say I'm at work and I can't take my kids to the game or their dance class. Wouldn't it be nice to have your spouse be able to drive them? As for the money/education thing, I'm not expecting someone to be filthy rich or to only hold an MBA or an MD. I just think it's more practical to start a marriage and family with someone that also has their career and finances in check.

[Magnetism]

Double post.

[nicole_3512]

I agree with Chandlers Wish.

[Magnetism]

To me, most of those things don't really matter. But as a guy, society wouldn't have as much of a problem with those being characteristics of a lady.

My concerns would rest with living with dad, not driving and losing his license. To me that shows a man not having much of a drive.

That's my exact concern as well. He got his license taken away for "possession", but he says he no longer does drugs.

A guy with less formal education, but with a lot of skill at a trade or owning a successful business should not be a barrier (both show drive). Of course, some are taught to always go for the more educated.

True, but he is nowhere near owning a business or involved in some sort of trade.

Making a lot less money could be emasculating for some guys. Of those, some would let it affect them psychologically, others would use it as motivation. Others who wouldn't feel emasculated just wouldn't care. What is your reason for requiring Mr. Right to make more money?

I'm not asking for someone to make more money, but wouldn't a huge discrepancy feel odd? I agree that some men will start to feel emasculated, even if they say they don't initially care.

5 or 10 years younger or older shouldn't be a problem as long as the other parts of the relationship mesh.

5-6 years older is fine, but this man is a whopping 13 years older than me. When I look at him, I see an older uncle type of guy and not a man that I can feel sexually attracted to. He's in his 40's, but I'm sorry to say that he looks much aged than my 55 year old mom and 60 year old step-father.

You have your own criteria as to who is a good prospect. Apply your criteria and see where it leads you. If your criteria are not producing enough good prospects, consider changing them slightly to get more good prospects.

Last time I checked, there's no shortage of career-oriented people close to my age that have a driver's license. I was just curious if it's a good idea to explain my preferences to him, or just not bother.

My preferences stem from looking at things from a practical view. I think it's easier to start a family with someone that is able to transport children, be able to teach them how to drive, and financially provide.

[jns]

I would not explain. But if you have to give a reason, keep falling back on the age difference. If he decided to get highly motivated (a big if) he could possibly change all of the other circumstances.

[TifaLee]

I have had this happen to me before as well. Just tell him that you really do not see him that way and you honestly never will. It makes you uncomfortable to hear him talk about it and that it will get in the way of your friendship if he continues to flirt. He is not your type and there is nothing that can fix that. Too many complications.