[Magnetism]

I would not explain. But if you have to give a reason, keep falling back on the age difference. If he decided to get highly motivated (a big if) he could possibly change all of the other circumstances.

Sounds like a plan to me. I could also say "I'm just not attracted to you", but that would be mean!

Luckily, he's fine with just being friends. I think he just likes to flirt and let me know that he finds me attractive.

[Mayflower7]

Should I tell my male friend the reasons why I don't want to date him?

Hi Magnetism,
I would like other's suggested tell him only interested in friendship, be careful off an over-attachment and crossing into the stalker category. I personally don't feel it matters if you love them. I couldn't be with someone who I am not attracted to though and you know right away, and it is not subject to change for myself.
Many thanks
Kate

[Magnetism]

I often feel like I have to explain "why" I'm not attracted to someone, but as others said..it's not necessary to explain. The desire to want to get romantically involved with someone is either there or not.

[nicole_3512]

I often feel like I have to explain "why" I'm not attracted to someone, but as others said..it's not necessary to explain. The desire to want to get romantically involved with someone is either there or not.

^ so true. most women do have that same feeling to explain why.

[BabyGirl]

The next time he Flirts or asks you to Date, just sweetly tell him " Aww You are great for my Ego and I think of you as Family , like an Older Brother "( or Uncle , whichever you chose to think of him as ).
Then tell him when and if you every Marry the man of your dreams , You'll make sure he sits at the " Family of the Bride Table " lol

[nicole_3512]

The next time he Flirts or asks you to Date, just sweetly tell him " Aww You are great for my Ego and I think of you as Family , like an Older Brother "( or Uncle , whichever you chose to think of him as ).
Then tell him when and if you every Marry the man of your dreams , You'll make sure he sits at the " Family of the Bride Table " lol

^^^ best response hands down

[Magnetism]

Is it considered too picky or bad to not feel attracted to older men? I've tried to be open to the idea, but it's like forcing my body to be turned on by something that it's not. When I look at him, I see someone that could look like my dad.

Some of my male friends around my age also feel like they couldn't be with an 18-21 year old girl, no matter how hot she was. It makes them feel creepy and they feel like they have nothing in common with someone so young. That's how I feel when it comes to dating men 10+ years or more older than me.

Granted, there are exceptions. There may be a 40 year old man that I fall in love with, but it's not this friend.

[BabyGirl]

No Mag, it's not being "Too Picky " to have standards of what you deem to be within the range of a Life Partner for you.
The key word here is " Range ", as long as you don't have your expectations or preferences set to the very Limited, almost never going to happen for you , Picky , like Brad Pitt , he's mine , Next .. lol

Remember ..
Your Soul Mate will be a relationship with you where you both are happy and attracted and compatible. That goes for your male friends that don't want to date the young gals, sure they are Pretty and Energetic, but.. They realize that it may be Fun for a short time, though not likely compatible for the long range relationship.

With this guy, that Adores you and hope to have a relationship with you . I'm sure you care for him, but not in a Romantic way, and unless he gets out of line and pushes you into telling him Exactly why you are not Interested HIM in a Dating or Romantic way, just Sweetly, Gently and firmly, place HIM in your " Family ".

There is no reason to have to say things like you are too old, I'm not Interested in men over 6 years older than me or I want a relationship with someone equal to me, Educated or Financially, Shorter, Fatter, Skin and Bone, Color, Religion.

You must of course,have a format that attracts you .

So with HIM or Others ..

Simply, changing the Dynamics of His Place in Your Life is usually Sufficient. Start treating him like Brother or Uncle, a Pal or Friend, Talk about your Dates or a Crush if you have one, if not you can make up an " Interest " or even ask him, " Hey, there's this guy I'm really liking, when you were my age, how did you go about letting them know you liked someone ?"

Or things like

1)I sooo respect your experience... Gosh when you were 13, I was just an infant, you could have been my Big brother having to change my Diapers "
And of course you will always protect me from Pervs and Bad Boyfriends like you do now .

2)I got this guy that is 10 years younger than me, he's a such a flirt, like you are. Where do you guys learn this .

I think you may solve this
But then again.. Think up to 20 years Future and include your 20 years past .

You will have someone Flirt or Want to be with you

[Euphoric]

You are too funny, Magnetism, love your wit and sense of humor!!

As to the question you posed about being too picky, absolutely not. We have to know ourselves and what we seek in a partner. There are many factors to consider: chemistry, ambition, character, personality, etc. We know the list goes on. If you aren't attracted to a person, for whatever reason, it would be an injustice to your friend and yourself to spin your wheels, knowing that you have no desire to develop a relationship with him.

I applaud you for having a sense of what you are looking for. Too many people are willing to sacrifice or settle and later find themselves unhappy and often in the middle of a divorce (if it resulted in marriage). I, too, have a friend that wanted the relationship to be more than a friendship (years ago). Suffice it to say that we are best friends, and have been for 18 years. We are both married and have remained friends and talk about anything and everything. Sometimes we bounce our thoughts and opinions off one another, and at times, we seeks the others opinion to get the "other sides" perspective (male vs female POV). Our friendship has done nothing but strengthen over time and distance. While he was deployed, we remained in contact, and now that he is stateside, though half way across the country, I can tell from his voice when something is wrong- even when he attempts to mask it. We respect each other, love each other, and support each other. And no, we have NEVER been romantically involved. I understand exactly what you are saying and experiencing. You care about this person, but not in THAT way.

Sometimes some of the best friendships are formed in spite of our differences with another person.

And for the record, I agree with everyone else as far as "no need to go into details about WHY you aren't interested in a relationship with him. Pointing out his short comings would probably cut him to the core, especially since he wants more than a friendship. And in reality, I'm sure he is well aware of his lifestyle.

Keep your chin up and stay true to yourself. And please, keep that sense of humor

E

[Sunlight72]

Your lack of attraction to him is not the issue. You wrote that he said he "respects" your wish to just be friends.

Don't tell him why you're not attracted, just remind him that he said he respects your wish to be friends only, and flirting is crossing the line.

Mention that you lose respect for him when he flirts with you - that seems to me to be a good way to get him to monitor himself. You shouldn't need to be monitoring his comments, it makes for a cruddy friendship relationship.

If you get in a discussion on his appeal to you, he'll see it as a foot in the door and will work on ways to convince you he is appealing (I think this is what he's doing with the flirting - trying to wiggle his foot further into the door of your heart and see if he can get you to open up to the idea of him as a romance or sex mate).

Remember that flirting is a main way of testing someone's receptiveness to intimacy. Don't kid yourself about it.

Peace,
Sunlight