[Jenas]

CHANDLERS WISH thank you so much , but I don't think I'm important right now,all what I want that his wife,his daughters and him find peace again. I didn't realize my message would change their life so much, he said all his familly suffer now.

I think I agree with you that this with me taught him too.He told me how this was mistake and he should never discuss with me, it seems he will never cheat again, because he said he want to rebuild life again. It seems I was some psycho mistress,I never was with married man before, now I'm ashamed of my temperament. I can't be calm when men lie to me. I always want revenge and now I learned that was not good idea, and maybe I'm not the girl who can be normal with men. So, better if I stay single and not be with men never again

[Harmony]

I admire the OP's honesty. I think many people would have left a lot of the information she shared on the cutting room floor.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Me too

Jenas, lols.. You can't be single all your life, you are young... Temper.. Well, probably your background eh .........

I think everyone will agree with you we all hate liers.

But I also think you need to ask yourself if you are angry at yourself, for accepting the use of your body for money.... I am gaging that is something that has made you mad and that is why you were SO mad with him.

See how "we" do things and blame others?

[jns]

Jenas, you should not make your life a shrine to this failure. Find a man who really loves you and be happy with him. I agree with Harmony about your honesty.

In Chinese and Southeast Asian cultures, buying a house for each additional wife is a requirement for those men having multiple wives. So I understand about that and he should have worked on following through on it. Jewelry and shoes are generally trinkets unless he was to buy something in at least 4 figures.

Him not sending money at times other than when meeting you indicates that he was thinking of you only as bought company, not as a partner. I can understand why you got mad at him. If he was going to buy you a house or have you build a house, he would have to send you money.

Many guys in such a situation say that they will leave their wives. Most don't follow through on it. Maybe those who say that they won't leave their wives are more honest.

[Jenas]

Jewelry and shoes are generally trinkets unless he was to buy something in at least 4 figures.

Him not sending money at times other than when meeting you indicates that he was thinking of you only as bought company, not as a partner. I can understand why you got mad at him. If he was going to buy you a house or have you build a house, he would have to send you money.

Yes, I asked him :"are you joking me ,how jewelry and shoes could change someone's life" ? He didn't replied. He even sent paperwork related to the sale of houses in my state, and talked how cheap is,and he want to buy it. He said "my love, you will translate to me next time when we meet", but he never mentioned it in face to face. I think he talked about rich life,happines,his emotins in order to keep me interested in him,and use as bought company as you said. Nothing more. And I was naive and believed everything he says, it was like fairtyle.
He is milionare, buying house for him is nothing, but actually he never was serious about that. I'm not mad because of that, but he shouldn't promisse if he didn't mean it. If I wanted money I could be nice to him and we would still be in contact, he has a plan to come in my state for 2 weeks,and he would give me alot of money, but I didn't accept because I felt he help me only because of his needs, not because he is interested.
Maybe it's better it's all over thank's to me, because I would be always unhappy with him.He would have familly,beautiful house,rich life,he would give all good things to his familly, and I would get only his crumbs ,and I can't stand that. It's humiliating. He sent me photos of his house,office,cars... He even showed me photos of his wife, my God, how beautiful woman, I couldn't believe why he would cheat on her,and yes,I felt quilty, but believed in his stroy "We don't speak,I don't love her.."etc..


CHANDLERS WISH : Yes, I blame now only myself, noone else,not even him, now I feel sorry how much I hurt him and his familly, because no matter about his lies, I feel he is a good person, he cheated because he felt unhappy or who knows what.
He payed hotel,food,ticket for me,he bought me camera,gave me alot of money and how did I reacted ? Like psycho. I could simple left without hurting him and his loved ones. His wife devoted all her life to her kids, believed her husband, take care of home,building together life with eachother and then one stupid girl ruined everything and accepted to sleep with her husband,and even sent messages to her daughters. Her daughter did not even attacked me, she just replied nicely: "Thank you for being honest,if you have more informations please sent me" and of course I was shocked and cried. Big,big mistake.

"But I also think you need to ask yourself if you are angry at yourself, for accepting the use of your body for money.."
- I think because of this I will sufer for long time, yes, I feel disgusting and cheap because of that. I accepted because I though it's ok,since I like him very much and I needed. How can I ever be again clean after that ? I don't know.. Hope I will forget sometimes in the future...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You liked him very much and needed, it was like a fairytale.....

There is no reason to feel dirty, this is why I asked you the question so I could give you your answer on that note....

[Jenas]

Just to add new important informations:
Today his wife sent me again message on mail ,she asked me did I have sex with him,what kind of relationship I had with him,she said she is sorry for all the questions but she don't know how much he lie to her etc..

I did not admit to her nothing, I explained I lied to her daughters how I was with him, I sent very long message and I apologized. She didn't replied, I hope she believed to me. Did I do good thing by not telling her ? I could not tell, because she would suffer more and it would be much worst situation.

I didn't mean to him nothing anyway, he said he want to forget, so I didn't want to do more damage. She would be broken if I told her the truth, and maybe their familly would collapse.

[Trisha23]

Don't waste your time on people that are not worth it. You better move on with your life and enjoy.

[BabyGirl]

[I]

I Personally would Stand up and Be Proud

Not that you had an Affair.
But that you are Questioning ..
Your own Values.
It is..

Time to Respect Yourself and Not Give in to things you would not be Proud of.
For yourself,your Children or your Partners.





/I]

[Imnotyourstoy]

You're the OTHER WOMAN~

Hello everyone,I found this forum and I like it,because I saw some threads about mistress and people have giving good advice without too much hating. I'm sorry for grammar mistakes,because I'm from foreinger state,so I hope you will be able to understand my post.

I meet this married man via facebook, he invited me to visit him in his state, but I saw he is married and have a kids, and then he told me he is an adult and his wife don't interfere in his bussines,they do not talk with eachother,he don't love her and other disgusting lies.
That was my first experience with married man. I'm 27, he is 43. He told me he is rich, has his own company, how he gonna make my life easier, he compliments me daily.I feel very specail. He bought tickets for us, so I meet him. We stay 3 days together in his state, we saw eachother 2 other times ,each time he would pay me ticket and help me financially with money. I know I'm disgusting, but it all was like fairtyle, he promissed me so much and I really believed him.
First I said to myself: "Ok,I will be with him because of money,because I live poor,and plus he is good in bad,if he lie I have nothing to lost" ,and I told myself I will not fell in love with him. But I did!!!
I started after first sex to have some feelings toward him,I asked him many times "Don't lie to me,if you are not serous with me,tell me the truth ,and we must stop" but he always begged me to keep in contact with him,and how I'm very "important" to him. We talked for about 6 months, in 6 months we saw eachother only 3 times but for 3 or 4 days eactime.
In 6 months we speak almost everyday,so I started to like him alot. He called his wife monster,how she is temperament,cry whole the time,she want marriage consueling but he didn't wanted to go because he don't love her anymore.He said "I think it's soon over with us" and "I'm with her only because of my kids" etc. Then I was disapointed because I realised it is all lie, he didn't have intention to make my life easier, he just gave me some money as I'm ********** to have sex with him,he said "I would never give you money if I don't love you" ... Deep inside me I know all that what he told me was one big fat lie,and I feelt very unhappy.
I expected that he do all what he promissed, I said many bad words to him,humiliate him, he still wanted to keep in contact, but I didn't feel happy,I didnt believe him,so I sent messages to his daughters via facebook about us to see if he will get mad at me. In my mind if he really wanted me he would forigve me that because I saw many married men would forigve their mistress after they call the wife,they would come back to mistress again. So it was test.
I sent them very long messages,with all proofs,photos of his emails to me, his plane tickets he buy for me etc. One daughter respond me with this: "Thank you ,if you have more informations please sent me" but I was in panic and shocked!!!! I feelt like coward, I contacted him,and he said "Please said it was all lie you told to her, how you just wanted my money,blackmail me etc,you never was with me " and I did. But his daughter sent my message to his wife, and then trouble started. He sent me message from his office: "Thank you for destroying my life,now I will lost my familly".
Next morning his wife sent me message on facebook how she want informations about her husband, I also told her I just lied because he told me to say that ,and how I wanted only his money. She said she don't believe me,she will turn to policedepartment to investigate all story, he then said to me ,say to her: "You can call police but this is not criminal,it was just joke" and I did. After that she didn't responded,it was before 18 days. I felt terrible at that moment, I took medication to calm down. Anyway, next morning he said she don't believe to him, but he hope everything will be fine and how I should stop sent him message,and how he will call me when the time is right.
I didn't texted him 8 days, I was angry he wanted to stop contact like that. Because it prove I didnt mean nothing to him, so I sent him message "You didnt even wish me happy birthday,you could at least addmit I was nothing to you etc". He replied: "Happy Birthday.I'm broken,my psucho is down,and I can't make anything. I can't writte more because my familly can check my email and mobile".
After few days I sent him again angry message about how he used me etc... He said again: "Please leave me alone,I'm broken,I don't want to lost my children,I can't trust anymore to anybody.All what I say can go to other people.Please be kind and leave me alone." but I get even more angry... I feel angry because after six month of his most beautiful words to me, beautiful memories with him,he couldn't just say "I miss you, but we can't be together" and I would not bother him never again, but he was rude to me. Yes, I feel desperate because he didn't wanted to remember out times spent together,and the fact he could leave me so easy ,and yet he told me many times "I don't want to lost you never".
So,what happened ?After he ignored my other messages and put offline his mobile because of me, I sent today again message to his wife that if she want informations I will tell,but only if she want. Now I'm weiting for her replay, but I'm still not sure should I addmit to her or not. I don't want to hurt her more,I already said to her I lied,and how I was not with him. I want to hurt him,so I don't see other way, my hate toward him is so big that I can't help it
I would leave him in peace only if he was more nice to me and say at least how he is sorry that we can't be together, but no,he said "It was my mistake I start to discuss with strange girl" so he saw me as his mistake, and I feelt terrible... I want now to admmit to his wife, and move on,I want to hurt him like he hurted me,and then I will forget him.
The reason why I want to admit to his wife is also this: After I sent messages to his daughters he said I need to tell them how I lied, so I did it, and then he told me this "Thank you,now I'm sure again that you are nice and good girl I hope someday you will be my friend"...but after his daughters sent my message to his wife, he totally changed his mind and now he don't want to speak anymore and tell me to leave him alone. So much about his "feelings" for me... and he called me "his princess" I can't believe how stupid and naive I was.
Please give me an honest advice on what I should do, it kills me inside that he finished with me in this way.

Janas,
I can related to your situation and similarity of the events that you had experienced. This just happened to me and it was only 11 days ago that I break up with a married man that I had an ongoing relationship for almost 2 years. Because, of his charms, helpful, sweet, loving personality I fallen in love with him. I know it was not the right thing to do to cling on to him as I tried to break off many times but he insisted that I need his assistant financially.

Let me tell you something that I've learned after the fact that his wife did not know I existed until she found out then it all changed!

He told me, There is nothing going to make him stop from loving me, seeing me, taking care of me. He will not abandon me. He loves and having a relationship with two women and both of us are equally treated well.

But soon after she found out he had to confronted her and admitted that he had been having an affair and he cared for me. Then he told me that he need to step back and taking care things at home. To keep his wife calm and let this situation to plan out. But then all the loving was banished as well. We used to talks, texts and emails each other everyday for almost 2 years and all the certain it all STOP completely in 11 days past by. That's hurts!! I had no idea this would hurt this much. I'm sad and crying but you know what. It had been 11 days that he showing his TRUE color! All of those false promises are not real. It's all lies to keep me in his back pocket.
I read a lot in the past few days on internet about how to cope with the break up!, How to deal with the anxiety, anger and feels as I was used. There are mix feelings of all these. BUT i read both side as for me and as for his wife. I could see both side of us women of how unfaithful man, a liar, selfish willing to do and hurting so many people for his own pleasure.

I would say this.. No matter how you justify it. You're attacking his family unit. His wife and his kids are all affected and they're in pain. As well as you are in pain. You need to realize that you're not belong there and you're not welcome, you're a threat to them regardless of what he tells you.
Think of this entire experiences as the lesson you learned. Don't see married man, don't sleep with them. Once, the adultery become official. The dynamic of relationship drastically changes with self esteem issues. Ask yourself why you're settling for less than what you deserves?

Most married men doesn't leaves their wives!! If they did. It doesn't guarantee the success of your relationship. If he does it to her, he will do it to you.

A relationship will never be flourishing if built from the ground up on sneaking around, mistrust and false hope. You weren't happy when you've been pushed to the sideline. He always goes home to his wife. No matter how many days he spent with you at a time. He will always goes home! Clearly now he needs you for "sex" He is obsessive sexual parasites. A guy who litterally have to have different women in the mix. Don't be thinking to keep his loyalty. A man who is loyal to a woman is a man whose code love and entirely being committed to her.

So, now it is time to walk away! Tell yourself time heals all wounds, forget it, let it go!
He is not yours at the beginning it's just a wasted of time.
Pick yourself up and stay busy, think positive, find something to do. Give yourself some "me" time.

Be a strong woman is akin to being an assertive woman with confident and assurance. An authentic and genuine woman. Realize of who you're and what you want in life. It takes a lot of self control to get over a break up! Inner strength and resilience but it's within your reach.
Face the reality -Break up is final!
Do not hold on to false hope that you will get back with him.
This will only prevent yourself from being able to move past things and embrace the future.
Have hope for tomorrow and let go of bitterness!
Cut of all contact, delete phone number, email address, etc.


You need to understand why that this relationship didn't work out and why is it end.
Reasons; Lies, deceit, manipulative, time waster, rudeness, cold, heartless, etc.

Do not write anymore emails! He doesn't think the way you do so, the more you said it he will run!

You just walk away! Let it go!