[stressed]

What bothers me is that it's been over a year and he still has your phone number stored, which means:

- He's talked about you to his new girl (so she'd know who to text)
- He might find these texts on her phone if he checks it.
- He might be the one who sent them (extreme, but possible)
- She either went through his phone to get your number or looked you up online (if it's possible to find a person's cell phone number over the internet where you live). If she went through his phone, then this can happen again in 2, 5 or 10 years by another new girl.

It'd be a good idea to change phone number. You don't need to be reminded of him after what you've been through.

[rubyrage21]

Maybe he was with you a shorter time than with her. Also, since he knew you from before, he may have made a greater effort to hold back. It is also possible that this is a thing that has been building for a while. Possibly when he first got out, he was trying to see how he would respond to female companionship again. Also, the Coolidge Effect may have played a part, where the time spent with you was a new physical relationship. When the relationship with her lasted long enough, he may have started having erectile dysfunction type problems that he found he didn't have with rape and violence as foreplay. It would be hard to say even for a psychological expert without interviewing and testing of him.

I think you may have hit it on the nose. He could never keep an erection with me, ever! I thought it was me and then started to question if he was ever attracted to e. Nothing i did got him aroused. I think this made him angry and thats when he started to withdraw from sex all together.

I also think your assumption is correct about him holding back because he knew me and i was also very close to his family so there may have been a fear that i would expose him. He doesn't even claim this girl.

i think he did realize that he couldn't respond to female companionship and because he couldn't he had to make it look like it was me and treat me as though i was the problem to make himself feel better.

This is all very scary and disturbing and I thank God that I am out of it!

[jns]

Maybe he was with you a shorter time than with her. Also, since he knew you from before, he may have made a greater effort to hold back. It is also possible that this is a thing that has been building for a while. Possibly when he first got out, he was trying to see how he would respond to female companionship again. Also, the Coolidge Effect may have played a part, where the time spent with you was a new physical relationship. When the relationship with her lasted long enough, he may have started having erectile dysfunction type problems that he found he didn't have with rape and violence as foreplay. It would be hard to say even for a psychological expert without interviewing and testing of him.

[rubyrage21]

also, didnt know that a person being raped can lead them to act out that same behavior on another which makes me wonder why he never unleashed these urges onto me, and why it is coming out now.

[rubyrage21]

I just want to say how happy I am to read that our members helped you move on and out of that situation....

How do you think she got your phone number?

I agree, she desperately is searching for answers and that 10 years in prison in USA probably led him to being raped.. Perhaps it's all he now knows.

But, I would say if she texts messages you again? Let her know that you wish to now leave that part of your life in the past.. Hopefully, she will understand and not contact you again.. You need to continue to grow and move on, not be reminded.

It is uncertain how she got my number. When i asked her that, he response was "out of a phone" i'm assuming it is his phone.
I guess he was raped and i did question his lack of interest in me sexually but never did i imagine hat it was to the extent that she described. He has never put his hands on me, it seems like his true self has unleashed on to her.

she has all the answers she sought and upon discovering that her baby father is treating her far worse than he has ever treated me is probably eating her up inside. What she will do with that information i don't know.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I just want to say how happy I am to read that our members helped you move on and out of that situation....

How do you think she got your phone number?

I agree, she desperately is searching for answers and that 10 years in prison in USA probably led him to being raped.. Perhaps it's all he now knows.

But, I would say if she texts messages you again? Let her know that you wish to now leave that part of your life in the past.. Hopefully, she will understand and not contact you again.. You need to continue to grow and move on, not be reminded.

[rubyrage21]

Thank you for all the replies. I guess it was so shocking to hear because he was never physically or sexually violent with me, Nor did he ever ask me for any weird sexual favors that she expresses. He was emotionally abusive at times. I guess it got worse since then.

*little I had the HPV shots when i was young and i did ask to be tested for it after my relationship with him, and i do not have it. Thank God for that.

[rcoreyus]

Prison in the US is very brutal - its easy to imagine that people are left with long term psychological scars. He may have been raped himself many times.

[jns]

It sounds like his time in prison has cross-wired his brain so violence and rape is part of sexual foreplay. Studies on animals have shown that those areas in the brain are nearby. I hope his new girl realizes where everything is leading and gets out.

[Little]

I think she is a woman looking desperately for answers. She thinks you have them. Really, it's only your ex that has the answers to why he is the way he is ... and until he can understand himself, maybe he should avoid romantic connections with others. If she wants to continue a relationship with such a confused individual, that's up to her, but if it's upsetting to you to talk about him and his new relationship, you should ask her not to contact you.

It would probably be worth your time to call up your gyno's office and ask them to review your file and tell you if they tested for HPV. According to my doctor, something like 90% of people have it (though this could have been a local statistic,) and I was not informed when I tested positive for it on my pap. It is something your body can take care of on its own.