[CHANDLERS WISH]

Obelisk

Am I supposed to sleep with multiple women until I find the "right" one that accepts me for who I am?

The day YOU accept yourself for who you are, is the day a woman will accept you for who you are.

If the two you slept with haven't accepted you, then ask yourself why. There is a whole lot more to a relationship, to chemistry, lust, love than the act of sex.

[jns]

Am I supposed to sleep with multiple women until I find the "right" one that accepts me for who I am? lol

That is so depressing.

You don't have to sleep with a lot of women, but sleeping with them or not, the mission is finding someone who accepts you for who and what you are. It's the same way for everyone. Many times there are worse flaws than physical imperfections, specifically flaws of character.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

To add, it's more than possible that you are also choosing the wrong women for you, from the inset.

[Obelisk]

The day YOU accept yourself for who you are, is the day a woman will accept you for who you are.

I like what I've become, but I've sacrificed so much to get there. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it.

Chandler's Wish, I tend to be obsessive about stuff. I'm a perfectionist of sorts. I think the reason for that is because I'm sore of the genetics I inherited from my parents.

Surprisingly I'm not ugly, but I was overweight for all my teen years and a couple of my early 20's. I am also short (5'6) and I started to lose my hair early 20's as well.

I spent a few years at the gym. Yes I became one of those obsessed gym rats. I still am but I've toned it down. I also started taking medication for the hair loss.

Anyway, the ridiculous thing is I had a chance to be with 2 women I liked a lot that I knew 100% were virgins. Both really liked me a lot. Both wanted kids. I knew I didn't want kids since I was 5 years old, I made it non negotiable in my mind. I tried throughout my 20's to find one that thought like me. I never did (Most girls in their 20's want kids, and even a lot in their 30's want kids)

Anyway, I'm just sore in general that I even have to have a sex drive. Like 99% of my problems would be solved if I could shut it off. I tried to save myself and not have sex with any of the girls I dated. I usually didn't get that far because I would bring the kids issue pretty quick in our conversations. I just wanted to screen out the ones that wanted kids. I did this because I didn't want to lead girls on (most guys do, they say anything to get sex. I hate that most have no self control)

I ended up caving in twice, which is how I met the girls I did have sex with (2 so far). Broke up with the first girl for other reasons (I would say mostly her fault). I caved in again and that's how I'm in a relationship now with the girl I'm with. She likes me A LOT. But I had to tell her about the no kids rule. I thought she was going to dump me, but she hasn't. I don't think she knows what to do. I'd be perfectly happy to stay with her if she decides to stay with me.

If she doesn't, then I either keep on looking, or forget the whole thing. Except now I'm competing against every single guy that has slept with the future girls I meet. THIS is why my size matters to me now more than in my 20's. If I had just said "screw it, I'll have a couple of kids" I'd probably be married to the first girl I dated, we'd have 2-3 kids, a mortgage, a ton of debt, and constant worry about how we will feed our children.

Because I didn't take that path I have none of those worries, but simply loneliness

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This is still a "choice". The no kid rule.

When we make choices there are often sacrifices that go with it, in your case, whom you date or who would date you.

Your choice left you out in the cold for many years, as off course, most women want children but not all. I've already suggested you aim at someone who is career orientated, they tend to "not" want children either, though would gladly give donations to help children all over the world, and will gladly buy their niece and/or nephews anything they want. It's not that they don't like children, it's just children are not for them.

Financially, the World has changed this dramatically. Kids would play with cricket bats and balls, not a care in the world, help around the gardens, ride their bikes, and those costs were not high.. Now, it's all this technology that is thrown at them, must have, and the clothes to ensure they don't get bullied - keeping up with Mr Jones. I get that.

But, you made a choice... If you are obsessive over things then you more than likely are obsessive over feeling negative about alot of things in life. The poor me, makes a person worse.

You are 5ft6, fit, so what most men start to go bald, average penis, and have a lady who has feelings for you.

I've stated, feelings, emotions, over rule size.. It just does if you bond together properly.

Life is not about what happens in the future, it's what is in the now.. Go with it, enjoy it, quite obsessing about everything or you will lose her in any event, because you will lose the spark, laughter.

What will be will be. Who is to say that you won't sponser a child, visit that child, whilst travelling through your lives... Who is to say that you won't both join an organisation of adopted children, or foster and help kids. Who is to say that, that, would not satisfy both of you immensely knowing you helped, gave love, after all that is also something you crave for, imagine if you were actually able to give, what you feel you weren't provided or given, to some little munchkin that you didn't have to be there for 24/7, but were able to be there..........

[Obelisk]

Chandler's Wish. I stand by that choice. I got the vasectomy because I don't expect to ever find a woman who I'd be satisfied with. Most of the women who don't want children have different sets of baggage that they bring to the table. I'm not sure I want to deal with it. I have a 90% full head of hair because I've been on medication for the past 10 years. The moment I stop I will start losing my hair. I probably will do it until I am 40.

The reality is that women at my age have tons of baggage that younger women don't. Younger women have a different type of baggage. I've dated mostly younger. Whenever I've engaged older women, they seem to be more desperate to start forming a family which is the last thing I want. Younger women want no commitment, they just want to try all sizes of penises before they "settle" down. 10 years ago it wasn't this bad. Not really sure what happened. I suspect all this internet, facebook and social media has something to do with it though.