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Am I being pathetic? I think I know what you will all say

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  • Am I being pathetic? I think I know what you will all say

    Good evening.
    Ok I have come on here as I thought this may be last resort and any responses I would fully appreciate.

    Here it goes I will try and be brief.

    Last year in feb I was working and I felt a gut instinct something wasnt right with my fiance.
    He told me that he was meeting up with some mates who he works with. I thought ok..
    Throughout the day I called and messaged him.. No answer.
    I went home and called again no answer.
    I went onto his i pad as we shared it and his emails were up... (you know whats next)
    I saw a picture of him and this woman who my mum knows (shes a bit of a bike) and this pic was sent to one of his mates..
    To which his mate replied back with "get her shagged".
    I call him up and take a pic of the email and he comes running back...
    I left it for the night..
    Next day I was upset and asked a few q. I then walk my dog and without me knowing my mum goes and speaks to him.,
    Once I came back I asked more q and he packed his bags and he left.

    OK.. SO thats that..
    BUT!!!! in april he wanted me back (now I know he was messing around with a girl) he lied about it..I said make or break tell me the truth..
    so i just went I know your lying leave it now you dont want to sort it out bla bla.. but yet i kept in contact..

    IN MAY!! I find out he got this girl pregnant.. he wanted to know how I found out.. I never told him.
    he was nasty to her didnt want to know and by end of may /june he had another girlfriend.. to which he cheated on her with me and the preg girl!!!
    I kept saying to him i will be by his side ... I got to know the preg girl and she seemed quite nice..

    all he kept saying is stop talking to her.. you dont know her. she was not sure why he kept saying it..

    end of jul -aug he is no longer with his gf.. and I thought ok benefit of the doubt he doesnt know what hes doing and we will sort it out He kept saying his head wasnt in the right place? ..

    So I kept in contact. Every time I was meeting up with him we would have a good time but then he would make an excuse to not sort something or blame something..
    eg my mum or me talking to the preg girl...

    So she finally has the baby in dec now I no longer talk to her after she has said theres too much drama between us all and she wants to protect the baby.
    He has told me he does not think the baby is his.. but she is adament he is the father.. and if the baby is his then he had sex with her a couple of days after when we broke up..not the end of march which is what he is saying?!
    He blocked me when she had the baby as he said it was too much to take for both of us. and kept saying its my mums and my fault..

    after xmas I hear from him and I have started again talking to him...
    we kicked off at each other again this morning because he blamed my mum and i ask about the pregnant girl.. He doesnt want me to know about his life with the baby or the girl who he got pregnant.
    He said he doesnt want me to know because I will speak to her.. (which I havent)
    Last week she went mental at him because of me and him talking. (he told her we cut contact) - She told me she didnt care what me and him did as that's our business.

    He still blames me and says I never loved him otherwise I would of moved up to where he is from. but threatening to leave me all the time if I didn't have a baby just isn't right.

    Theres a lot more before we broke up but I need some help for me to finally see that i didnt screw it up and that he didnt love me..

    Im sorry this is long but I need some help.. Am I being an idiot for trying to work it all out with him...

  • Oh and when I caught him out with the woman he said he bumped into her.. OH and the mate who he said he was with I saw a week after.. and i asked him and he said myu fiance used him as a alibi...he finally admitted after 8 months that he did arrange to meet up with her but he didnt want to tell me because he knew I would reacted.. (which I wouldn't of I trusted him)
    Plus if i never found out about the baby I wouldnt of ever known.. He told me its all lies he has a girl preg too..
    but again I found out.

    Comment


    • and he would of only told me he had a baby if the baby is his.. and hes having a DNA test

      Comment


      • He is not likely to change if you get married. You have to decide if you are willing to keep putting up with this sort of behavior. This is a question that only you can answer, but for most women it would not be acceptable.

        Does he have some sort of redeeming qualities that balance this out?

        Comment


        • He sounds like he is a very immature individual and are you certain this is the type of person you want to be with? If you say yes, I have to ask why you want to be with someone that lies, cheats, and lies some more? Also, consider this, if you do get married you'll be a step-Mother to his child. Are you ready for being Step-Mom? The child will always be in his life and you have to prepare yourself for that. Because the child will be in his life, the child's mother will also be there in the background, and you can't run and hide and neither can he.

          As the child's father he will also have a financial obligation for at least 18 years. Are you prepared to keep on working and help support this child?
          And now you say he has another pregnant with a baby on the way. Double trouble in my eyes. What happens if you get pregnant too?

          Think about these things, then if I were you, I'd walk away.
          That which we forget may as well never really happened.

          Comment


          • Not to put too fine a point on it - this guy is a loser, and a low level manipulator to boot. Blaming you for everything? Reacts to you learning of the pregnaacy by wondering how you found out? Cheats on you a second time, while his first cheat is pregnant?

            Run the other way hon and let him ruin someone's else's life.
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

            Comment


            • To answer your original question: you are not pathetic, but he is.
              (I'm feeling less polite than in my last post).

              Comment


              • Sorry I obviously havent made this clear.. So I found out about the other woman who he met for a drink feb last year.. we then broke up
                He then went home and messed around with another girl.. (who he got pregnant) after he had his fun with her and found out he was going to be a dad he then dismissed this girl kinda.. and found another girl.. while playing the pregnant one the new girl and me...
                Now the newish gf is no longer around she left after a month..
                and now im stuck.. I cant seem to get a grip and see this is all wrong. im gutted becuase of the amounts of time he kept wanting a baby with me.. and now he has one with a one night stand,.... jfeiosgionngfosj

                Comment


                • I think you have to get past the feeling gutted pertaining to the baby and get your head around feeling cheated over and over again and you are worth more and stop being walked upon by this "boy" .
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                  Comment


                  • WOW I had a very similar experience with a man!! My advice: run away. NOW.
                    NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. He is either the biggest idiot douche ever or a certifiable sociopath.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by womanshealth View Post
                      Sorry I obviously havent made this clear.. So I found out about the other woman who he met for a drink feb last year.. we then broke up
                      He then went home and messed around with another girl.. (who he got pregnant) after he had his fun with her and found out he was going to be a dad he then dismissed this girl kinda.. and found another girl.. while playing the pregnant one the new girl and me...
                      Now the newish gf is no longer around she left after a month..
                      and now im stuck.. I cant seem to get a grip and see this is all wrong. im gutted becuase of the amounts of time he kept wanting a baby with me.. and now he has one with a one night stand,.... jfeiosgionngfosj
                      Does this sound like a reasonable, stable loyal, person? It sounds like a selfish child to me, he wants it all, on his terms, no responsibility, but he'll make you feel bad because of all the bad stuff that's happened to him. It's his fault, and you can either go along with his fantasy of himself or you can make a future of your own with someone that's stable and secure and would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Give yourself the chance, not him.
                      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

                      Comment


                      • Not to pick on you, but what is wrong with you that you are even considering staying in contact with a person who lies, cheats and abandons pregnant women and his child?

                        I ask the question sincerely. What do you believe about yourself that tells you this is the best man you can get?

                        Once your realize you are worth more than this, you can walk away and never look back.

                        Comment


                        • Around 2/3 weeks before the baby was due he bucked his ideas up.. Now he was there when she was in hospital.. The baby is now born and he is in contact with her. He has told me he's seen the baby a couple of times and she has stopped him seeing the baby. He won't tell me a thing about what's going on now.. He goes mad when I ask a q.. And in my head there's more than I know... I know they talk.. I can't stop that.. But I keep thinking that something is going on between both of them.. He keeps saying its all my fault an my mum for interfering.. She did one thing... He's the one who lied an walked out... Then lied even more... If this is his baby he had sex with this girl a few days after he walked out... But he's telling me he had sex with her the end of the month not the beginning????!!! I need help x I know you all mean well x

                          Comment


                          • What kind of help do you really want, hon? I think the consensus here has been unanimous - leave him.

                            I know it takes work and people can never just flip a switch when it comes to intense emotions, but your path is still pretty clear. You just have to decide to start on it. There's nothing left for you there with this guy.
                            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                            Comment


                            • Its just getting worse for me now..
                              He has now blocked me as he has said im causing him too much stress asking about if the pregnant girl is in contact with him all day.
                              He has said its not fair on him and im killing him by stressing him out..
                              I have told him that ive been affected massivley by not knowing whats going on.. in my head when hes not working and hes back in his hometown hes seeing her with the baby.. Hes still telling me the dates he had sex with her was easter last year but the due date does not add up.. the baby would of been due 3 weeks later!! and they have just got the baby registered,...

                              Its hard to accept and just forget him.. Theres a lot of anger in me and deceit and hurt.. I never knew someone who could hurt and lie to me so much..
                              He still has made me feel its my fault,.. and telling me im causing him too much unnecessary stress upsets me... im a very understanding person and I know NO other woman would of stood for what I have been through,.., but I just cant shake this off... It just hurts that he threatned all the time that he would leave me if i didnt have a baby..When I caught him out with another female staff memeber who he hardly knows he walked out... saying it was all my mums fault for accusing things (my mum knows this woman.) Then if the baby is his he had sex with another woman in his hometown a few days after he walked out..... JUST want to see it all... im just denying it...

                              Comment

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