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Where are the guys? Help me Ladies

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  • Where are the guys? Help me Ladies

    Hi Ladies,
    A guy here with a troublesome question. One that has bugged me for years. I found this site a week or two ago and find it cool. I checked out the men's-health site and it has hardly any posts on it. Is there not much to say for guys?. Here it is a big chatterbox. (I mean that in a good way.) Communication is most likely one of the key elements that makes humans more advanced than other life forms. Even in daily life, I don't see us males communicating enough and that efficiently. All the time I see on this site women fretting over this and that and I think it has to do with how men and women discuss what state that their lives and relationships are in. The big one: porn! What is going on? All these guys in relationships/married and looking at porn. The scary part is, a real lot of it. Porn can be cool but in reason. Maybe he should ask his girlfriend to check some out with him then go get it on. If there is something you want to do in the bedroom, talk to her about it. If they are not on the same page, it should be worked out. Just don't leave her completely out of the equation. If you are a couple, hiding things can hurt the other. Either way. Masturbation in a good relationship should be accepted to a point. A guy has a problem or question and he tells nobody or asks for help. Women have such strong ties to one another. You ladies have something that is so powerful. It makes me sad to see myself (some times) and other guys going through life holding so much inside. I am going through a bad time in my life and having a difficult time unlocking my inner self. The more I let out IMO will help me be a better man for the next woman in my life. My group of friends has been some help. I would like to talk more about my hopes and fears with the guys but I feel they would'nt have much to say. Very closely related to this topic I want to post a thread about "Kissing and telling". More communication stuff. If you can please help me on that one also. One thing I am never sure about this type of site is if I should post or not. If there was a spot/forum that was like: "Questions for the men out there, or questions from men" that would be nice. Otherwise I am a somewhat skittish that I may not be welcome here.
    Peace, Love and Happiness. Thanks gang for any help. Love ya always.
    Last edited by Drewstraws; 12-01-2007, 10:03 PM. Reason: add line

  • Welcome aboard! Please, feel free to ask questions. Everyone here is very kind and understand and there are so many different view points. It's so helpful.

    So, by all means, if there is something you need to get off your chest make a post.

    Comment


    • need help

      Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
      Hi Ladies,
      A guy here with a troublesome question. One that has bugged me for years. I found this site a week or two ago and find it cool. I checked out the men's-health site and it has hardly any posts on it. Is there not much to say for guys?. Here it is a big chatterbox. (I mean that in a good way.) Communication is most likely one of the key elements that makes humans more advanced than other life forms. Even in daily life, I don't see us males communicating enough and that efficiently. All the time I see on this site women fretting over this and that and I think it has to do with how men and women discuss what state that their lives and relationships are in. The big one: porn! What is going on? All these guys in relationships/married and looking at porn. The scary part is, a real lot of it. Porn can be cool but in reason. Maybe he should ask his girlfriend to check some out with him then go get it on. If there is something you want to do in the bedroom, talk to her about it. If they are not on the same page, it should be worked out. Just don't leave her completely out of the equation. If you are a couple, hiding things can hurt the other. Either way. Masturbation in a good relationship should be accepted to a point. A guy has a problem or question and he tells nobody or asks for help. Women have such strong ties to one another. You ladies have something that is so powerful. It makes me sad to see myself (some times) and other guys going through life holding so much inside. I am going through a bad time in my life and having a difficult time unlocking my inner self. The more I let out IMO will help me be a better man for the next woman in my life. My group of friends has been some help. I would like to talk more about my hopes and fears with the guys but I feel they would'nt have much to say. Very closely related to this topic I want to post a thread about "Kissing and telling". More communication stuff. If you can please help me on that one also. One thing I am never sure about this type of site is if I should post or not. If there was a spot/forum that was like: "Questions for the men out there, or questions from men" that would be nice. Otherwise I am a somewhat skittish that I may not be welcome here.
      Peace, Love and Happiness. Thanks gang for any help. Love ya always.
      You can also check out "menshealth.com" no dash. They talk more than the one you mentioned.

      Comment


      • reply

        Thanks for the reply. Found the site and will most likely use it. Still, any thoughts on my question? (from the point of view from these members)

        Comment


        • man on board

          Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
          Thanks for the reply. Found the site and will most likely use it. Still, any thoughts on my question? (from the point of view from these members)
          You sound like a really nice guy with a big heart. Wish there were more out there like you. Tradition has said that men aren't suppose to open up for fear of being called "weak" a "sissy" etc. I guess that's why men hold things in and women are confused and can't relate to them sometimes. We don't expect them to talk.. talk.. talk. But, a little more communication would be a big help. As for the sneaking and doing porn, I think that a lot of women don't like it so the guy just sneaks to keep conflict down. Some women see porn differently than men. It starts getting in the "competition" realm. If the woman is prettier than us we may not feel so good about it. It depends on the woman. Feel free to talk here. Plenty of men visit here and talk or spy. We don't mind.

          Comment


          • Thanks

            Commonsense,
            Thanks so much for the kind and helpful reply. Everyone knows guys are not perfect, but there are some of us who are trying to retain our masculinity, be open, caring and good communicators also. Just makes for better friends, partners and husbands. Hope all is well in your life.
            Hopefully chat again.

            Comment


            • Otherwise I am somewhat skittish that I may not be welcome here.
              Why would you feel "skittish" that you may not be welcomed here?

              Certainly you are welcomed here! Go on and post your question! Start a thread! Get a cup of coffee, kick off your shoes, sit down and chat with the gang for a while!

              That's what this is all about!

              Comment


              • skittish

                Thanks so much for the reply. As far as the skittish thing goes. This is a women's site. I feel like I am crashing a girls night out. Brought up on speak until spoken to, especially when I am on your turf. If a woman here asks; "Hey fellas this or that" I want to help but I am cautious about buzzing all over this site with questions and comments. I don't want to be obnoxious. At this time, male-bashing is popular. I have felt it in most areas of life. I fear the day someone here or in day-to-day life says: "Back off, have'nt you done enough damage already".
                The internet has all types of people using it. Users on this site IMO are 95% very nice, amazing, caring, I could go on.. women, some open guys, a few people who are not what they say they are, and a mix of others. Not everything we see on the internet is reality or always true. (People's porn problem/real relationship well documented here.) In my comments here I try to convey who I am so to let you know which side of the playground the response is coming from. I am a pretty regular early 40's single guy that has a lot of questions and worries that I am trying to find answers on. On this site I posted a thread about prostate cancer (I don't have it) and I still cannot believe I had the guts to do it that day. My heart just said; "Hey, what about us?." I have looked at a few sites that were more gender neutral but I did'nt like them. Too much junk and smalltalk. A topic about something serious and a few posts in and you get: "so newyork guy (user name) hows the weather in the big apple? I am still looking for other sites for mostly us men. Might find one to spend some time on. In my life now, there are many emotions just spilling out of me. The rest are killing me and I don't know why. This site is piece of a giant puzzle of my life. That is why I am here. I sound like a crazy philosopher right now. I am not too crazy. Just letting go of whats inside. Work, friends, family just ok and hanging in there. The users here really contribute to making this site what it is. This site has mostly a female presence and perspective. Sometimes I need to look at life from different angles. Nice to know that there are places like this that show how someone else sees a particular situation. It has enriched my life.
                Thank you so much. Love ya always.
                Last edited by Drewstraws; 12-08-2007, 06:04 PM. Reason: last line

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                  As far as the skittish thing goes. This is a women's site. I feel like I am crashing a girls night out. Brought up on speak until spoken to, especially when I am on your turf. If a woman here asks; "Hey fellas this or that" I want to help but I am cautious about buzzing all over this site with questions and comments. I don't want to be obnoxious. At this time, male-bashing is popular. I have felt it in most areas of life. I fear the day someone here or in day-to-day life says: "Back off, have'nt you done enough damage already".
                  I know, I felt the same way when I joined this forum, but they've been putting up with me for a while now.
                  I've tried to be careful about which threads I post to as well, but everybody has been really nice about the posts I've made.

                  Comment


                  • Thanks

                    Thanks still nobody,
                    I think I am too longwinded. I hope from here on out I post a brief question and see what response I get. I asked a social question and made public an insecurity with myself. Thanks for welcoming me but any thoughts on the communication issue?. Being a thread and not a single post/reply I thought would give the topic more exposure. Thanks.

                    Comment


                    • ramble on

                      Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                      any thoughts on the communication issue?
                      When I read your previous posts I wasn’t quite sure which communication issue you were talking about, although, lack of communication between men seemed to be the prominent one. You kinda’ rambled about a bunch of different stuff, so I was a little confused.
                      The ******** poor communication between men, though, is something that I’ve noticed over the years.
                      I remember something that happened a few years ago, sitting in a hospital waiting room, as I was waiting to have x-rays taken; I noticed that the men (strangers) who were talking to each other were talking about cars or sports or something – something superficial. It didn’t seem unusual, that’s how it’s always been for me and my friends.
                      The women (strangers) on the other hand, were talking about how worried they were about the x-rays their loved ones were currently getting done. The women were bonding – I thought – over something important. It was an intimate discussion, sharing their feelings with each other and wishing each other well. The men, though, I don’t think they were bonding – they were competing. The women were making a connection with each other, but the men seemed to be jockeying for position.
                      I think the competitive way the men were relating to each other then, and how I’ve seen us relate to each other over the years, is indicative of why we can’t seem to talk to each other about stuff like hopes and fears, or anything that might be considered an emotional issue. No man wants to look weak (like commonsense said) among his friends, co-workers, and women in general; I think that’s why we hold so much inside. For some reason, men are more worried about our status, our reputation, than we are about our health and well being.
                      I realize that it’s a generalization to say that men can’t communicate with each other and women can, but this has been my personal experience, and it’s one of the reasons I keep coming back here.

                      Comment


                      • Dazed and Confused

                        Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                        A guy has a problem or question and he tells nobody or asks for help. Women have such strong ties to one another. You ladies have something that is so powerful.
                        I’m not sure if it just comes down to gender, though, I think it’s a combination of up-bringing and gender which pretty much equals – personality. As my brother and I were being raised, we were both taught the old, “boys don’t cry” stuff, by our parents and our peers. Our peers taught us the hard way, of course. You learn pretty quickly that showing certain emotions is a sign of weakness. I guess some guys grow out it, but most do not.

                        I remember when I worked at Target, and I brought up something to the guys, some kind of anxiety that I had been dealing with, and as soon as I brought it up, their whole demeanor changed. I felt like I had the plague or something.

                        They tried to help a little bit, but it wasn’t something they wanted to spend a lot of time on, so they just gave me some quick-fix, one-liner, piece of advice from one guy, and then, another guy, and then we went on to talk about something else.

                        I brought up something similar, though, around the women who worked in the stockroom, and the reaction was completely different. They talked about it, really talked about it, and even seemed to enjoy it. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of like being on this forum.

                        There was one exception. The girl that liked me seemed pretty disappointed, it was written all over her, and I could hear it in her tone. I think it surprised her that I was talking about whatever it was that I brought up, and it turned her off instantly.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Still Nobody View Post
                          No man wants to look weak (like commonsense said) among his friends, co-workers, and women in general; I think that’s why we hold so much inside. For some reason, men are more worried about our status, our reputation, than we are about our health and well being.
                          I totally agree with your thoughts here as to why it seems men do not reallly talk about certain issues. But it is a very attractive trait to me to see a man that is sensitive and can talk about his feelings and thoughts.
                          There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                          Comment


                          • What Is And What Should Never Be

                            Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                            The big one: porn! What is going on?
                            I'm not the right guy to address this one. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, so when I read one thread after another about how some boyfriend or husband is choosing porn instead of the woman he's with, I just smack my head against the nearest wall.

                            I don't understand.

                            Comment


                            • Venting here. This does not help things.

                              Thanks for the posts, I feel like somebody is listening. Something came up though. Earlier I had posted about prostate cancer on this site. I talked to that friend today and he said he was directed from his family doctor to see a urologist. He did not let on to the details of things but I could tell he was embarassed and it was too personal. Something tough to talk about and he is married. Most likely effects their sex life and might be complicated. He checked availability at a half dozen or so clinics and out of them, all but one were rude and 3 even started laughing. All women. The last went ok and he got an appointment. Ladies! This does not help men open up, feel cared for or safe. Health**care** what a joke. We have a hard enough time telling each other our weaknesses. More and more I see why men are troubled and shut down. He feels pretty worthless now. He had the guts to ask for help and got laughed at. How sad the world we live in.
                              Ladies, I am bummed out but still love ya.

                              Comment

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