[Still Nobody]

ramble on

any thoughts on the communication issue?

When I read your previous posts I wasn’t quite sure which communication issue you were talking about, although, lack of communication between men seemed to be the prominent one. You kinda’ rambled about a bunch of different stuff, so I was a little confused.
The **** poor communication between men, though, is something that I’ve noticed over the years.
I remember something that happened a few years ago, sitting in a hospital waiting room, as I was waiting to have x-rays taken; I noticed that the men (strangers) who were talking to each other were talking about cars or sports or something – something superficial. It didn’t seem unusual, that’s how it’s always been for me and my friends.
The women (strangers) on the other hand, were talking about how worried they were about the x-rays their loved ones were currently getting done. The women were bonding – I thought – over something important. It was an intimate discussion, sharing their feelings with each other and wishing each other well. The men, though, I don’t think they were bonding – they were competing. The women were making a connection with each other, but the men seemed to be jockeying for position.
I think the competitive way the men were relating to each other then, and how I’ve seen us relate to each other over the years, is indicative of why we can’t seem to talk to each other about stuff like hopes and fears, or anything that might be considered an emotional issue. No man wants to look weak (like commonsense said) among his friends, co-workers, and women in general; I think that’s why we hold so much inside. For some reason, men are more worried about our status, our reputation, than we are about our health and well being.
I realize that it’s a generalization to say that men can’t communicate with each other and women can, but this has been my personal experience, and it’s one of the reasons I keep coming back here.

[Still Nobody]

Dazed and Confused

A guy has a problem or question and he tells nobody or asks for help. Women have such strong ties to one another. You ladies have something that is so powerful.

I’m not sure if it just comes down to gender, though, I think it’s a combination of up-bringing and gender which pretty much equals – personality. As my brother and I were being raised, we were both taught the old, “boys don’t cry” stuff, by our parents and our peers. Our peers taught us the hard way, of course. You learn pretty quickly that showing certain emotions is a sign of weakness. I guess some guys grow out it, but most do not.

I remember when I worked at Target, and I brought up something to the guys, some kind of anxiety that I had been dealing with, and as soon as I brought it up, their whole demeanor changed. I felt like I had the plague or something.

They tried to help a little bit, but it wasn’t something they wanted to spend a lot of time on, so they just gave me some quick-fix, one-liner, piece of advice from one guy, and then, another guy, and then we went on to talk about something else.

I brought up something similar, though, around the women who worked in the stockroom, and the reaction was completely different. They talked about it, really talked about it, and even seemed to enjoy it. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of like being on this forum.

There was one exception. The girl that liked me seemed pretty disappointed, it was written all over her, and I could hear it in her tone. I think it surprised her that I was talking about whatever it was that I brought up, and it turned her off instantly.

[Fallen1]

No man wants to look weak (like commonsense said) among his friends, co-workers, and women in general; I think that’s why we hold so much inside. For some reason, men are more worried about our status, our reputation, than we are about our health and well being.

I totally agree with your thoughts here as to why it seems men do not reallly talk about certain issues. But it is a very attractive trait to me to see a man that is sensitive and can talk about his feelings and thoughts.

[Still Nobody]

What Is And What Should Never Be

The big one: porn! What is going on?

I'm not the right guy to address this one. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, so when I read one thread after another about how some boyfriend or husband is choosing porn instead of the woman he's with, I just smack my head against the nearest wall.

I don't understand.

[Drewstraws]

Venting here. This does not help things.

Thanks for the posts, I feel like somebody is listening. Something came up though. Earlier I had posted about prostate cancer on this site. I talked to that friend today and he said he was directed from his family doctor to see a urologist. He did not let on to the details of things but I could tell he was embarassed and it was too personal. Something tough to talk about and he is married. Most likely effects their sex life and might be complicated. He checked availability at a half dozen or so clinics and out of them, all but one were rude and 3 even started laughing. All women. The last went ok and he got an appointment. Ladies! This does not help men open up, feel cared for or safe. Health*care* what a joke. We have a hard enough time telling each other our weaknesses. More and more I see why men are troubled and shut down. He feels pretty worthless now. He had the guts to ask for help and got laughed at. How sad the world we live in.
Ladies, I am bummed out but still love ya.

[Fallen1]

He checked availability at a half dozen or so clinics and out of them, all but one were rude and 3 even started laughing. All women.

You can't be serious? Bless his heart, that is horrible. In my opinion those places/employees need to be reported.

[Drewstraws]

Thanks Fallen1 and others

This is the real deal and was I knocked out by it. When you think of it maybe some of the women were not trained well but when you think of it, even the receptionists should show compassion when dealing with patients. Maybe for them it was just another SOB getting his stuff looked at. He also did say that he had been transfered to nurses. They should be good at helping the guys. There is one story I had heard a while back about a female urologist that played a joke on the patients just to see how scared they would react. She mentioned it to one of the wives when talking to her at a later time and told her she did it just for her kicks. The wife was not happy. Plus the guy was emotionally hurt. I think urologists see mostly/only male patients and this joke only pertained to a mans anatomy. If it was true, I am not sure. If it was, it was quite cruel. Tons of this whole situation relates to how we communicate and treat each other.
At this time I think a lot about life and love. (maybe too much) My guy friends are giving me limited support. Some came out of real bad relationships and are pretty harsh about women. Tons of "I f'em and then tell them to f"off. I recently came out of a broken relationship but I am holding out hope I can find the right woman. Yes the breakup hurt but we both tried and it did'nt work out. I soured just a little but am hoping that I can see all the good in women so I don't give up and hate the world. In this day and age guys IMO are cast in a very dark light. Yes there have been real jerks, a-holes and whatever to screw up much of this earth. Many men and most women have not come out of a mostly male dominated society on top. Things are changing for the better for women now. I notice now in some men and many many women, the attitude "I got mine (money, career, sex toy;human or not) you can f"off". Changes in the last 50 or 100 years or so have left many guys lost and cast aside. Maybe just a price some of us have to pay for the past. Not mad just sad. Thanks people.

[Fallen1]

Drewstraws ..... just by reading your posts you seem like such a sweet, sensitive, caring guy. Keep that hope of finding the right woman, she is out there.

I am guilty of the same thing as your friends - having an overall negative opinion about the opposite sex. My boyfriend jokingly tells me that I'm a man hater. Although it is wrong, I guess I hold a grudge so to speak because of a few jerks and I shouldn't "punish" the entire male population because of it.

[LadyLane]

What do you mean "they laughed at him"? LAUGHED at him? I find that hard to believe. My husband had testicular cancer and regardless of what kind of demoralizing test he was having done and where, not one person said boo to him, made light of the situation or procedure. Where does your friend live that people laugh at someone trying to make a medical appointment???? Receptionists or otherwise?

And if some little witch laughed at my husband, when I walked in, trust me she'd be lucky if she'd have either a) a job or b) teeth to smile with when I was finished.

I love men. I love the ones that broke my heart, the ones that got their hearts broken by me, all the men in my family, all the men in my life. I think this society is still very male-oriented, in the fact that men are conditioned to be result-and-success driven. My husband is the most amazing guy, but no matter what I say or point out, he defines himself pretty much by his profession and measures himself by how much he makes. And I really think that society still believes that is the measure of a man - but we're using the wrong ruler.

[Fallen1]

I think this society is still very male-oriented, in the fact that men are conditioned to be result-and-success driven. My husband is the most amazing guy, but no matter what I say or point out, he defines himself pretty much by his profession and measures himself by how much he makes. And I really think that society still believes that is the measure of a man - but we're using the wrong ruler.

I have always believed that men and women's success should not be measured by what they have but by their character.