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Where are the guys? Help me Ladies

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  • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
    He checked availability at a half dozen or so clinics and out of them, all but one were rude and 3 even started laughing. All women.
    You can't be serious? Bless his heart, that is horrible. In my opinion those places/employees need to be reported.
    There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

    Comment


    • Thanks Fallen1 and others

      This is the real deal and was I knocked out by it. When you think of it maybe some of the women were not trained well but when you think of it, even the receptionists should show compassion when dealing with patients. Maybe for them it was just another SOB getting his stuff looked at. He also did say that he had been transfered to nurses. They should be good at helping the guys. There is one story I had heard a while back about a female urologist that played a joke on the patients just to see how scared they would react. She mentioned it to one of the wives when talking to her at a later time and told her she did it just for her kicks. The wife was not happy. Plus the guy was emotionally hurt. I think urologists see mostly/only male patients and this joke only pertained to a mans anatomy. If it was true, I am not sure. If it was, it was quite cruel. Tons of this whole situation relates to how we communicate and treat each other.
      At this time I think a lot about life and love. (maybe too much) My guy friends are giving me limited support. Some came out of real bad relationships and are pretty harsh about women. Tons of "I f'em and then tell them to f"off. I recently came out of a broken relationship but I am holding out hope I can find the right woman. Yes the breakup hurt but we both tried and it did'nt work out. I soured just a little but am hoping that I can see all the good in women so I don't give up and hate the world. In this day and age guys IMO are cast in a very dark light. Yes there have been real jerks, a-holes and whatever to screw up much of this earth. Many men and most women have not come out of a mostly male dominated society on top. Things are changing for the better for women now. I notice now in some men and many many women, the attitude "I got mine (money, career, sex toy;human or not) you can f"off". Changes in the last 50 or 100 years or so have left many guys lost and cast aside. Maybe just a price some of us have to pay for the past. Not mad just sad. Thanks people.
      Last edited by Drewstraws; 12-10-2007, 08:52 PM. Reason: to to too

      Comment


      • Drewstraws ..... just by reading your posts you seem like such a sweet, sensitive, caring guy. Keep that hope of finding the right woman, she is out there.

        I am guilty of the same thing as your friends - having an overall negative opinion about the opposite sex. My boyfriend jokingly tells me that I'm a man hater. Although it is wrong, I guess I hold a grudge so to speak because of a few jerks and I shouldn't "punish" the entire male population because of it.
        There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

        Comment


        • What do you mean "they laughed at him"? LAUGHED at him? I find that hard to believe. My husband had testicular cancer and regardless of what kind of demoralizing test he was having done and where, not one person said boo to him, made light of the situation or procedure. Where does your friend live that people laugh at someone trying to make a medical appointment???? Receptionists or otherwise?

          And if some little witch laughed at my husband, when I walked in, trust me she'd be lucky if she'd have either a) a job or b) teeth to smile with when I was finished.

          I love men. I love the ones that broke my heart, the ones that got their hearts broken by me, all the men in my family, all the men in my life. I think this society is still very male-oriented, in the fact that men are conditioned to be result-and-success driven. My husband is the most amazing guy, but no matter what I say or point out, he defines himself pretty much by his profession and measures himself by how much he makes. And I really think that society still believes that is the measure of a man - but we're using the wrong ruler.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by LadyLane View Post
            I think this society is still very male-oriented, in the fact that men are conditioned to be result-and-success driven. My husband is the most amazing guy, but no matter what I say or point out, he defines himself pretty much by his profession and measures himself by how much he makes. And I really think that society still believes that is the measure of a man - but we're using the wrong ruler.
            I have always believed that men and women's success should not be measured by what they have but by their character.
            Last edited by Fallen1; 12-10-2007, 10:26 PM.
            There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
              He checked availability at a half dozen or so clinics and out of them, all but one were rude and 3 even started laughing. All women.
              This is the real deal and was I knocked out by it. When you think of it maybe some of the women were not trained well but when you think of it, even the receptionists should show compassion when dealing with patients. Maybe for them it was just another SOB getting his stuff looked at. He also did say that he had been transfered to nurses. They should be good at helping the guys. There is one story I had heard a while back about a female urologist that played a joke on the patients just to see how scared they would react. She mentioned it to one of the wives when talking to her at a later time and told her she did it just for her kicks. The wife was not happy. Plus the guy was emotionally hurt. I think urologists see mostly/only male patients and this joke only pertained to a mans anatomy. If it was true, I am not sure. If it was, it was quite cruel. Tons of this whole situation relates to how we communicate and treat each other.
              I’m sorry your friend had to go through all of that garbage from those people. All I can do is imagine how hard it must have been to work up the courage to go through with it, and then to be laughed at – that’s horrible.

              I feel I should point something out, though. I don’t think it’s important that they were women; I think it’s more important that they were hideously unprofessional.
              I've heard plenty of stories just like that, but in reverse -- doctors and dentists alike. I'm sure we've all heard about the dentists doing things to women while they are under anesthesia:
              Dentist Fondles 27 Female Patients
              Dentist fondles breasts, claims action appropriate
              Manhattan Dentist Charged With Sexual Abuse of Patient
              A dentist was arrested in 1984 on charges of sodomizing a patient under anesthesia.
              You can imagine how hurt, betrayed, and, well -- God knows how many other emotions they went through after that experience.

              My guy friends are giving me limited support. Some came out of real bad relationships and are pretty harsh about women. Tons of "I f'em and then tell them to f"off. I recently came out of a broken relationship but I am holding out hope I can find the right woman.
              It sounds like your here because you recognize how bitter you are, or in danger of becoming. I've been there, too. I have to say, that being on this forum has probably helped me with that. The first thing I noticed-- women have just as hard a time dating us as we have dating them.

              No offense, but maybe you should let your friends give you "limited support" when it comes to women. I don't know how much help you can get from friends who "are pretty harsh about women." You may want to tune them out if they start up any seething rants when you're around them.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Fallen1 View Post
                I have always believed that men and women's success should not be measured by what they have but by their character.
                I agree. I just wish most of the world felt the same way.

                Comment


                • Thanks friends.

                  Thanks for the insight.
                  I would like to shed some more light on this topic. First for fallen1, Thanks again. Please don't hold a grudge against us. As much of a joke it may seem, there is maybe some anger in you that has not past and only can eat away at you or be unconsciously be directed at those who did you no harm. You have someone in your life. Think of guys like me and please don't take yours for granted. I hope you mean well. Peace and Love.
                  Ladylove. He is in Minnesota. Whatever state you live in, sexism or whatever can crop up. As far as the laughter goes I think the hurt feelings happened in the manner the calls were taken. What I heard from him was "It was clear she was holding back laughing and had no sense of concern at all." Another call. He contacts a clinic, he nervously explains his situation, "She starts to giggle, seemed like the receiver was moved away from her mouth, in the distance jabbering and giggling. Hands the phone to another girl who tries to act real serious but still humored." The last call before getting an appointment on the next one. Here is the killer. Makes the call. After spilling his guts she sounds like she does not know what she talking about and they are booked way out. She says, "We-e-e-e-ll ga-ga-a-good luck with a-a-all of th-that." Holding it back. He said thank you and as he hangs up she starts laughing. Ends the call. Quote "I hung up the phone, yelled ********k and wanted to cry.
                  Ladylove, Peace and Love to you.
                  Still nobody. This a sad situation and shows how cold some people are.
                  The situations you brought up almost sounds like. "Well now its his turn." One of my last lines from an earlier posting from me was about the price I feel I might be paying for wrongdoings of men in the past. Between men and women it looks like this is not la-dee-da relationship stuff. It is starting to look like a battle of the sexes. Some men lay down and say walk all over me. Some women want to do that to each and every guy. Most are in between. For many it is all out war. Either way. Generalizing men are all jerks or some of my friends trashing women just make this a long war of attrition. It extends it painfully for everybody. Partly because of the death and my anxiety I am seeing a therapist this week. I am not crazy, just real depressed to the point of being suicidal. I don't smoke, drink or use drugs. Not being religious makes it easier for me to give up. One thing I read today is that anxiety causes the mind to magnify small problems into big ones. I see the world not through beer goggles so to speak. Lately many things have been brought to light in my life and have left me very saddened. Real things to ponder. I forget who posted it but one of you wished me well on finding new love. I hope I do and thank you so much. Even if that day comes. I still worry about my friends, family and all of you who might be in pain because of some wrongdoing of another. Somebody said once, "Life is not fair." Something I coined was, "Life is not fair but I will be."
                  I am trying to be optimistic. Sometimes to hit the lowest low allows a man to feel the highest high. Maybe thats true love. I don't know. Maybe give you an update if and when I start to feel better.
                  Love you all.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                    First for fallen1, Thanks again. Please don't hold a grudge against us. As much of a joke it may seem, there is maybe some anger in you that has not past and only can eat away at you or be unconsciously be directed at those who did you no harm. You have someone in your life. Think of guys like me and please don't take yours for granted. I hope you mean well. Peace and Love.
                    It's hard to explain the negativity I have. I have come to the conclusion that it is due to how I was raised. Because I was raised in a very religious family I was sheltered to a great extent. Growing up I wasn't allowed to listen to certain music, watch certain tv shows, or even go certain places, heck my parents never even had the "birds and the bees" talk with me. I grew up with a sugar-coated idea of the way things were, one of which was the male/female relationship. When I was finally exposed to the real world, adultery, divorce, porn, I think it shattered my "dream" of the way things were - I saw mankind/life the way it really was, not the Pleasantville I thought it was ..... and I was greatly disappointed, even angered to a point. It didn't help matters when I found out my first husband would be out with his girlfriend when he was supposed to be at work while I was at home with our 1 year old son. I have often wished that I was exposed to more negative things growing up, maybe I would have been better prepared to handle the negative aspects and disappointment in life.

                    Yes I have found someone that is truely wonderful and has made me start to believe once again that all of you great guys really do exist.

                    And yes, it is a real shame that a few bad apples (in both genders) can spoil it for everyone.
                    Last edited by Fallen1; 12-11-2007, 08:11 PM.
                    There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                      The situations you brought up almost sounds like. "Well now its his turn."
                      I’m not sure I understand what you mean here. Are you saying I gave you those examples as a “gotcha” moment? Like I was listing bad stuff done by men just because you’ve been talking about bad stuff done by women?
                      I'm sorry if it sounded like that, but that’s not what I meant at all. I was trying to point out that this kind of horrible stuff happens on both sides – to men and women, by men and women.
                      I’m saying it’s about the professionals involved in your stories being unprofessional, immature and downright pathetic. I was just trying to point that out with a few examples where men were the ones being unprofessional, immature and downright pathetic.

                      Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                      Generalizing men are all jerks or some of my friends trashing women just make this a long war of attrition. It extends it painfully for everybody.
                      I never made any generalizations about all men being jerks.
                      The only generalization I made about men in my posts was about the communication issue – and I acknowledged it as a generalization.
                      The stuff about your friends trashing women was in your post – I just quoted it. Maybe I just read this sentence wrong, I don’t know.

                      Regardless, I hope you get the help that you’re looking for from your therapist. Good luck with everything.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Fallen1 View Post
                        And yes, it is a real shame that a few bad apples (in both genders) can spoil it for everyone.
                        Jeez, look at that. You said in one simple sentence what I've been trying to say in all of my rambling posts.

                        Thanks, Fallen1.

                        Comment


                        • Sorry still nobody

                          Sorry, I only wanted to bring up the bad doctor thing. As in "That happened to your friend, but look at what these guys did." Thats how it sounded to me. Also I know it was phrased with the note "is was women". Women are mistreated all the time and it is wrong but they IMO are stronger and more well organised to handle the situations. So many men, me included think poorly of themselves. It is harder to climb up when you are at rock bottom in your heart and from societies viewpoint than if you have great support around you and from within. Look at where we are. A women's site.
                          The generalizing thing just means I think a lot of people (not you) write off the other gender as bad (some of my friends for example) and don't credit the good men and women out there. Your tips have been good. Sorry for the miscommunication I speak better than I write. Thanks again.
                          Last edited by Drewstraws; 12-12-2007, 07:11 PM. Reason: added stuff

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                            Sorry, I only wanted to bring up the bad doctor thing. As in "That happened to your friend, but look at what these guys did." Thats how it sounded to me.
                            Okay. I think I understand what you meant. I guess you thought I was competing with you over who has had it worse, men or women. I assure you that wasn't my intention, but I guess you know that now.

                            Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                            Women are mistreated all the time and it is wrong but they IMO are stronger and more well organised to handle the situations.
                            If they are "more well organised" I think it's because most women communicate better than most men, this goes back to the communication issue that started this thread.

                            Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                            It is harder to climb up when you are at rock bottom in your heart and from societies viewpoint than if you have great support around you and from within. Look at where we are. A women's site.
                            I agree, I've been there, and sometimes I find myself trudging back there. I've hit rock bottom, too. Depression, stress and anxiety are horrible and very debilitating. At one point, I didn't leave the house for 11 months; I cut my own hair and had things delivered to me. Like you, I didn't get much in the way of support, either. I think the family and friends in my life were more enabling to my depression and anxiety than anything else. I don't think they knew what to do, so they did nothing.
                            I went looking for help on the internet, reading countless articles, and lurking on a variety of forums. Men's forums are mostly worthless when it comes to issues of substance, any real substance on those forums is rare.

                            Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                            So many men, me included think poorly of themselves.
                            That's true, we do. But women go through those things too.
                            You're not alone in what you are going through. I know it feels like you are, I felt the same way for a long time. This forum helped. The articles I read all over the internet helped.
                            Heck, if I can crawl out of that dark abyss then I think anyone can.
                            Good luck with everything.

                            Comment


                            • Hey Fallen1 I did'nt forget you.

                              Hi Fallen1,
                              Thanks for the reply. I grew up in large family myself. No Birds and the bees or even relationship talks either. Not knowing did more damage than good. I am bothered by my years of floundering (spelling?) , and lost precious time trying to figure out things on my own. These recent years have been brutally tough. Figured a lot out but feel my time has past. For those that maybe followed my story, I went to therapy earlier today and it was ok for a while but the therapist went into the whole god thing at the end which I should have seen coming. (The clinic said they used some religious topics in the treatment.) I helped some but I still have a way to go. I am not sure what I will see in my next relationship. All I know is that I am not happy and can't pinpoint it.
                              Hanging in there and keeping my head up. (some of the time)
                              I hope all is warm and fuzzy with all of you.
                              Thanks again Fallen1. I hope your partner gets all fuzzy with you.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                                I went to therapy earlier today and it was ok for a while but the therapist went into the whole god thing at the end which I should have seen coming. (The clinic said they used some religious topics in the treatment.)
                                That's a surprise to me. I have always thought that they would stay very far from God and religion.

                                Stay strong and keep your head up, things will get better for you.

                                Originally posted by Drewstraws View Post
                                Thanks again Fallen1. I hope your partner gets all fuzzy with you.
                                Yes, yes he does.
                                Last edited by Fallen1; 12-13-2007, 10:12 PM.
                                There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                                Comment

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