[Euphoric]

Why has your husband 'taken the bull by the horns' by trying so hard to find your friend a companion? Your friend is lonely, is he painfully shy as well? Passing contact information and letting them "set something up" seems awkward.

Would it be feasible to set up a meeting at a coffee shop where the four of you are interacting in a social setting and taking the edge off of the blind date theme? At the end of the coffee meeting, your friend has the opportunity to persue future encounters by asking for the lady's number.

As long as he is considered a boring date, I'm not sure what you could do, short of making suggestions to bring him out of his shell or supply him with entertainment ideas.

Conversely, I'd not make it my mission to find him a companion. Sometimes things seem to be sailing along fine and WHAM! everything goes to pot, and you (your husband) may be viewed as the culprit who coerced him in the first place.

(P.S. Thank You )

Euphoric

[DreamP346]

Why has your husband 'taken the bull by the horns' by trying so hard to find your friend a companion?

Yeah, that's my question. Personally, I don't match-make unless asked to. I think my husband is being too pushy with this, although our friend doesn't seem to mind the setting up. I also feel the same way that if things go south, it could be awkward.

[atskitty2]

You keep saying he "seems" this way or that...has he actually asked for help or have you just asked him, outside of the same time you've got somebody in mind? He may not object because he doesn't want to disappoint you or something like that.
People tend to think I'm lonely, and offer to hook me up quite often. They get the wrong idea.

Couple other thoughts:
If he's really such a boring date, maybe he needs to work on that. Maybe some work on his presentation, and some cultivating of his own social skills is in order. Maybe he has been wanting to develop new hobbies or skills and now would be a good time.

If he really is this lonely, longing man, that's probably as much a turn off as anything. Desperation in any form, no matter how minor, is just not a quality most of us are looking for. Perceptions of desperation can be as bad as real desperation.

[DreamP346]

You keep saying he "seems" this way or that...has he actually asked for help or have you just asked him, outside of the same time you've got somebody in mind? He may not object because he doesn't want to disappoint you or something like that.
People tend to think I'm lonely, and offer to hook me up quite often. They get the wrong idea.

My husband is the one telling me all this. I'm not sure he got it directly from his friend or is making assumptions.

Couple other thoughts:
If he's really such a boring date, maybe he needs to work on that. Maybe some work on his presentation, and some cultivating of his own social skills is in order. Maybe he has been wanting to develop new hobbies or skills and now would be a good time.

If he really is this lonely, longing man, that's probably as much a turn off as anything. Desperation in any form, no matter how minor, is just not a quality most of us are looking for. Perceptions of desperation can be as bad as real desperation.

I assume he's a boring date because he is the guy at our parties who always shows up but doesn't say much. Very quiet. Not a big talker and very much a follower. At 50, I don't think that is going to change. He does try to do different activities such as church volunteer, going to live music, wine tasting, etc. I also don't know if he comes off desperate.

My husband is closer with him than I am. I just get annoyed at my husband for trying to set up every single woman he knows with him.

[jen1447]

fwiw, in my experience, setting people up (and I've done it myself so I know) is usually more for the benefit of the person doing the setting up. It seems like many people (women usually moreso than men) are made uncomfortable by single people in their social circles, so they want to 'fix' that - under the guise of helping the single person but mainly I think so they don't have to feel uncomfortable about them.

[atskitty2]

^^^what Jen brings up is partly why I ask if this man is seeking help from your hubby or not.

[DreamP346]

fwiw, in my experience, setting people up (and I've done it myself so I know) is usually more for the benefit of the person doing the setting up. It seems like many people (women usually moreso than men) are made uncomfortable by single people in their social circles, so they want to 'fix' that - under the guise of helping the single person but mainly I think so they don't have to feel uncomfortable about them.

Could be, but he is the only single friend my husband has taken an interest in setting up. We have other single friends and occasionally I will think about introducing them to other single acquaintances. But it's not a mission and I usually don't really do anything unless asked to.

The only thing different about this friend is we know that he is lonely and that he has not had any relationships, not even short ones. Our other single friends have on and off relationships. Basically, it looks like they can find their own dates. Actually almost all my close friends are single. I do wish they will find somebody and be happy, but I don't take it on to set them up. Who am I to say they wouldn't be happier single. My husband's friends are mostly married. Just a few single folks.

The problem is that our friend is very quiet. He won't say if he finds this pushy or he likes all the help he can get.

[Sonny]

Yep...nothing wrong with making introductions but blind dates or set ups can be awkward. I've had them all, and intros are better, preferably in a group setting.

Agreed!

[Archer]

In my experience, the group setting can be even more awkward. If you're trying to spit game and flirt with someone in front of friends you've known for a long time, you know they're going to tease the hell out of you later, especially if you crash and burn

I would prefer personally to get the person's Facebook info (if they're a mutual friend), chat for a bit, check out their pics, and only then (if interested) meet up for a drink and chat 1 on 1. At the very least, you've made a new acquaintance that you will recognize and have common ground with if you run into them again at a party or something.

This guy in particular, at 50 years old, has got to be a master at something by this point in his life. There must be something that he does REALLY well, i.e. some type of musical instrument, boating, whatever. His best bet, at his age and shyness level, is probably to put himself in situations where he is naturally the alpha male because of his innate talent in that area, rather than expecting him to be at the top of his game at every huge awkward party full of people.

If he isn't good at anything in particular, this would be the perfect time for him to start.