[leanna90]

So I've been with my boyfriend officially for about a month now. I've known him my whole life and we were really close friends before dating. Prior to getting into a relationship we were definitely "a thing" for like 3 months. I have a very hard time trusting people and I'd always been suspicious of my boyfriend for basically no reason. I thought it was just me being crazy until I noticed activity on instagram between him & his ex. Most of my friends told me to just calm down because it's probably nothing. Long story short, I found out a week ago that he cheated on me about 3 weeks ago with his ex. I actually found out from my boyfriends' ex's then boyfriend, who actually used to be one of my really good friends. We both basically talked about how it's hilarious how this is how we start talking again after both being cheated on by them. We've all come to the conclusion that it was a one time thing and probably a spur of the moment (that makes no difference to me but it's a little better than an on going affair behind your back.) My boyfriend has really showed remorse for this and still continues to show me how sorry he is and blah blah. My boyfriends ex & her boyfriend ended up getting back together just like me & my boyfriend.

Here's the problem. Once I'm betrayed like that, it's very hard for me to still look at the person and feel the same feelings. I feel like once I get stabbed in the back...it's like your dead to me, I've been that way since I was little. I lose any and all respect for you and it's very hard for me to gain it back. I'm trying super hard to make things work with my boyfriend but cheating is not an issue I take lightly. I grew up with an alcoholic father who constantly cheated on my mother who wasn't strong enough to leave him. Although that's a marriage and this isn't, I still saw how severely cheating affected kids. Me & all my siblings have HUGE trust issues. I have a really good guy friend who's been there for me through it all. He told one of our good friends that "I've liked her (me) for months and that pr****** goes out and cheats on her like that." Hes constantly told me I deserve better and he's told me that since day 1. He said he's noticed that my boyfriend will sometimes take me for granted and he hates seeing me treated that way.

I guess what I'm stuck with is the fact that I'm starting to get feelings for my guy friend and I don't know what to do. Do I just ignore the feelings and stay with my boyfriend? To be completely honest, I still love my boyfriend but sometimes love isn't enough. I hate to admit this but I also don't think I'm strong enough to leave him on my own. I would hate to leave my boyfriend and go for my guy friend and have that just fall apart and now I have nothing. But if I stay with my boyfriend, there's a chance he'll cheat on me again and it's not like my guy friend is going to wait around for me forever and I don't expect him to at all. He needs to live his life and I wouldn't want him to give up anything he wants just because there might be a chance with me.

[DreamP346]

Do I stay with my boyfriend or let him go?

I usually don't think cheating is the end of a relationship but this may be the exception. Cheating so early in a relationship doesn't sound good.

[MCR100]

I'd say once you know you have lost trust in him, thats that. You may get it back, but honestly with your past and it being so early on, I'd suggest bowing out now.

[jen1447]

The most significant thing about cheating is the lying that usually goes along with it. So cheater usually equals liar. Naturally you can't trust somebody who lies to you, and no trust in a relationship means there's really no relationship, so cheating usually means the end of a relationship, and I think justifiably so.

There are other considerations - do you have kids, are you invested in a longterm marriage, etc. - that can affect whether to split or not. You don't have those things, you've been together for a month. So there's really nothing else holding you together. Let him go.

As to your fears, there will always be fears and uncertainty but that doesn't really change anything. You still can't trust a guy who cheats on you, even if you're scared of being alone or worried that the next thing won't work out, etc. I'd worry less about trying to control the future and more about fixing the present. Good luck.

[effy2014]

Building the trust back is going to take a while. If it were me, I would want to know why he cheated. If it was a situation that you don't think will be repeated, then it may be worth giving him another chance. If he cheated because there is something missing in your relationship, that is important as well.

The part of your story which concerns me is your fear of being alone. You are very young. Don't feel like you always have to have a boyfriend to be happy -- the fear of having nothing will lead to bad choices in men. Finish one relationship before starting another. Then take your time to find the right guy.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I see a few things.

It's very hard to let go of an ex, until you are totally ready to do so. I am not sure why they broke up but in my opinion, the closure wasn't there and I hope that it is now.

Whilst you were getting to the "together stage" over a 3 month period, perhaps the next move one week later entering into a relationship with you, wasn't timed perfectly. Maybe he wanted to be sure it's you he wanted to be with now. It was one week into your now relationship and you say that he continues to beat himself up over it. In my opinion, there is a time frame here, had he done that 3 months into the relationship I think I would reply differently.

Be wary of "guy friends" who tell you, you deserve better, put down your current boyfriend, there is always an ulterior motive. And, you can't jump from one to another without getting burnt. Your now boyfriend could be your better choice, who made a mistake going backwards to move forwards, you won't know.. This friend, could dump you in a few months realising he was just jealous and wanted you now doesn't. Who knows.

If this guy friend likes you enough, trust me, he will wait.