[Magnetism]

In the lounge thread, I talked about why I don't believe in pursuing men. I would like feedback on this embarrassing situation. When I was seeing a therapist to help with my best friend's death, she suggested that I go after this guy that I thought was cute. I told her, "he just stares. He doesn't do anything." I gave in to her suggestion, as she said, "my male clients think it's hot when women initiate. Maybe he's just nervous." So, I initiated some messaging on Facebook and flirted a bit. He was flattered. Numbers were exchanged. When we were supposed to meet for the first time, he initiated sex and said that "he doesn't go on dates." Again, I gave in bc I also wanted it. When I told my therapist, "I'm concerned that this won't go anywhere. " She urged me to keep pursuing by initiating texts, and said how she and her boyfriend had sex on the first date. Again, I gave in. He responded and was receptive to meeting up. He told me he found me sexy. A month later, he breaks things off saying that he's going back to a former ******** buddy. He said, "I like you. I can't be with you just right now. We can try again in the future, if things don't work out with this girl. I hope we can be friends still." I thought, "no way in hell. If it doesn't work the first time, it's not going to work again." When I told my therapist, I told her, "this is why I don't like chasing. The guy was on the rebound with some other girl, and he wasn't even looking for a relationship." She then told me, "you were due for a fling anyway. You haven't had sex in awhile." Well, the whole thing hurt me deeply. I've tried to get over it, but only time will heal. I'm also upset that I've allowed myself to take someone else's advice. If I didn't share the situation with the therapist, I would have just left things as a one nighter. Because of this, I will never be the aggressor again. I'm not interested in any flings or casual sex either. I don't care what anyone says. I can't afford to take someone's suggestion and get hurt like this again. A one month fling turned into several months of feeling like crap. As for this guy, he still acts very friendly with me and got upset that I deleted him off of Facebook. It's not worth "initiating" things with him again. I think he already senses with my actions that he won't get me back.

[Magnetism]

It's too late to edit this thread. Now, I'm weary of sharing such personal information. But, the posts in the lounge section triggered the memory.

[atskitty2]

I don't have time to comment further right now, other than to say that I would be questioning the skill and professional behavior of this therapist of yours. First, she shouldn't be sharing such personal info. She also shouldn't be advising in such judgment based ways, such as "you were due for a fling"? Wth???
I'm appalled. Forget the loser guy and therapist.

[Magnetism]

Thanks, ats-I don't see her anymore. It's my fault for not seeing red flags. Guess I put up with things out of loneliness and wanting support. As far as him being a loser, perhaps it was a good thing to be broken off.

[Claret]

I don't believe any therapist worth their salt would have given out that advise. What they are trained to do is to lead you to discover behaviours that work to combat certain deficiencies: these could be extreme shyness, being socially paralyzed, etc. and they provide the coping skills to work around what is holding you back. Maybe her male clients were all total nerds and needed the complete attention of females in order for them to feel, needed, wanted or loved. As atskitty2 says she shouldn't be sharing such personal info and advising in such judgment based ways.
My advise would be to find a new therapist.

[Magnetism]

Claret-i agree. This therapist knew that I was a sexual abuse survivor, no family around, and a few friendships that went haywire. So, this fling and being broken off with triggered some bad, bad and bad flashbacks and messages. I do have a much more competent person to talk with right now. Not sure why I felt the need to vent about this issue right now. I'm abstaining from casual sex, bc it's not in my best interest.

[Claret]

I agree, take the time you need to discover who you are. Discover what you like and want to promote about yourself. Discover what it is that sabotages your successes. Do you have any friends/family either male/female that want nothing from you other than you to be yourself and to be a friend to them? These are the types of people that can provide some stability into your life, they expect nothing but what you are willing to give to them.

[Magnetism]

Yes, that's why I'm moving back to my hometown. Strong support is important, especially with people that don't see you as a sex toy or question your decision to be celibate. I know I walked into that situation by being so easily sexual, because I was stressed, insecure and very lonely.

[midnightwishes]

There is something not right with your therapist. Find another one, who's way more professional. Also, forget about the guy. Okay, so you had a bad first experience. We all do, really. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less or help, but it's the truth. I've had plenty of bad dates and have been rejected many times. As embarrassing as it was, it didn't stop me from pursuing other people, I just learned how to be less aggressive and more mature when doing so. With my current boyfriend, I'm the one that asked him to be my boyfriend.

[Magnetism]

I want to honor my heart with "pursuing" not being my thing.