[CHANDLERS WISH]

No need for me to answer further, the men have spoken

[Magnetism]

Chandlers wish-one positive thing that I liked about this guy is that he accepted my sexual preferences. He didn't argue, question or try to get me to change. The therapist I was seeing also had some concerns about my sexual preferences. I mentioned in another thread how she said she doesn't understand how a woman can feel satisfied with giving oral sex. She wanted me to explore with this fling on how to enjoy penetration, but this guy himself was fine with whatever I preferred. He didn't push anything or lecture me about what women should like. Motor guy-the men that were head over heels for me were the ones that were assertive with their interest.

[effy2014]

That therapist really was awful. Her personal opinions about sex probably did more damage to you then the relationship. Other than the fact that he had unfinished business, he seems like a good guy (the acceptance of your preferences and his remorse over the break up). Another reason to believe that he was not turned off by your pursuit.

I think we all discussed the satisfaction issue in a prior thread. I understand where you are coming from. No man . . . no person should ever lecture you about what a woman should like. Just the same, women also need to accept that men obtain the same satisfaction from giving.

[Magnetism]

What do you think about, "we can try again in the future, if things don't work out with her?" Some of my female friends thought that was rude, but my perspective was, "he doesn't want to completely get rid of me." You often hear the classic case of guys cutting ties with booty calls. I only deleted him off of fb to help me move on.

[jen1447]

I think it's just a case of differing sensibilities Mag. He doesn't value the same things you do, so "trying again" (restarting the booty calls basically) may make perfect sense to him, while with you it's offensive because you don't view yourself as a booty call. I doubt he's trying to be rude, he just doesn't get you.

[Magnetism]

Jen-to clarify, I didn't find it rude. Other concerned female friends did. I actually found it flattering, bc it was reassuring that he found me attractive and liked our intimacy. But, I chose not to go back bc I don't want to be stuck in a booty call.

[DreamP346]

Pursuing a man is fine just like wanting to be pursued is fine too. There is nothing wrong in either. I think the only issue would be a man who has problems with a woman who pursues. That is a good sign of a man that will be bound by traditional values of gender dynamics. So unless you would like to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, you probably don't want to be with those guys anyway.

Many men like women who pursue, but there are others who like to pursue. Everybody likes different aspect of dating. However, who pursues should not effect the outcome of the relationship.

Looks like you had one bitter outcome but I don't think it had anything to do with you pursuing. Just bad advice from a bad therapist.

If you feel comfortable pursuing a man, go for it. I think it opens you to relationships and possibilities that may not have happened. If you always wait to be pursued, then you don't get to pick. You have to wait to be somebody's pick.

[Magnetism]

Dream-did you pursue your husband, if you don't mind me asking? If I'm going to end up with one man, I'm okay with waiting. Quality over quantity is my cup of tea.

[DreamP346]

My husband started the pursuing because he was more interested in me than I was in him. But once things got started, I was just as aggressive, if not more, than he was. He later told me that was something he really liked about me. He said he dated these women who expected him to take care of everything. They basically didn't do anything but expect to be taken care of. They wouldn't even suggest what restaurant to go to. He had to ask them out, suggest what to do, what time, where to be picked up, etc. He didn't care for that.

But I've pursued men that I really liked. I've never been turned down by a guy I pursued because I only went after somebody who seemed to have some level of interest. and I also felt that confident about myself.

Pursuing somebody is difficult. Men find it just as hard as women. I've heard too many stories of two people liking each other but neither one making the move and decades go by before they tell each other as kind of a joke. But you have to be prepared for rejection as well. Comes with the territory. In my pursuing days, I never feared rejection because I never thought it possible. My biggest fear was emotional attachment which is much easier to avoid.

[Magnetism]

Thanks for sharing. Rejection is hard for me, because it leads to the "what's wrong with me?" It also leads to the fear of being judged by others, because someone could easily say , "you're not pretty enough or you're just crazy." (Which has happened) Realistically, the few men that I did pursue did find me attractive, and told me so. Things just didn't follow through, but it's hard not to analyze what's wrong. When someone initiates, at least I know for sure he's interested.