Thanks for all your replies. It has shown which parts I need to provide more detail for.
The creep shots. Not ok. Not by any means. Effy women who post photos of themselves on the internet had a choice to do so even though there are risks. These women at the beach had no choice in this matter. This is not illegal but absolutely a violation of these women. I would be far more ok if he's asked their permission to snap the photos. A girl should be able to nap on the beach in her bikini without a man taking her photo and having the power to do with it what he wants when she has no choice. Thankfully when explaining this to my bf he admitted it was unacceptable behaviour and said he never thought of it from the girls perspectives. Only his which he thought would remain a secret forever so no harm done. His understanding this is why I was able to move forward together.
The breach of trust. This is where I need to provide more detail. I found the photos and he was humiliated. So when I asked for explanation he said he'd only done it once when he was particularly upset with me but then he realized he was wrong so he thought he had deleted the photos. That was a lie and I caught him in it. He had done this over the course of several days of our vacation and he never made any attempt to delete them. He was finally able to admit this to me when I had proof and he realized he had no choice. There is the breach of trust.
As for my insecurities. Yup it is one of the major factors in this situation. But I am human and a woman at that. We are naturally insecure and I am no exception. I struggled with an eating disorder my whole teenage life. Now in my late 20's I'm finally happy and healthy in my own skin. Seeing those photos of women who look nothing like me (skinnier) flooded back my insecurities instantly. My bf was fully aware of my past. I now question if he is attracted to me at all. I do need reassurance from him. Which means taking steps to show me that he is attracted to me. And I haven't left him in the dark on what that means. I've given him pointers and suggestions on things I think will help. But 6 months later he still has not tried. When I ask him he says he will he just hasn't gotten around to it. This is feeding my insecurities. A simple solution would be for me to initiate as many of you have suggested. However I lack the confidence to do that. The fear of rejection grips me if I even think about it.
My energy levels. Since this happened my stress levels have gone up and my health has suffered. I have panic attacks and regular anxiety. It started off really bad and thankfully has slowed to very rare. But it still happens. It is those days that I wish he would step up around the house and just take care of things. As of now that is about once every 3 weeks. I don't expect him to take care of everything. In fact on a regular basis we work on things together from cooking to cleaning which I know is a great situation and nothing to complain about. But there are days I really do need his support.
But my takeaway from what you have all said so far. Perhaps if I meet him in the middle on even just some of the stuff he seems to be falling short on it might get the ball rolling on some other stuff and some of his confidence back. He has done a lot so far and I can't over look that. I'm not sure what that means yet but I will think on it and try something for sure!
The creep shots. Not ok. Not by any means. Effy women who post photos of themselves on the internet had a choice to do so even though there are risks. These women at the beach had no choice in this matter. This is not illegal but absolutely a violation of these women. I would be far more ok if he's asked their permission to snap the photos. A girl should be able to nap on the beach in her bikini without a man taking her photo and having the power to do with it what he wants when she has no choice. Thankfully when explaining this to my bf he admitted it was unacceptable behaviour and said he never thought of it from the girls perspectives. Only his which he thought would remain a secret forever so no harm done. His understanding this is why I was able to move forward together.
The breach of trust. This is where I need to provide more detail. I found the photos and he was humiliated. So when I asked for explanation he said he'd only done it once when he was particularly upset with me but then he realized he was wrong so he thought he had deleted the photos. That was a lie and I caught him in it. He had done this over the course of several days of our vacation and he never made any attempt to delete them. He was finally able to admit this to me when I had proof and he realized he had no choice. There is the breach of trust.
As for my insecurities. Yup it is one of the major factors in this situation. But I am human and a woman at that. We are naturally insecure and I am no exception. I struggled with an eating disorder my whole teenage life. Now in my late 20's I'm finally happy and healthy in my own skin. Seeing those photos of women who look nothing like me (skinnier) flooded back my insecurities instantly. My bf was fully aware of my past. I now question if he is attracted to me at all. I do need reassurance from him. Which means taking steps to show me that he is attracted to me. And I haven't left him in the dark on what that means. I've given him pointers and suggestions on things I think will help. But 6 months later he still has not tried. When I ask him he says he will he just hasn't gotten around to it. This is feeding my insecurities. A simple solution would be for me to initiate as many of you have suggested. However I lack the confidence to do that. The fear of rejection grips me if I even think about it.
My energy levels. Since this happened my stress levels have gone up and my health has suffered. I have panic attacks and regular anxiety. It started off really bad and thankfully has slowed to very rare. But it still happens. It is those days that I wish he would step up around the house and just take care of things. As of now that is about once every 3 weeks. I don't expect him to take care of everything. In fact on a regular basis we work on things together from cooking to cleaning which I know is a great situation and nothing to complain about. But there are days I really do need his support.
But my takeaway from what you have all said so far. Perhaps if I meet him in the middle on even just some of the stuff he seems to be falling short on it might get the ball rolling on some other stuff and some of his confidence back. He has done a lot so far and I can't over look that. I'm not sure what that means yet but I will think on it and try something for sure!
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