[Magnetism]

Those who read my secret lounge thread know that I was getting advice from someone that I don't talk to anymore. There's an new person that I met through a friend, and we share a spark.

The only issue is that he lives out of state, but he comes to my town for business trips and family events. He's expressed trying to find a job here, but we don't know if that's going to happen. When he first met me at my friend's party, he took the lead by approaching me, and asking me out. We did have our first date, which went great. He was super sweet, and again texted me after the date to say that he enjoyed himself and hopes that I had a good time. He said he will be in touch about when he's back in my town. He also said to let him know when I'm in his state, but that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Two weeks went by since our first date, and I decided to wish him a happy holiday today (it's our festival in my religion). He wrote back enthusiastically saying, "Thank you so much!", and I then asked a question. It's been a day since I've heard from him. I try very hard not to be needy and clingy, but I can't help and wonder if a lack of texting is a sign of disinterest. Do a google search and I'm seeing all of this, "If he's really into you, he would take the time to text back. Busy is another word for **************."

You may ask why weeks go by without texting. I'm old-fashioned where I prefer to not be the one that always initiates texts, but I thought a happy holiday text wouldn't hurt. Again, it's a nightmare to be perceived as needy or clingy. I like to give people their space. I'm also not comfortable with texting him, "So, why didn't you answer my text? What are you doing?" The person I used to be seeking love advice from told me that men don't always need to text in between dates, especially when they've confirmed that they want to see you in person. This man also told me that he has a stressful job and that he doesn't go out much.

I'm accepting other dates as well, as I don't know what's going to happen. I like him, but I also don't want to make assumptions so soon. As far as long-distance is concerned, I've known quite a few couples that have fell in love that way. I will admit that I'm not used to this situation, but am willing to give it a shot.

P.S. My former coach was telling me that the reason why this guy didn't kiss me on the first date was b/c of my weight, lol.

Keep him or is he already a time-waster? I will admit that a part of me wanted to delete him off of facebook and say "Heck with him." But, another part of me knows that he will be hurt and that I could ruin whatever was meant to develop.

Are there any guys on here that aren't big texters/phone people?

[jns]

I think a LDR requires absolute trust that your SO is waiting for you or a lot of communications. In today's age, a LDR can happen from the start of a relationship and thus use modern communications to bridge the gap. In the old days a relationship had to happen first since communications were spotty. Think military wife.

That being said, I don't see either you, Magnetism, nor your new interest as having the right understanding to pull off a LDR. An off or on date for the night - yes. Even a FWB type of relationship with him. But not a true LDR. To be sure, LDRs are not for everyone and most cannot pull them off even if they are trying.

[Magnetism]

I'm a little confused, jns. What are we both lacking? The way how I see it is that we don't know each other well enough to start an ldr. The friend that introduced us is in an ldr. She also took it slow for the first two momths, and then fell in love. They seem to be doing well. I think my best bet is to get to know him, but don't act as if he's the last man on earth. If he lived where I lived, things would be easier.

[Magnetism]

I don't know why I make threads , and then regret making them. I'm worried that people are going to tell me that it won't work out with this guy. My friend says we look super cute together , and she told her mom. Then, her mom told my mom. My mom said don't write him off or delete him from facebook.

[jns]

The friend that introduced us is in an ldr. She also took it slow for the first two momths, and then fell in love.

At first she and her now SO weren't in a real relationship. They were just off and on dating and communicating (I'm assuming they got together once or a few times.) When she fell in love, I hope he did, too. Then things most likely changed with how much communication was being used.

You may ask why weeks go by without texting. I'm old-fashioned where I prefer to not be the one that always initiates texts, but I thought a happy holiday text wouldn't hurt. Again, it's a nightmare to be perceived as needy or clingy. I like to give people their space. I'm also not comfortable with texting him, "So, why didn't you answer my text? What are you doing?" The person I used to be seeking love advice from told me that men don't always need to text in between dates, especially when they've confirmed that they want to see you in person. This man also told me that he has a stressful job and that he doesn't go out much.

I'm accepting other dates as well, as I don't know what's going to happen.

This is where I brought up the right understanding. At some point someone is going to have to go all in with both feet, in other words, commit even if it means getting very hurt if things don't work out. It means not being rational and going with your gut. It seems like both of you have things to fall back on at this time.

In Buddhism, right understanding is not a static condition. It can be gained, usually by learning, but alternately by a paradigm shift in thinking.

It could work out with this guy, but it may take a leap of faith on both of your parts.

I did take that leap of faith when my wife and I converted our LDR into marriage. I'm sure she did, too. Ours was across 8,000+ miles and our communication method was by letters that needed to be translated. Talk about having hope on hope that things would work out.

[Magnetism]

Thank you for explaining, jns. I feel like if I deleted him from facebook and wrote him off, it would be a "I'm hurting you, before you hurt me" move. I don't want to be self destructive and shut a potential opportunity down, just bc of texting. The guy in person shows that he likes me, and I like him. As for my friends, they both fell in love and see each other frequently.

[Stillness]

I hate texting and am not too keen on phone conversations either. I was dating before cell phones, back when there were long distance charges and I was a poor college student. I suspect that one of my relationships with a girl I was in love with fell apart partly because I didn't like writing letters back then.

I like to be able to look a person in the eye and talk.

[jns]

I agree, don't delete him. At this point it's probably best to takes things slow and not read too much into the situation.

[jns]

I hate texting and am not too keen on phone conversations either. I was dating before cell phones, back when there were long distance charges and I was a poor college student. I suspect that one of my relationships with a girl I was in love with fell apart partly because I didn't like writing letters back then.

I like to be able to look a person in the eye and talk.

If I had to do it the way you suggest, I would have never married my wife. If you had to do it the way I did, you would have never married your wife. As I said, LDRs are not for everyone (and not for most.)

[Magnetism]

He just texted back saying he's coming to town this Sunday for his family, but I'm going to bed. Stillness-I suspect this man is introverted, which is why I wonder if texting and phones isn't a favorite of theirs. I'm introverted too, but I do enjoy deep texting convos lol