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How to Attract a Man

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  • How to Attract a Man

    Hi I’m a man. I’m going to teach you how to attract a man. Men are primarily attracted by physical beauty. What they are ACTUALLY attracted to are signs of health. From an evolutionary standpoint, a healthy woman will produce a healthier offspring, and this is why men are attracted to physical beauty. Most men do not even realize this is the real reason for their attraction. So a young, fit woman is always going to be more attractive than an old, fat woman. Firm breasts, firm butt, a thin waist, nice legs, nice skin, all signs of HEALTH. Knowing how important these things are to men, I’m always surprised when the gym is not packed to the walls with women trying to lose weight. Women seem to understand how important their looks are, but many are unwilling to put in the work it takes to be healthy.

    Women complain and complain about how unfair it is that they are judged so heavily on their looks. The truth of the matter is that it’s actually easier to improve your body by going to the gym, going tanning, whitening your teeth, taking care of your skin, taking care of your hair, and dressing seductively, in a manner that HIGHLIGHTS your best features, than it is for a man to attract a woman.

    We have to initiate a conversation with complete strangers, usually a group of complete strangers, and win over you and all of your friends with our personality. Then we have to figure out how to get you alone so that we can move the interaction into a romantic direction. We have to take all the risks and escalate at each step, first going for the kiss, then petting, and eventually moving on to sex. This last step is extremely difficult, as sex is a bigger investment for a woman than it is for a man, and she often has major anxiety before taking the plunge. Oh, and did I mention that nearly all men experience high levels of anxiety before approaching strange women? It’s like an overwhelming urge to mate with you, together with an equally overwhelming fear of you. I won’t get into the evolutionary reasons behind this anxiety, but it is universal among men.

    If you are attracted to a man, you can help reduce his anxiety by making yourself available for him to talk to. You should NOT initiate the conversation. When a woman initiates, it sets the stage for kind of a weird interaction. If he’s attracted to you, HE should try to talk to YOU. Just put yourself near him. You can make eye contact, smile, etc. You just have to hope that you look attractive enough to overcome his fear of approaching you.

    If you are wondering why we cheat...well it’s because we are evolutionarily designed to spread our DNA to as many partners as possible. This increases the survival rate of our species. But that’s not the topic of this thread. It’s not your fault. It’s not our fault. It’s just, the way we are.

    I hope this post helps clear up some confusion many of you seem to have about HOW to attract men, and WHY these things attract men.

  • That was the most cold, scientific piece of male chauvinism I've seen in a while.
    Thanks for the early morning laugh.
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    Comment


    • Male chauvinism is a belief that males are SUPERIOR to females. I DO NOT believe this at all. I believe the sexes are very different, and that they complement each other.

      Also, I should have prefaced my post by saying "In my opinion," It is my genuine belief, but I understand that not everyone is going to agree with me.

      Even though it's off topic, I have one more thing to add about the cheating thing.

      I explained why I THINK men are inclined to cheat. If a man makes a commitment to you, he should honor that commitment. Just because a man is tempted to spread his genes to other women, doesn't mean he shouldn't control this urge and honor his commitment to you.
      Last edited by Little; 04-06-2008, 09:01 AM.

      Comment


      • I try to be concise with my thoughts, but I just have more to add. I appreciate those of you who have taken the time to read all of it. The psychology of ATTRACTION between men and women is a fascinating subject to me.

        In my opinion:

        Attracting a man happens FAST. It takes approximately 1 second to attract a man. I go to a bar and see a girl. It takes only one glance. If she’s near my age and looks good to me (pretty, i.e. healthy), I feel attracted to her. I can’t help it. I just FEEL it. At this point I summon all of my courage and go talk to her and her friends.

        Now here is where personality comes in to play. If she has a bad personality, it can kill my attraction. If she’s apathetic, cold, unreceptive, boring, a racist, nasty, already with someone, or whatever, I lose my attraction. However, if we vibe together really well, if she has other characteristics that I like, for instance she’s fun, happy, intelligent, and seems to enjoy life, my attraction actually increases. To say that “men don’t care about personality” is absolutely false. I also don’t like when girls get drunk. It’s a turn-off.

        It’s like speed-dating, only in a bar, where you can meet many people on a given night. You just have to look healthy to spark that initial attraction and get out of the house. It really is THAT easy to attract a man.

        Women are MUCH harsher critics of themselves than men are of them. In my experience, the women I’ve dated have OBSESSED over flaws that I didn’t even notice. You don’t need to be PERFECT by any means to attract a man, so keep that in mind.

        Television and magazines have set an absurdly high bar for women to live up to. I think this has damaged the self-esteem of many women, which is unfortunate.

        On Ideal Body Weight:
        About a year ago I was about 25 pounds overweight. I asked myself “what is the ideal body weight for my frame?” I was careful not to under-estimate it, because I didn’t want to look emaciated. Once I had my target weight, I COMMITTED myself to achieving that weight by eating smaller meals and doing cardio (for me it was running). I think you can actually “rev your metabolism” by doing this until it starts to burn off excess fat even when you aren’t exercising.

        It took about 6 months to get to my target weight, and now I still run 3 times a week to maintain it. The desire to appear attractive to women has motivated the entire time, and continues to motivate me. Society today promotes such a sedentary lifestyle. I think everyone should at least make an effort to achieve their ideal bodyweight.

        Comment


        • I'm a man also....

          Originally posted by Deft View Post
          Women seem to understand how important their looks are, but many are unwilling to put in the work it takes to be healthy.

          Whilst I agree with the rest of that paragraph, it's sort of pointless. Who cares why we want what we want, it's just the way it is. However, this point rings absolutely true. In my observations, I see more fat women than I do fat men, and part of this is obviously because testosterone encourages muscle growth.

          However, how many fat girls actually try to lose weight by anything other than eating less? For women, losing weight is about not eating chocolate, whereas it should be about going for a jog and getting some cardiovascluar exercise. And not to mention that many many women complain about their weight but still happily tuck into their next brick of chocolate (they feel unloved so they crave that endorphin release from chocolate). My partner whined about being fat for ages (I'll stress that she's only a touch overweight), saying how she felt I was looking at other women etc... But for a full year did absolutely nothing about it, except let it crush her self esteem. Finally, she decided to do something about it, but she still hasn't done ANY exercise, she just calorie counts, which is pretty lame and unhealthy really IMO. I mean, it worked, but she's not getting any healthier or fit, just losing bodymass.

          Originally posted by Deft View Post
          Women complain and complain about how unfair it is that they are judged so heavily on their looks. The truth of the matter is that it’s actually easier to improve your body by going to the gym, going tanning, whitening your teeth, taking care of your skin, taking care of your hair...

          Women also have a genetic predisposition to bear children to one who will look after the family - hence, money. Just like men want healthy offspring, the woman wants it cared for - nice stable wealthy man. It's unfair on both sides of the fence, but that's just reality. Arguably it's easier to lose some weight than it is to get a high paying job.

          Originally posted by Deft View Post
          We have to initiate a conversation with complete strangers, usually a group of complete strangers, and win over you and all of your friends with our personality....

          True - again this is biology at play, in the wild male suitors try to impress the female, who watches the displays then selects a mate.

          Originally posted by Deft View Post
          If you are attracted to a man, you can help reduce his anxiety by making yourself available for him to talk to. You should NOT initiate the conversation. When a woman initiates, it sets the stage for kind of a weird interaction. If he’s attracted to you, HE should try to talk to YOU. Just put yourself near him. You can make eye contact, smile, etc. You just have to hope that you look attractive enough to overcome his fear of approaching you.

          I disagree here, I see no reason why a woman can't signal her interest or approach. In fact I find it a refreshing change.

          Originally posted by Deft View Post
          If you are wondering why we cheat...well it’s because we are evolutionarily designed to spread our DNA to as many partners as possible. This increases the survival rate of our species. But that’s not the topic of this thread. It’s not your fault. It’s not our fault. It’s just, the way we are.
          Yeah, I agree here too, although we should generally be trying not to hurt those we love.


          By agreeing, I don't know it that makes me a chauvenist, I don't think men or women are better, I think they are different. I think we need to accept these differences instead of holding the opposite gender to our own standards, as we're all different.


          But yeah, from a male opinion, this is all pretty much true.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by anonymouswhitefemale View Post
            But yeah, from a male opinion, this is all pretty much true.
            Right on brother! Women SAY they want to know. I am being brutally honest on an anonymous Internet forum because I LOVE this subject.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Deft;34529[B
              ]Right on brother! Women SAY they want to know. I am being brutally honest on an anonymous Internet forum because I LOVE this subject.
              [/B]

              And I bet they are standing in line waiting for you......

              Comment


              • LOL well there isn't any line. When I meet women, most enjoy chatting with me. A few brush me off right away, and I leave them alone.

                I love conversing with women. They talk about interesting subjects like relationships, love, and life. They generally talk on a much deeper level then men. Men, when they talk, usually discuss sports, which gets old for me. I think that's what attracted me to this forum in the first place.

                Although my attraction for good-looking women my age is normal, my interest in relationship dynamics is unique. Most men do not watch Sex in the City and post on women's forums.

                Comment


                • I will admit you are interesting...I found myself sizing myself up to what you desired only many years ago...

                  I was 5' 8" and 127 pounds...Only I failed your test as my waist was 27 inches...Darn on that one....Very good looking back then, in fact my picture as a bride was featured in the window of the Studio that did the work for a month...It was very large and they gave it to me free after this...I must have drawn my sailor to me as he had two other dates for the next night when he met me at the teen bar....Needless to say, he choose me.

                  Sexually wise, we meshed....We kissed for the first 8 days and then when I visited him in California, we petted, on his last leave when we became engaged I let him go down on me...That was when I found heaven....And I have been there every since....But I held off to be the virgin I always wanted to be when we married...But everything else went....It was hot. He was a jock and I was big into sports. Everything fit from the moment we met...I loved the Navy and him so I would love everything he talked about...On our first date when he got up to use the rest room, his statement to me of "gonna drain the brine off my pickle" both shocked and excited me....And may I add despite having two other proposals, he is the only man in my life that has stood me up.....

                  We both wanted children but did not plan on 9 months and 19 days after we married...But being in love, we adored her...I have never worried about a flaw about myself because he has convinced me that I am perfect.....I find after this much love that he has still made me a teen ager in his arms....

                  When he got out of service he delivered bread because the shortage of jobs.....yet when he retired 8 years ago he had given me the world....I live in the bliss that I never thought possible....

                  I find myself confused in your thread....You have set your sights high but you also know what you want....Years ago I knew the type of man I wanted....Because of this want in the back of my mind, I let an Intern and a Russian Interpreter pass.......Despite the security, this was the wisest move of my life......I wanted love.......I wish you well....Caroline

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Deft View Post
                    LOL well there isn't any line. When I meet women, most enjoy chatting with me. A few brush me off right away, and I leave them alone.

                    I love conversing with women. They talk about interesting subjects like relationships, love, and life. They generally talk on a much deeper level then men. Men, when they talk, usually discuss sports, which gets old for me. I think that's what attracted me to this forum in the first place.

                    Although my attraction for good-looking women my age is normal, my interest in relationship dynamics is unique. Most men do not watch Sex in the City and post on women's forums.
                    I agree that Woman are more open in the line of comunnication, it can be said that sometimes you just cant shut us up. LOL.

                    I also agree there is nothing wrong with a woman instigating that first move, it's a bold one that shows confidence which some men find very attractive, it's what she says and how she handles herself from that initiation. As body language goes, which is interesting, you should be able to tell who wants to talk to you and who doesn't before you as a man approaches her, then you won't be brushed of, unless your conversation is not worth listening to. If you can gain eye contact.

                    Women who put on weight. When a woman has a child, and then a second, it's extremely difficult for some to lose that weight as they pile it on. Some women you look at may be in that position.

                    Magazines ruin self image, Actors lose it in 3 - 5 months, the majority only start losing in 12 and then they are awake all the time, feeding etc, tired and no enthusiasm to work out. I by the way am a size 10 Australian or 63k.

                    You are talking about the "initial" attraction" as you are correct it is also "inner beauty" that counts. And this is from your opinion. I know a lot of men who find larger women attractive, short, tall, blonde or brunette as much as i know of men that have fallen in love, ex-brother-in-law for one, that was not physically attracted to his 7 year girlfriend to date, but was connected by having so much in common, that the initial time was friendship but he slowly didn't care about her being over weight, suspect one day they will marry.

                    The guy i am seeing, well his words were precise " I am sure you are a beautiful woman, and intelligent, but i know what i am looking for and will find"... That my friend is why i fell for him. Because, he wanted that "inner soul", the one with a passion for life, the one that knew freedom and togetherness and the one whom therefore, would have passion also in the bedroom. He is searching for his soul partner for the rest of his life, so age plays a role here. An older man knows what journey he has been on, and what he cherished and will seek nothing less, he wants laughter, fun, intimacy, freedom, sensuality, sexuality, togetherness, passion, lust and desire. He isn't interested in dating a beautiful woman with no soul....

                    So, you may find that whilst you feel initially it is all in the " looks" body size, dress, it is about taking care of yourself, and of course looking "classy" but i don't think it is about size, and again, i have to stress, you are talking about "from a productive point of view", for having children.

                    As i said though, even here, some like young women, cury, large buxon, breasts, and some like tall and slim...

                    CW
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                      You are talking about the "initial" attraction" as you are correct it is also "inner beauty" that counts. And this is from your opinion. I know a lot of men who find larger women attractive, short, tall, blonde or brunette as much as i know of men that have fallen in love, ex-brother-in-law for one, that was not physically attracted to his 7 year girlfriend to date, but was connected by having so much in common, that the initial time was friendship but he slowly didn't care about her being over weight, suspect one day they will marry.

                      The guy i am seeing, well his words were precise " I am sure you are a beautiful woman, and intelligent, but i know what i am looking for and will find"... That my friend is why i fell for him. Because, he wanted that "inner soul", the one with a passion for life, the one that knew freedom and togetherness and the one whom therefore, would have passion also in the bedroom. He is searching for his soul partner for the rest of his life, so age plays a role here. An older man knows what journey he has been on, and what he cherished and will seek nothing less, he wants laughter, fun, intimacy, freedom, sensuality, sexuality, togetherness, passion, lust and desire. He isn't interested in dating a beautiful woman with no soul.......

                      CW
                      CW: You are older so your thoughts are older..I am ancient and my idea's probably reflect it.....BUT when I was younger, my desires, wants and ultimate partner for life.. was going to be who I wanted...I knew I would get what I wanted...A woman who is confident knows this..It relects in her actions and believe me I know what I am saying....Each of the men who proposed to me had a soul, but they did not wake up mine....You are older and your new man is older and your thinkings are different than youth...I am not saying that a woman has to be reed thin but men are men and they just are not going to go looking for her inner beauty and being 75 pounds overweight.

                      I know if I was dating now being the woman that I am, I would have to know a man in person and like the way he looked...Looks would probably have an imfluence on me...Darn me for saying this but I am still attractive for my age and I am confident enough in myself as a woman to demand it....

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by CarolineWH View Post
                        CW: You are older so your thoughts are older..I am ancient and my idea's probably reflect it.....BUT when I was younger, my desires, wants and ultimate partner for life.. was going to be who I wanted...I knew I would get what I wanted...A woman who is confident knows this..It relects in her actions and believe me I know what I am saying....Each of the men who proposed to me had a soul, but they did not wake up mine....You are older and your new man is older and your thinkings are different than youth...I am not saying that a woman has to be reed thin but men are men and they just are not going to go looking for her inner beauty and being 75 pounds overweight.

                        I know if I was dating now being the woman that I am, I would have to know a man in person and like the way he looked...Looks would probably have an imfluence on me...Darn me for saying this but I am still attractive for my age and I am confident enough in myself as a woman to demand it....

                        Well, it's scary being "older"...lol...

                        No, i know i did state that he is seeing it from a younger age than me, and i agreed that as such it's that tall blonde that looks great that he wants to see.

                        But as there are all sorts of ages reading this thread, of all shapes and sizes, i was making that stance of the difference between young, almost young ( like me ) ha, middle age and older, as such "dating" may be looked at differently from what a man is looking for. As you state someone "older", may no longer need that tall blonde but has through experience preferred the larger woman's body... So with dating, it does reflect the age group and what at different ages, men look for.

                        I read a post here for instance which said, i preferred her at 220lb's now she is 160lbs and i don't know how old he is but suspect in his late 30's.

                        So yes, in my age group, if a man is divorced, widowed, separated, he has had a few relationships or maybe one fantastic one, that he will not compromise on for the next "long term partner", as he knows what he wants and is prepared to wait. Same, really for me. And, regardless of age, if the (two souls) do not connect with inner beauty, passion then one is not enough.

                        But i am confident at my age, i know what i am after, and remembering it was 6 months before i met this guy. Before that and in fact even today, there are 6 or so lurking around trying to win me over, but i know what i want as well and whether i had a date with those guys, or no date, none of them are what i am after but doesn't stop them trying...

                        Which brings me to that point of my ex-brother-in-law, yep, men are men, as i stated here though, he would not look at her in that fashion because she was over weight but he connected big time. So, he called it "friendship", and they went to movies, dinners, wineries, continuing to call it "friendship", but he had to give in in the end, because it was pointless, he fell for her "inner soul" from day one trust me, but refused to go out with a woman whom did not meet the "criteria" of that that he had in his mind, that outside beauty of weight. And, they live together, bought it out into the open 4 years ago, but she knew all the way along or felt all the way along that she would succeed and all the time felt that they were dating, i assume that they did sleep together early on in the piece as well " as friends" but that is a classic example of a younger generation than me, that "thought" of the outside but fell for the inside and history is well, history.........

                        So i gave a few examples of different ages.

                        But i agree if i go back to the 18/19 and 20's, certainly i walked also with confidence and certainly i was asked for marriage at 19 and again at 21, 25 but did not go there as i knew what i was looking for. Where you may have found, I kept searching as no one was capable of touching my "soul".... So you never know with life then do you?

                        As you know, i will fight for this one, because he has reached the "soul" and we will see...
                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                          Well, it's scary being "older"...lol...

                          No, i know i did state that he is seeing it from a younger age than me, and i agreed that as such it's that tall blonde that looks great that he wants to see.

                          But as there are all sorts of ages reading this thread, of all shapes and sizes, i was making that stance of the difference between young, almost young ( like me ) ha, middle age and older, as such "dating" may be looked at differently from what a man is looking for. As you state someone "older", may no longer need that tall blonde but has through experience preferred the larger woman's body... So with dating, it does reflect the age group and what at different ages, men look for.

                          I read a post here for instance which said, i preferred her at 220lb's now she is 160lbs and i don't know how old he is but suspect in his late 30's.

                          So yes, in my age group, if a man is divorced, widowed, separated, he has had a few relationships or maybe one fantastic one, that he will not compromise on for the next "long term partner", as he knows what he wants and is prepared to wait. Same, really for me. And, regardless of age, if the (two souls) do not connect with inner beauty, passion then one is not enough.

                          But i am confident at my age, i know what i am after, and remembering it was 6 months before i met this guy. Before that and in fact even today, there are 6 or so lurking around trying to win me over, but i know what i want as well and whether i had a date with those guys, or no date, none of them are what i am after but doesn't stop them trying...

                          Which brings me to that point of my ex-brother-in-law, yep, men are men, as i stated here though, he would not look at her in that fashion because she was over weight but he connected big time. So, he called it "friendship", and they went to movies, dinners, wineries, continuing to call it "friendship", but he had to give in in the end, because it was pointless, he fell for her "inner soul" from day one trust me, but refused to go out with a woman whom did not meet the "criteria" of that that he had in his mind, that outside beauty of weight. And, they live together, bought it out into the open 4 years ago, but she knew all the way along or felt all the way along that she would succeed and all the time felt that they were dating, i assume that they did sleep together early on in the piece as well " as friends" but that is a classic example of a younger generation than me, that "thought" of the outside but fell for the inside and history is well, history.........

                          So i gave a few examples of different ages.

                          But i agree if i go back to the 18/19 and 20's, certainly i walked also with confidence and certainly i was asked for marriage at 19 and again at 21, 25 but did not go there as i knew what i was looking for. Where you may have found, I kept searching as no one was capable of touching my "soul".... So you never know with life then do you?

                          As you know, i will fight for this one, because he has reached the "soul" and we will see...
                          But this is youth talking and you are just slightly older than youth....When you are in love the years accept the weight and all the aging becomes part of life...Your lover has captured your soul and you his, he no longer notices the weight and beauty never dies. What this same man was attracted to when he was young, he forgets. For his lover looks the same to him even after all these years.

                          I will never know another man in my life. You and I both have found our soul mate. When the OP talked about what he wants and seeks, I saw a relection of youth and who I was and age became a place that was forgotten...But the memories of all my yesterday's appeared and they were good...

                          So our young man is seeking his own "woman of his dreams"....But then CW, how many of them are around like you and I???? He just may have to travel far and wide in search for another like us........Take care, Caroline

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by CarolineWH View Post
                            But this is youth talking and you are just slightly older than youth....When you are in love the years accept the weight and all the aging becomes part of life...Your lover has captured your soul and you his, he no longer notices the weight and beauty never dies. What this same man was attracted to when he was young, he forgets. For his lover looks the same to him even after all these years.

                            I will never know another man in my life. You and I both have found our soul mate. When the OP talked about what he wants and seeks, I saw a relection of youth and who I was and age became a place that was forgotten...But the memories of all my yesterday's appeared and they were good...

                            So our young man is seeking his own "woman of his dreams"....But then CW, how many of them are around like you and I???? He just may have to travel far and wide in search for another like us........Take care, Caroline

                            Beautifully said... CW
                            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                            Comment


                            • sorry i just read the first thread and it made me mad....... women and what we have been through in general with men in history.... its just a topic that gets my blood boiling. i dont mean to offend anyone.
                              Bubbles

                              Comment

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