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  • jns
    Assistant Admin
    • Mar 2010
    • 8398

    Originally posted by Naiwen

    I found him out myself. Saw him with a minor with my own eyes. I know they're in a mutually exclusive relationship.
    Is the age difference great enough that having sex would be considered rape due to age of consent laws in the location that you are at?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment

    • atskitty2
      Assistant Admin
      • Aug 2013
      • 4467

      Jns, she has already declined to reveal ages.

      How old are you naiwen?

      My first piece of advice is to go to the boyfriend.
      What is your objective here in this situation?

      Comment

      • Naiwen
        Member
        • Aug 2017
        • 37

        Originally posted by atskitty2
        Jns, she has already declined to reveal ages.

        How old are you naiwen?

        My first piece of advice is to go to the boyfriend.
        What is your objective here in this situation?
        I'm 29 and she's older than me, but the one he's with seemed a little young to be a fully grown adult. I think she might be 15-16. So yeah, if he had sex with her, it could send him to jail. Branding him as a ephebophile.

        Comment

        • atskitty2
          Assistant Admin
          • Aug 2013
          • 4467

          Leaves us to assume he also is 25+.
          I presume also that you've met him, know him fairly well since you recognized him from, I assume, some distance, in public, (I assume) being affectionate with a possibly underage girl.
          And this is in the US?

          I still recommend first you speak with him. Tell him what you saw, and give him a chance to explain if this was something you've misconstrued or not. If it was, indeed, what you think it was, then explain that if he doesn't confess to your friend, that you will share your observations with her, and she can then make choices for herself.

          Why are you reluctant to take that route? What is it that you're trying to accomplish here? Are you hoping they break up, or that he's exposed? Making an accusation like this is very serious, and you need to be sure. The cheating is one thing, but to suggest he's involved with someone under age, is a serious thing, and not to be taken lightly.
          Regardless, it's very likely that, what you want may happen, and a whole lot of what you may not want to happen.

          It's very difficult for me, with so little information provided, to give a really detailed, thoughtful response. I'd like to help, there just isn't quite enough here to put together a picture of what's really going on.

          Comment

          • Naiwen
            Member
            • Aug 2017
            • 37

            Originally posted by atskitty2
            Leaves us to assume he also is 25+.
            I presume also that you've met him, know him fairly well since you recognized him from, I assume, some distance, in public, (I assume) being affectionate with a possibly underage girl.
            And this is in the US?

            I still recommend first you speak with him. Tell him what you saw, and give him a chance to explain if this was something you've misconstrued or not. If it was, indeed, what you think it was, then explain that if he doesn't confess to your friend, that you will share your observations with her, and she can then make choices for herself.

            Why are you reluctant to take that route? What is it that you're trying to accomplish here? Are you hoping they break up, or that he's exposed? Making an accusation like this is very serious, and you need to be sure. The cheating is one thing, but to suggest he's involved with someone under age, is a serious thing, and not to be taken lightly.
            Regardless, it's very likely that, what you want may happen, and a whole lot of what you may not want to happen.

            It's very difficult for me, with so little information provided, to give a really detailed, thoughtful response. I'd like to help, there just isn't quite enough here to put together a picture of what's really going on.
            No, in Canada, and here the legal age of consent for anything is 18+. My goal is for her to see what he's doing to her by herself. I'm a little clearer now on what I want to do. Because I don't want to hurt her or her bf, (I've hung out with him a few times, yeah!). I don't want her bf to tell her I've been accusing him and lies about what I saw. But yeah, I gotta get evidence on the other girl's age, before confronting either (my friend or her bf). I don't want to threaten him (as it could cause me trouble with the law)! I want to subtly make her see what I saw. Is there any way I can do this? As in, I'm not the one accusing anyone of anything, but making her see for herself. I don't want to be active, I'd like to stay passive and observe more.

            Comment

            • atskitty2
              Assistant Admin
              • Aug 2013
              • 4467

              Well, if you're going to try to operate a sequence that will reveal his behavior, it's going to take some doing. It may involve stalking and manipulation, amongst other undesirable behaviors.

              Hope you're prepared for the consequences such a scheme may produce.

              If you want to approach it this way, I'm sure I can't be any more help, as I simply don't know enough about the particulars to provide any ideas. I hope it works out for you all.

              Comment

              • Popcorn&Candy
                Veteran Member
                • Jun 2016
                • 1713

                How did you handle the situation in the end? Does your friend know her boyfriend was cheating? [If he was: I can't be 100% sure from here]. Have you kept your friend? If you did tell her, I assume things have ended for her and the boyfriend? I'd be interested to know.

                Comment

                • Naiwen
                  Member
                  • Aug 2017
                  • 37

                  Originally posted by Popcorn&Candy
                  How did you handle the situation in the end? Does your friend know her boyfriend was cheating? [If he was: I can't be 100% sure from here]. Have you kept your friend? If you did tell her, I assume things have ended for her and the boyfriend? I'd be interested to know.
                  I didn't tell her yet. So she still has to find out for herself.

                  Comment

                  • MarthaBell
                    Junior Member
                    • Nov 2017
                    • 5

                    This is very hard. And I've been there. I know what you feel. You really need to reveal it. Otherwise, you will not feel right.

                    I agree that it is better to talk to him. All your conspiracy can give very unpleasant results. Playing spies if fun. But does it worth your friendship?

                    Talk to him and be sincere. Ask him to talk to his gf. It's between them. So they must be in charge of it. Don't take their karma.

                    Take care. Good luck to you!

                    Comment

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