[Jack101]

Hey,

First of all i m a male and well i really need your help :P

I am a 20 year old student who realllllyyy has a thing for older women(over 30). Sorry for a long post but please read it

I followed her on instagram(not sure how i found her tbh), we started chatting after a while but i wasnt pushy. I never expected to take her out or to have something with her, we were chatting just for fun. After few weeks things started serious, we started chatting on my view on women and what do i want from her. FIrst of all, she is really hot and a gym freak(being myself a gym freak you can see why that turned me on), but besides her looks, she is so cool, she is so pleasent(spell) and i really liked texting with her. And again, after a while things started getting more serious, we started talking about sex, she started sending me her nudes saying some pervy stuff. As a 20 year old guy i got really turned on and well expected something to happen between us. Eventually we went on a "date" and to be honest i just dont know what happened. I ve been with older women and i really never act the way i did with her. You can say i didnt act like a young man who wishes to be in a relationship or have sex with her, i acted like a kid in my opinion. On our date, we talked about everything, why do i like women, what do i want with her etc. She did say some nice things about me(like i m attractive, i m a cool person etc) but she did say some negative(in my mind negative). She told me i was weak with women and well i was easy to handle, she even told me i was frightiend(spell) of her because i wasnt looking at her eyes all the time. The date was finished and we said goodbye, few hrs later i texted her asking will i see you again. There she started laughing and asked me what do i think. In the end she told me i am a cute guy but she cant picture herself in a relationship with me nor have sex with me(because she isnt doing casual sex). I would really be fine with that but the thing that hurts me was when she said she prefers more "dominant" guys. And to be honest i understand her, i didnt act like a man, i was acting like a kid ffs.

So my question is, how can i change her view on me? Has my ship sailed away?


I m not sure will this be helpfull to you but listen to this.. She is full of herself, when we talked about casual sex she told me she can have anyone she wants, why should she be with me? On which i replied i can be with a hotter woman than her. There she was in shock, like oh really? One more thing, when we were chatting(before bringing sexual "tension"), she told me clearly she doesnt want to have anything with me besides being friends. I was really okay with that and i ve chilled. But then she started texting me, she started calling me some names like "sweety", "honey" etc, for ffs she started talking about sex and she started sending nudes. When i brought this up at our so called date, when i asked her why are you doing that if you clearly dont want to have something with me, her response was "i wanted to send it in that moment, i m very open".

And again sorry for a long post

[atskitty2]

Your post isn't that long, no worries. Welcome to our community, thanks for stopping by! I think you'll get some useful feedback from men and women here.

She's playing you my dear. Leave her alone and move on. It's just that simple. She was intrigued and wanted to see what you were all about, and you didn't make the cut. There's no changing her mind. Now you're a convenient occasional ego charge for her.

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it's my thoughts based on your info. She told you pretty clearly and you're really only adding fuel to her fire by continuing to acknowledge her. Slink away with what's remaining of your self respect and find another older hottie to chase.

[Jack101]

Your post isn't that long, no worries. Welcome to our community, thanks for stopping by! I think you'll get some useful feedback from men and women here.

She's playing you my dear. Leave her alone and move on. It's just that simple. She was intrigued and wanted to see what you were all about, and you didn't make the cut. There's no changing her mind. Now you're a convenient occasional ego charge for her.

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it's my thoughts based on your info. She told you pretty clearly and you're really only adding fuel to her fire by continuing to acknowledge her. Slink away with what's remaining of your self respect and find another older hottie to chase.

Yeah i thought she was playing me
Just one thing i really dont understand, what did she gained from me? She turned me on and then ****ed(sorry for cursing) me off. I mean besides boosting her ego, what the hell did she gained?

[atskitty2]

What more did she need to gain from it?
Why would you think that isn't enough motivation?
She likely has low self esteem and needs to boost it in the most convenient ways, usually unhealthy and at the expense of others.

She gets a charge from having men want her and rejecting them, even being a little rude about it, and laughing at your foolishness (in her perspective) and weakness.

You're trying to rationalize something that you can't make rational. She was at least forthcoming with her thoughts and feelings, and didn't string you along and use you any further.

Guys do this often to women, also. It's just a game people play. You'll learn from it, and hopefully part of the lesson is to not treat anyone else so shabbily.

Remain friends if you want, just reign in the manipulation and hold she has on you. Odds are, if you do, she'll vanish, as you no longer serve a purpose for her. Or occasionally they'll give chase for awhile, for the challenge and prospect, but I doubt it.

Chalk it up to a fun experience and move on

[Ashlee T.]

Kitty is right. This one is just having some fun with you for an ego boost. She knows how badly you're into her.

I'm in my thirties and dating a guy in his early twenties. There is a big difference in our life experience, but in many ways he is very mature for his age. If he acted like a kid it would be a big turn off. Keep that in mind on future dates.

[Jack101]

I understand
What would your advice be if somehow she texts me?

[Jack101]

But one thing i dont understand, why did i act like a kid? I mean dont get me wrong, i do admit it, i somehow did feel that but why?
I am not a shy person at all, this isnt my first time being on a "date" with an older women. I was very talkable(if thats the word)and openable(spell) with her, i even talked more for ffs. But why did i feel like a little kid in front of her? Why?

[Ashlee T.]

You were super into her. It's like being at a job interview for a job you really want. Sometimes you nail it and other times you ramble on until they think you're a blithering idiot. :-D

If she's an alpha female, very confident, they can be very intimidating and also have very high expectations. That ironically also increases their sex appeal to men while also making them more difficult to attain.

Obviously, if you acted unlike yourself it is because you were nervous and intimidated. Don't sweat it. It doesn't sound like she's a super awesome catch anyhow.

[Jack101]

You were super into her. It's like being at a job interview for a job you really want. Sometimes you nail it and other times you ramble on until they think you're a blithering idiot. :-D

If she's an alpha female, very confident, they can be very intimidating and also have very high expectations. That ironically also increases their sex appeal to men while also making them more difficult to attain.

Obviously, if you acted unlike yourself it is because you were nervous and intimidated. Don't sweat it. It doesn't sound like she's a super awesome catch anyhow.

**** you re good at explaining
And yes, she is quite an alpha female like you say. And yeah, she isnt that "super" in person. When we were texting, sure i was really turned on when she started about sex etc but i really liked to text with her about some other stuff, even when she called me some names, it really sounds pleasing. She was a really cool person through texts. In person, not so much to be honest.

[amy40]

She was a really cool person through texts. .

everybody likes the validation

getting texts or likes on FB (if you're on FB) feeds people's egos
makes people feel like they matter

I know someone that would get upset if they liked someone's FB posts but didn't get likes back from them
texting/social media/cell phones can become addicting

could it have been anybody on the other end of the texts? or was it her in particular?