[amy40]

I thought I'd be better at listening to my gut as I got older, but I'm just not even sure any more what's my good sense and what's this skepticism...

kitty, I looked up your personality type and you're "the scientist"
so when it comes to dating don't think you operate from your gut

I just went out on dates and had fun
I didn't have a plan but just came home and wrote down where we went on my calendar, that's it

you're scientific and follow your "scientific method" when it comes to life and dating
but with INTJs re dating, the human nature might be left out of the equation

[atskitty2]

I don't think I approach with quite the same methodical rhythm as you're suggesting, but it's possible. In my former career, so much of the scientist in me was used up, exhausted, maybe I'm just transferring that into other areas of my life, now that I'm really beginning to miss my work...

Good thought tho... I'm gonna chew on that awhile.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I am a slow mover in a relationship. If the man doesn't like it, I leave it his problem. I fall seldom, but when I do I fall hard. As for society, we are encouraged to be physically passionate: it's all splashed across in the magazines. I think humans have always been physical, though. But there must also be respect: whether male or female. It is OK to be frigid [as an awful word that is] sometimes. No one wants to be passionate 24 hours a day. BUT if a potential partner never tries to kiss his/her date, it does become offensive. If there is no physical contact, it does make you question the other person's attraction for you. Also, attraction can take a while to build. Chemistry it not always quick acting. Sometimes your most wonderful lover is the one that started a best friend.

[Something_Awesome]

There is over-analyzing going on here IMO. I don't see any explicit red flags. Yeah, maybe he moves slower than some guys. But he could also just be well-composed. I think a lot of this worry has to do with women, in general, wanting to be desired. Most guys have no qualms about expressing their desire. The prob is that a lot of these can guys go overboard and come off as "desperate" or "creepy," and this kills the woman's attraction to the guy.

[atskitty2]

I agree SA. And this post wasn't technically supposed to be about me or this current situationship.

I'm still talking to this guy, tho haven't been able to see each other for awhile, and won't for at least another 10 days.
Everyone tells me, this is trouble...I should be ditching. Maybe they're all right. Maybe I should.

It seems like I'm jaded to what a foundation should be, due to all the crazy romantic history I have...and others who are telling me things. Their cloudy judgement isn't helping me either. I think that says more about them, than what my position should be.
I don't wanna be this person that continues to carry the crap of all the craziness into every potential relationship. This pace is fine with me, why can't I just let it be😊

This is probably too deep a discussion for here...

I'm hanging out. I'm chatting with someone that I enjoy and I'm going to go out with other men as I would normally. Neither he nor I are losing anything by chatting and staying in touch. I'll see him again when we can.

[Something_Awesome]

I agree SA. And this post wasn't technically supposed to be about me or this current situationship.

Yeah, I know

I sometimes post threads because writing my thoughts helps me think. Not sure that was your intention with this thread, but as I was reading the first post I got the vibe that you were sort of thinking as you were going.

I'm hanging out. I'm chatting with someone that I enjoy and I'm going to go out with other men as I would normally. Neither he nor I are losing anything by chatting and staying in touch. I'll see him again when we can.

I agree with this. And this also gives Mr Situationship the chance to pleasantly surprise you. From what I gather, it's only been like two dates.

[atskitty2]

No, we saw each other several times. 5-6x over a couple weeks. Then ... Nothing is working out to get together. He's only been in town 2 of those weeks since tho.

Actually, what I tried to do, with my rambling story, was demonstrate how I think my jaded outlook is influencing my ability to come in, with no negative expectations. And how other people experience that too. My girl friends say it's bad, my guy friends say it's bad...lol. But they really have no reason to back that up for me, just based on their history. My girl friends say their experiences, my guy friends tell me the men's perspective...

I think he's hiding something. I think it's health issues, at this point. I have no reason to think he's married or anything serious. I asked him some hard questions, he was pretty open with me, as appropriate for the time we had known each other.

So, that's the deal with me.

SA, you need to catch us up with your life soon!