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Stay positive? What do you think?

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  • Stay positive? What do you think?

    Greetings, people of WH..
    As you may recall, I once posted a thread about my boyfriend and how amazing we were. Well, recently, he's been so stressed out with many things. One of his back bones is leaking bone barrow or something, for that reason he can't run anymore [He is the varsity captain of his Cross Country team] He was offered a huge scholarship for running, plus they'd pay books for 2 years.. But since he can't run, they might not give him the scholarship at all. Then he feels he let his team down. There's problems among his family, friends, classes, etc.

    Two days ago he broke up with me.. It completely broke my heart, but I can kinda see why he did it. I cried a lot, I do do every once in a while. After it happened, I went on a long drive 'cause it calms me down, I love driving. Then somehow I ended up in my church. I went in, and it just so happened to be confessions that day [Catholic] So I went in and confessed. Then I started crying. Priest asked me what's up and I told him everything. He gave me my penitence and I followed through with it.

    I still talk to him. We're friends, we don't hold any grudges. I did cry in front of him when he did it, he apolgized for hurting me, said it's the last thing he wanted to do. Now my question is; should I keep acting happy and cheerful around him? It's what I've been doing. I believe that if I get all depressed around him, he'll be even more pressured and would never want to take me back cause all I'd be doing is sinking him even more. I do want him back. And I know there's a chance perhaps as soon as school is over. My smile and cheerful, positive attitude is what originally attracted him to me. I'm wondering if this idea will work. I know people that go even psycho to try to get the guy back, but that only pushes him away and might even make him hate the girl.

    I want to know if anyone's even tried this, or guys, how would you feel if you were in his situation and the girl kept acting all sweet in a good mood and everything? At the same time, I don't want him to think I'm already over him and moved on.. Cause I haven't. That's why I'm debating... Please help?

    Love.
    -[[MissGoddess]]-

  • I think absense makes the heart grow fonder.

    He has issues himself to sort out by himself, obviously and needs that space to do so. You may be in the acquation purely because everything sucks to him at the moment.

    Personally, being cheerful when your not is deceiving yourself, really, isn't it, so why do that.

    Crying in front of him on-going is not going to assist you either, for sure.

    So, i would ease up on the amount of times he sees you so that he realises your not there, where you have always been, give him time to think if he misses you and your not part of the problems he is having.

    You need to do this for yourself just as much....

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • Yeah.. I don't see him as much, though. Actually I haven't seen him since it happened, but I have talked to him on the phone a couple of times. He called once to see how I was holding up. Then I called today to see how he was feeling [I heard he had a stomach virus]
      And I absolutely hate crying [who doesn't?] so when I'm cheerful, not only am I making him see my bright side, but smiling also makes one feel good. Go on, try smiling right now, it feels good, doesn't it? Even if you don't know what you're smiling about. Then again, I don't smile just for the heck of it. I also try to think good happy thoughts. Like.. We're still friends; it wasn't a nasty, hateful break up, and the best, there might still be another chance.
      Also, being active helps. Today was mmy day off from work and I didn't want to sit at home doing nothing, cause then I'd start to dwell on it again.. So I went out, did a bit of grocery shopping by myself, went and got gas, went to the gym, got a haircut, etc. Last night I treated myself to getting my nails done and a spa. It was nice, and it took my mind off it a little.
      Space.. I'm giving it to him. I've been giving it to him, cause I knew he needed it. He didn't have to ask for it, I could just read it off of him.
      Myself; I'm fine doing it. It makes me feel good.
      I'm just wondering what he will think. "Oh she is so strong.. Cheering up to make me feel better" or "wow I can't believe she is already over it.." Should I let him know I miss him, or should I go without communicating with him for a day or two.. Then when I finally do, act and feel good about myself?

      Thanks for the help, btw!
      -[[MissGoddess]]-

      Comment


      • Good on ya!

        Yep, i smiled cause you asked me to and yep, it felt good... Thanks...

        Tough i know, your a very strong person though i must say...

        You know him better than us.. I always think though that guys hate it when they "don't have", more so than knowing that they do...

        Your also correct, worse scenario, it wasn't a bad break up and a good relationship, they are nice to carry through with our lives.

        I'd be a bit allusive and certainly wait for him to make the next contact but that's me.

        CW
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • You will be okay

          A lot of times since men are not as expressive as women, they lash out, and since you are/were one of the closests people around him you felt the brunt of the lashing. I would not appear phonily (is that a word?) happy when you are not feeling that way. Be yourself. If you feel like you can call him maybe once a week or however you feel and let him know that you are thinking about him.
          His world is turned upside down right now, and he is sorting things out. I am sure he was counting on that scholarship to build a better life for himself. I am sure he felt the same way about you that you did about him. I am sure that he felt that earning a scholarship would in turn help him earn a degree, and he could have the wedding, and the house with the picket fence. And, yes I am sure that you were part of that hopeful future he was planning. But, right now he is hurting, his whole world is turned upside down, and because he want(s),(ed) to take care of you he is very hurt....he is a man.....they dont express themselves all the time well. He is probably angry, questioning his faith, doubtful of the future, etc..... Be as supportive as you can. If he does not pick up the phone, leave a nice message anyway! And do not be phony. Men hate phony. Besides, he is not in a cheeful mood right now, so acting all cheerful trying to gloss over a "situation" might not be the right way to carry on in front of him. Yes, keep yourself busy, yes keep it moving, yes be nice, and yes realize that you are hurting as well, I am sure that you had thoughts about the future with this guy so give yourself time to heal. Don't let anyone man or woman get so wrapped up that you lose sense of self. You will get through this and hopefully through prayer, you two will get together and he will come to his senses. If he doesnt then be a supportive friend, keep it moving, and know that Jesus is still here! Peace and Blessings, minihaha

          Comment


          • I think you are doing a great job. Treating yourself and keeping your chin up.
            Should you show him that you're hurting? I'm sure that there are little things that show him your hurt. I don't know how you can stand to be around him, though.
            What I would do (which may be a far cry from what you want to do, so weigh it carefully) would be to stay away from him, more or less. Not to the point of awkwardness, but just find members of my friend group who aren't with him to hang out with. It's hard after a break-up, especially with this back problem messing with his self-perception.
            People change after high school. The couples who stay together, they are just changing together, and it's really hard to do that. Don't count on getting back together just because the breakup was civil; if you do get back together, don't count on being "together forever." It's a tough truth.
            Good luck to you
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            Comment


            • I'm scared. I want him back, and I know it's possible.
              Oh! He invited my family and I to his graduation.. I don't know what to get him.. And I don't know what would be appropriate and stuff.. Man this sucks.. I miss him tons.. I feel like a bi-polar person right now [I'm not, I just feel like one] One moment I'm happy, the next I'm a wreck. Then I'm happy again.. Then a wreck..........
              -[[MissGoddess]]-

              Comment


              • Originally posted by MissGoddess View Post
                I'm scared. I want him back, and I know it's possible.
                Oh! He invited my family and I to his graduation.. I don't know what to get him.. And I don't know what would be appropriate and stuff.. Man this sucks.. I miss him tons.. I feel like a bi-polar person right now [I'm not, I just feel like one] One moment I'm happy, the next I'm a wreck. Then I'm happy again.. Then a wreck..........
                Darl, your being strong, then as women do, emotional, then saying right then i can be strong, then being emotional...

                It is NORMAL< absolutely, your still a strong character, evident for what you post ok...

                Graduation ok... do you have a picture of him? Get a character drawing of him in a cape and hat drawn up, he'll love it.

                There is at least respect there, not hatred otherwise you and your family would not be invited.

                He may be going through a real tough time remember the previous posts.

                I do have a saying " set them free if they come back they are yours if they don't they never were"...

                Give him the space, be involved as he is involving you and take 10 deep breaths every time your hurting okay...

                Rome was not build in a day...

                And there is someone better around the corner only sometimes, we miss the turn waiting and waiting.

                Just take a bit of time and see where it heads for now.

                Baby steps.....

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • The character drawing seems like a good idea. I might draw it myself [I draw]
                  Thanks for that.
                  And as all girls, I will be stubborn. I refuse to let it go.
                  Yes, I'm giving him his space.. But I can't let him go..
                  Making sense? Oh I'm so sad :[
                  -[[MissGoddess]]-

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by MissGoddess View Post
                    The character drawing seems like a good idea. I might draw it myself [I draw]
                    Thanks for that.
                    And as all girls, I will be stubborn. I refuse to let it go.
                    Yes, I'm giving him his space.. But I can't let him go..
                    Making sense? Oh I'm so sad :[

                    Yep, your stubborn and now mad..... Before you were sad......

                    See us woman have a whole bunch of emotions to contend with and i am sure you will go through lots of them, changing each one, and back again for the time being.

                    As i said, take 10 breathes, your making sense.

                    Good if you can draw, even more special hey.

                    CW
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • Still down, and more depressed than ever before.
                      Breaking down RANDOMLY everyday.
                      It's so random, it'll scare you; At work, at home, at friends' houses, at the mall, in bed [sometimes wake up in the middle of the night just crying.. Then fall asleep, still crying], in the shower, driving, etc.. It's totally random.. I can't stand it! As of today I promised myself not to communicate with him whatsoever.. I hope that helps both of us..

                      Sorry.. I needed to vent :\
                      -[[MissGoddess]]-

                      Comment


                      • Keep It Going

                        I think you're doing a great job as well.
                        It definitely hurts not benig able to "have" the guy you care about so much!
                        I certainly have never been in a situation like you, as far as the guy's circumstance, but my ex was attracted to my happiness, smile, bubbly mood, and laid-back attitude as well. The girl I was "competing" with at the time for him, was very moody and dark, never had a smile on her face, & basically always looked like someone just died. So my goal was always to be in the best mood I could possibly be around him and never bring him down like I know this other girl did. Which this was not hard because being around him always put me in a good mood whether I liked it or not anyway The kid turned out to be hopeless in general, which is why he is now my ex, ha, but I certainly care about him a whole lot, and we're still friends, and I know I kept/keep him around as long as I have because I am just such a joy to be around Haha, no just kidding. But I feel as though I'm somewhat an escape for him, he doesn't have to worry about his excessive drama and all the other problems and whatnot he has with his life when he's with me, and even though we're not exclusive anymore he still seems to be drawn to me for some reason, and I think this is why.

                        As for your situation, I think it's a very wise choice to give him his space, and I would also HIGHLY recommend to keep going being in your good moods and all that. After all, he's made it clear that's something he finds really attractive in you. I don't think he'll see it as you moving on and not caring about him; however, I would make your feelings very clear to him, and be very motherly (a guy is like a big baby :P and loves to be "mothered") to him through these hard times, make sure he knows you're there for him and do little things to let him know you are still interested, without coming on too strong. Basically play both the friend and gf thing equally, so he knows you will be there for him if he just wants to be friends, but you are also still interested in being more. Guys who are as into their sports as he seems to be are so serious about it and its extremely important to them, as I'm sure you know, so this has got to be really tough for him. Even if he doesn't want to be your bf right now for whatever reason, if you are there for him during this and he realizes how good you've been to him without expecting anything in return, the attraction could start all over again when his mind clears (not saying it ever left or that he doesn't like you anymore, but I mean this as in as far as him wanting to get back together).

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by MissGoddess View Post
                          Still down, and more depressed than ever before.
                          Breaking down RANDOMLY everyday.
                          It's so random, it'll scare you; At work, at home, at friends' houses, at the mall, in bed [sometimes wake up in the middle of the night just crying.. Then fall asleep, still crying], in the shower, driving, etc.. It's totally random.. I can't stand it! As of today I promised myself not to communicate with him whatsoever.. I hope that helps both of us..

                          Sorry.. I needed to vent :\
                          You may need your own personal space as well for a bit, just to stand tall again....

                          Breaking hearts take longer to heal than any other wound....


                          As the poster above said, never say never, but walk with no expectations, absolutely none and think happy thoughts, ...

                          Remember, that smile? Keep smiling....

                          x

                          CW
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                          Comment


                          • Alright, time for the update.

                            I haven't seen him in a month. Haven't talked to him much either. Well I did call him two days ago, but only to tell him about my doctor's visit since thanks to him and his constant begging for me to go to the doctor, they found "something" in my right breast, but they didn'thave the proper things for a mammogram there but they scheduled me to go get one in a week or so. ANYWAY. I told him they found something, etc and we talked about life, work, friends, he talked about some games he got, all that good stuff. Not once did I mention "us" even though I wanted to. Oh and I made the convo short. Perhaps between 5 - 10 minutes? He was really quiet.. But still, we talked, and it was great!

                            The weird thing though, whenever we do talk, he is quiet and I get the vibe that he doesn't want to talk or something.. But We have plenty of mutual friends who have been keeping me informed on a couple of things. [[No, I don't ask them to.. They just come and say "oh guess what he told me!! etc]] I found out he misses me. He's even cried a couple of times. He posted something once about "i confess i still want to be with "you", I care for "you", I want "you" to be happy" all that good stuff. And then in that same thing he wrote, he was thanking "you" for having made him as happy and having changed him for good and he couldn't be more thankful. He never did mention who "you" is though, but.. Come on, put two and two together. I KNOW there isnt someone else. If anything, I know him better than anyone else, so I know he's just down and trying to get over me, but I dont know why. He said I didnt do anything wrong and im a great person so.. I don't know exactly what he's doing or why he's doing it. For now all I can do is keep waiting. Oh one of these days there's gonna be a concert around here that I told him about. I'm going and he said he said he's going as well [we're not riding together] so that's when I'm gonna see him next. Wish me luck!! :]


                            So.. That's the update.. We'll see where things take us.
                            -[[MissGoddess]]-

                            Comment


                            • Men always want what they can't have! LOL My fiance tells me that all the time.

                              I don't know why this guy would push you away other than MAYBE he's thinking that with the spinal problem and such, if he pushes you away NOW, then you'll hurt less later. By that I mean, with all his problems, he's probably got it in his head that it's only going to be tough for you if things don't get better. He may be, in his mind, trying to spare you future pain by pushing you away in hopes that you will find someone else who has less troubles. That's the only reasoning that I can think of. I could be wrong (its been known to happen a time or two!) but like the others have said, both of you need some space. You are doing better than I would be at keeping your distance though! I commend you for being so strong...and the little breakdowns are normal and, as long as it's not causing you to lose a job or something, healthy as well. I say, keep on believing in him, continue to put distance between you, and continue to be his friend....BUT at some point you need to try to open your mind to the possibility that it ISN'T going to happen and TRY to entertain the idea of seeing other people. Who knows, maybe the thought/site of you with someone else will make him realize how much he still cares. In the meantime though, stay strong dear! And like she said earlier, if you love something, set it free.........

                              Comment

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