[OG612]

You're with a guy for one year and three months. He's not telling you that he loves you because "it would be a lie." I'm guessing, from the way you've written this, that this is an intimate relationship.

The blunt reality is that he is not who you're supposed to be with. You don't have to have a "Come to Jesus" talk with him, but let him know what you're wants and needs are for a relationship with him. If he's not able to do that for you, as I'm sure you're doing everything you can to satisfy him, then you'll need to break it off, take some time for yourself (ie get pampered) before getting back out there.

OG

[Fire(m)]

I agree with several others here that say "this is not the guy for you".

I have 2 blunt questions for you. What makes you think that you don't deserve more than what this guy has to offer? Why don't you value your "self" more than that? I don't say this to be rude, just to point something out to you that "could" be a possibility. I think you may be selling yourself short.

What bugs me about this guy is that he wants you to "love him" and all, but he only sees that as a one way street. That tells me you're nothing to him other than a convenient ego-booster.

You sound like a great girl. Really nice, sweet, the sort of "do anything for my man" kind of girl. You are awesome. Don't settle for some guy who's only out to boost his ego on you. Because you're writing in to us, I know YOU know something is wrong here. Well, it's not YOU ok? It's HIM. Do yourself a favor and take a walk out of his life. I've known of a few situations with guys like this in the past and I've never known of it to work out great for the girl.

Good luck. You are a nice girl and you deserve more than that.
Cheers.

[silvertae]

silvertae, I have to respectfully diagree...

His feelings are a direct result of her behaviour, whatever that may be.

For things to change you have to be willing to change the way you interact in a relationship otherwise don't even bother being in it.

Call it what you will, but at the end of the day anything she does is then classified as
"playing games" because it is not how she usually handles the relation****. Might be more helpful to view it as improvement rather than manipulation.

I disagree that his feelings must be a direct result of her behaviour. That's simply not always the way human feelings work. When a woman is abused by her partner but continues to love him, are her feelings of love a result of his abusive behaviour? I think not. (I'm not saying the poster is abused, just making a point).

If the poster were being manipulative, abusive, nagging, suffocating, etc to her boyfriend, I could understand you saying that his lack of love for her were a result of her actions. But I didn't get any sense of that from her post. It seems she's merely attempting to be a loving, supporting girlfriend and I think it's completely illogical to suggest that she change to a more distant, standoffish behaviour pattern in order to engender feelings of love in him. That's just not the right way to make someone love you. They should love you for the good they see in you, how much they enjoy spending time with you, etc. Not because you've acted contrary to your nature in order to get them. Plus, the boyfriend admits all the things he likes about her and how wonderful she is. It seems he just doesn't have any passion for her. That's probably what's missing the most.

I shower my boyfriend with hugs and kisses and make him feel loved. He does the same for me. If I had to change my affectionate ways in order to try and make him miss me and see me as a challenge, that would be a fundamental incompatibility between us and would indicate we weren't right for each other.

Btw, would you PM me with the forum you tried to reference? I didn't see it before it was removed from your post and I'd like to check it out.

Btw, would you PM me with the forum you tried to reference? I didn't see it before it was removed from your post and I'd like to check it out.

Nevermind, I saw it in one of your other posts and all I can do is LOL.

[Livelaughlove]

I'm I just being impatient?.

Yes you are.

Is there something I'm doing wrong?

By the sound of it i think your doing allot of right things. You said you've been going out for a few months now, its normal for two people that find each other attractive to feel like there is some sort of bond being created (Love). For women its easier to fall in love, because women naturally seek a sense of security and passion.

Why did he even bother asking if I loved him if he couldn't say it back?

I believe he asked you because he was wondering himself if he was starting to fall in love with you. By you saying you are in love with him i believe you set to rest a thought of "Maybe she doesn't love me."

Its a much safer statement then saying "I love you hugsnkisses" and hoping that your going to reply back "I love you too."

He may have a fear of commitment. You said he was hurt before. Some men take rejection very hard and it does effect our ego tremendously.

I believe actions speak louder then words. Does it really mater if he says loves you oppose to showing you that he loves you. Naturally words are imperfect symbols.

I wanted to keep those feelings to myself until it was the right time to say it. When he asked me... I really thought he'd say it back.

Don't we all. A fear of rejection is what stops many couples from telling the other how they feel.

You shouldn't be soo outcome dependant.

Just know from my own personal experience that its much more rewarding letting your love know how you feel. One in particular I loved her more then life itself however i never got the chance to tell her. She passed away and i will never be able to tell her.

However, A common mistake both men and women have is confessing there feelings to soon. I don't think that is the case here.

Hope this helps
Live laugh and love

[Rapid'87]

Nevermind, I saw it in one of your other posts and all I can do is LOL.

You would hah

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I hope this threader returns to reply seeing as she posted early July, some good advice here.

CW

[OG612]

Thanks, CW. I do what I can.

OG