[rcoreyus]

First, sorry I thought this was a troll - I hadn't checked for other posts from that poster.

But - I'll still say that I don't think hitting someone in anger is ever appropriate. I don't think gender changes things. I've read (sorry, don't remember the source) that men are fairly frequently injured in domestic violence - but that they rarely report it (sort of like women and rape), and that the injuries are because women more frequently use weapons. (frying pan, shoe, etc).

The problem with violence is where does it stop. If the victim doesn't hit back, the assaults may continue. If the victim does hit back, the original attacker may hit harder, or with a weapon.

Hitting someone who cannot hit back is bullying. It doesn't matter if they won't hit because they are physically weak, financially independent, or bound by social customs.

I understand sudden anger (as does the law), and it reduces the crime, but doesn't eliminate it. As civilized human beings we are expected to control our sudden violent impulses.

So, no hitting, ever. If you have hit before: stop. If you can't stop yourself, leave. (please)

My advice to anyone (of either gender) who has been hit is to leave. Immediately, and if there was injury maybe press charges. What other advice could there be.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He says its not his fault because I hit him first, when I'm getting ticked off I do sometimes tell him to stop or that I am getting mad so he would leave me alone but he doesnt.

Question mark, question mark,question mark?

Let's bait shall we? Lets say stop? But know that she can't, let's bait and bait, and bait until she does BUT HE DOESN'T AND HIT'S ME BACK?

See something there?

Emotional blackmail... Abuse... It's your fault?

Is it?

CW

[Phoebee]

I think this is another deal breaker for me. When a relationship breaks down enough that either of you feel the need to beat on each other be adult and call it quits. If you have kids they do NOT need to see mom and dad settle arguments this way. Violence is so often generational.

If nothing else seek help. Talk to a therapist and get some anger issues worked out.

[desert spirit]

No decent man would ever, ever, ever, ever, ever strike a woman in anger. Not ever, ever.

It has nothing to do with who hit who first. Would you hit a child back, just because he "hit you first"? The difference in size and strength makes all the difference here, not to mention the immaturity of escalating the situation.

That said, why are you hitting him? To me, it's not much of a leap to go from hitting him with your fist to hitting him with an object. The pattern of violence and inability to control your anger is the key point. That's what you need to deal with, in my opinion.

[sTyLeRock]

lol

reminds me of a time,

There was this one girl at a club who was really ****ing me off, annoying voice, just wouldn;t shut up, rude and almost being abbusive at everything i said.. well i didn't even want to speak to her and she wouldn't leave me alone.

i was just so angry that i walked upto her boyfriend and punched him and he got up and asked why and i said because your girlfriend is ****ing me off and i don't hit girls.

yeah i don't believe in violance in relationship or against women at all.

if anything i just play fight, but i know points that will hurt a little more so just like a pinch on the back or a big bear hug and she'll stop anything

I love my bear hugs. RAWR!

[anonymouswhitefemale]

i was just so angry that i walked upto her boyfriend and punched him and he got up and asked why and i said because your girlfriend is ****ing me off and i don't hit girls.

Wow, you're a twat.

A lot more 'honour' in what you did...

[silvertae]

Wow, you're a twat.

A lot more 'honour' in what you did...

Gonna have to agree.

[WildChild]

Miss Wendi you need to get this kind of response dealt with, what happens if/when you have children? A good counselor can help you learn better ways to communicate and handle anger and frustration. You are engaging in abusive behavior, doesn't matter if it's physical, emotional or verbal, it's a bad thing.

[commonsense]

hey guys thanks for all your response

my boyfriend of 3 years and I have semi violent fights, just like chandlers wish mentioned, i would get really ticked off by him and punch him in the arm or something and vice versa then we'd start fighting back and forth. He says its not his fault because I hit him first, when I'm getting ticked off I do sometimes tell him to stop or that I am getting mad so he would leave me alone but he doesnt.
There has been a couple incident where he hit me first. We are both really short tempered and I know I shouldn't put up with this and get out of the relationship but it's hard. Sometimes i think its my fault our relationship is violent because I started it first.

You both need to stop. Violence usually starts small and later escalates.
You may do something eventually that could seriously hurt someone and land yourselves in jail. Even if you say you didn't mean to do it the courts will still give you time.