[littlegirllost]

Hi again. Since I last wrote, my fiancee was getting better about contacting me. I would talk to him every 3 days or so. Then recently, it was about a week since I heard from him, he promised to call me because I was working on getting money for his Visa for him, because he said he can't do it from his country. I didn't hear from him for almost a week, I left one message saying why haven't you called me.....no response.....second message I said I have a question about your visa, please answer me.....nothing......third message, and I am clearly aggravated at this point.....I say I have the money for your visa but I need to talk to you first, and then I said I am not going to send anymore messages.....he finally replied.....with "I'm so sorry, my father died". I don't know when his father died, it could have been last week. I am really upset that he didn't tell me when it first happened, I am going to be his wife. Then part of me feels guilty for getting impatient with him in my messages. I have since sent him a couple of messages of support...with no response from him and it hurts me. I feel bad that his father died, but why won't he let me comfort him? I have read that in his country when the father dies, the unmarried son takes over the family. He said before that wouldn't happen, his brothers who are married with children can help take care of the family, but I don't know if I believe him now. What if he never talks to me again, how could he be so cruel? He says he loves me more than anything, but I doubt that now too. I really need some advice....PLEASE!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

OMG... Please read the other responses to your initial threads.

I have just read 4 not 1 but 4 "how he didled me of my money" "how he used me to get to my country" I am not joking they are in local magazines about "true life".......

If he didn't answer you until you said" I am not going to send anymore messages" and he didn't say god I am so sorry beautiful how are you? but replied with an excuse?

Truly need I say more...?

I truly think you need to google overseas con artists to migrate to a country or something simular and see if you see everything that he is....

What if he never talks to me again, how could he be so cruel? He says he loves me more than anything, but I doubt that now too.

He will, he has got you exactly where he wants you.. And as such he doesn't need to give you mush, just one word and you will believe him.

Sorry, my opinion.

CW

[littlegirllost]

I feel like such a fool. I appreciate your advice. I don't have a lot of money and he knows that, could it be possible that he does love me, but he's just a rude inconsiderate jerk? Not just trying to get into the country. He says he did spend a lot of money on a visa, but they told him I have to apply for him. I send him presents all the time, and I email him love songs but he never listens to them....he says he's too busy. He did send me a present for my birthday though. He has an account on skype with 236 contacts? That makes me suspicious too. I really hope that I am wrong....

[Little]

I'll say what I said in your last thread: it's easier for a fiancé to get into the US on a visa than a husband. If you apply for his visa for him, you might be signing to be financially responsible for him for TEN YEARS whether you get married, get divorced, whatever you want. This man is treating you like a yo-yo. Is that fair? I don't think it is. But YOU have to decide that. YOU have to be the one who's sure he's using you for a visa, or more imiportantly, ISN'T GOING TO BE THE HUSBAND YOU WANT. Marriage isn't going to magically change him. I suggest you take the money you've saved to get out while you can.

[littlegirllost]

thank you for your advice. My mind knows you are right, but my heart is having a little trouble believing it. I will stop contacting him, and see what he does, if anything.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Little makes a valid point in addition to the "scam" that may be being played out.

If he is too busy at "work" why have 236 people on Skype which is world wide? I just got approached by a 24 year old female to see her naked.. lol..stating it is better than Skype I can see her better. True story and I wrote back and said yeah and pay for it. She never wrote back... she/him/it.

The point I noted from what Little said was "do you even want a husband like that", or do you really just want to be engaged, to be loved, to be needed, to be wanted are you therefore any different from the rest of us? That are single?

He does not ever listen to your love songs?

Read that part again. What part of I miss you I love you and that song reminded me of you I so wish I was there, did you not hear?

I didn't hear a thing other than a penny dropping.

The other point Little makes, is this... You don't have to have money, once you sign that visa it could be a financial responsibility for years regardless if he comes over, then says haha, seeya woman and gets on with his life, driving taxis... You have to pay, what are you going to do? Get 3 jobs?

I know the hardest thing to do is to:-

1) write a thread because there is that woman's intuition in the back of your mind ticking over and you want to be proven wrong.

2) To then actually have people cement your actual thoughts to start with but to try to still deny those thoughts/intuition because you are hoping.

3) To actually listen to that advice/opinions and really take it in and finally say, well, they are right because that is how I feel really deep down inside, he doesn't listen to my songs so no I don't want someone who is never going to be romantic with me, etc, etc, etc,

Re-read all of your threads and responses again....

And, remember, we are all human, we all want it to be "true" and one day, the "true" one actually will be "actual", it WILL happen.

Don't be cut up about it, be smart and follow your own intuition on this, how you truly see it and feel, not with your heart but with your mind.

CW

[WildChild]

Even if you have to apply why do you have to pay? Got any idea what dealing with immigration is like, if you get married? Your life will go under a microscope. Little made some very good points and so does CW. Put your mind ahead of your heart this time.

[littlegirllost]

Thank you. You said it exactly. I have been feeling the same thing you have been saying, but I just keep denying it. I just want to be loved like everyone else, but I don't want a man like that. Now I have to decide whether to tell him it's over and move on with my life or just ignore him like he does to me....if I ever hear from him again that is....I don't even know for sure if I will. He might have decided to move in with his mother and take care of her and not even tell me. Thank you so much for your advice....I know what you are saying is true, and I will listen this time.

[littlegirllost]

Even if you have to apply why do you have to pay? Got any idea what dealing with immigration is like, if you get married? Your life will go under a microscope. Little made some very good points and so does CW. Put your mind ahead of your heart this time.

I have to file for a fiancee visa on his behalf, and it costs $500. He said he tried to apply in Egypt but they won't let him. I got the application, but I don't have the money to send it in, which is a good thing. I have a feeling he's decided to stay in Egypt and care for his mother anyway, it just would be nice if he would tell me.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I'm sorry, I haven't really read all of this.

However, if you don't even know what he's doing, then there is no relationship, and if you send him money you're just being a sucker. Or, if by some chance he did love you, it would be a totally rubbish relationship anyway.