[pictures]

why do femals go back to their X's.
after they cheated, mistreated, lied too, verbally abused, place them in debt.
and yet time passes by and they get back together again.
just seeking a simple answer?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Low self esteme...

Those people you speak of have something about them charisma, charm, treat them bad, but stay with them, so the "woman" feels that she is special, ( reverse physcology) because that "cool dude" is with her, wanted her back, is with her... she can change him, but he's "cool".. NOT.

CW

[someonereal_]

i suspect it to be three things:

1. love. your ability to make the right choices are dulled by this emotion. you know what he does is wrong, and he's not all that good a guy, but you reason out, well, i love him and i am happy with him and i can accept him, faults and all, even if there are times when i get hurt along the way.

2. as CW said, self esteem. some might think..maybe no other man will love me or want to be with me, so might as well settle for someone who does, even if it means getting beaten or cheated on.

there are certainly other reasons, but these two are quite common. i believe it takes a strong woman to stand by her original decision and keep the ex's as ex's.

[WildChild]

May be familiarity, they at least know what to expect. Who knows another man may be even worse. When you get caught in the spiral of poor relationships it can be hard to break.

[Rochellesplace]

I am one of the ones who got back with an Ex

First let me say that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Second I got back with my ex because I wanted to not because of low self esteme but because I loved him. I had gotten my tubes tied a long time ago did not want anymore children and that bothered him but so what my mind was made up. We were good at least I thought until I found another phone number he had but never told me that he had one I called and the female said he told me you guys were not together and blah blah blah so i told her she can have him at the time she had funny feelings about him too his lying we broke up and gotten back together this happened in 12/07 we got back together in 10/08 now he is at it again but with a so called former co worker but this time I gave him the boot cause he lived the 80/20 rule and i see that he did not respect me enough to leave that situation alone I dont hate him I honestly feel sad for him but we live and we learn and i too learned my lesson so it was not low self esteme it was a thing called love.

[Guest]

in my opinion, its the above but also:

because they wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side and it wasnt.
someone wooed them, offered something new, exciteing and then it wore off after a bit. or they thought the other person was so perfect, but actually wasnt.
its alot of reasons, and each will vary.

but for me..........iwould have love to have stayed with my ex, but will never accept her back. no matter how she pleads, begs, or whatever. never will i get back together with her. she left for a reason no matter if it was for another guy, bored, anger, someone fed her lies.......... it doesnt matter. bottom line is she left and didnt try to work things out.
"don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya"
another words.........if your gonna be gone, then and stay gone. i wont be second choice

[not-so-invinsible]

hmmm ... now that's a thinker ...

I am not getting back with my ex ... nor there is any of that happening ...

but my ex who had abondoned me when he found out I was pregnant had come back 6 years after and is keen on meeting my daughter ...

now the thing is when he had left I had sworn that if he does ever come back and have even dreamed of one day telling him to ..... (sorry) to his face some day, but now to my surprise I have opened my doors to him for the sake of my daughter's happiness (hopefully). I wouldnt want for her to miss the chance to get to know him ....

He had said he was stupid for leaving and that he had not been happy and that is sorry .... the thing is I dont feel any anger towards him now and that he had not heard any bad things from me when he spoke again ...

all that I have said was .... "all the hardships & humiliation that I have had to go through would not even equal the happiness that my daughter has brought to me & my family ..."

I am happy & in a better place definitely .... but ... but ... am I being so gullible for accepting him in such an easy manner and for letting him get off easily ...

sorry I think I am off-track here ...

[Guest]

ok, you said your daughter as only you, sorry but it he is the father its your daughter as both of you, even he walked out before her being born. but thats a different story.

as for you saying he came back 6 yrs later, well a decent amount of time did go by. maybe in the 2 yrs or earlier you would had kicked him in groin, but you also matured more, had time to date others, had time to cool down from rightfully being upset/mad/and flat out po'd.
as the time went on without him i would assume that you did not communicate with him during most of that time. maybe in the first year or so you did but then you both moved on, doing your own things.
your scars healed, and you grown up more, matured. so its ok. and a part of you loved him them and i am sure a part of you does now. and you also created a life together. you will always have a bond, no matter what.
its up to you if you talk and get to gether with him again.
for the reasons he left, can you forgive, forget, live with what was doone in the past?
if so, good start. but as the saying goes a leopard dosent change it spots holds true for the most part.
soome relationships have to be challenged and being young you might not understand and think wrong of a sitsuation. maybe he didnt lie and you are so stuck on he did, but now the time went on and you see it was possible he did tell the truth.
see where i going with this? alot changes in 6 yrs. you, him, life in general.

now when i said you, i meant anyone who has this type of sitsuation. not specifically you alone.

thik hard if you do let him back in your life relationship with him or lettinghim see his child and staaying friends. think about all.

[Guest]

Well unless there is some safety issue or some other kind of crazy drama with him and your daughter, you should let him back into her life.

As far as letting him back into your life, he needs to earn that if he ever does. Just allowing him to walk back in because you two have a daughter together isn't really in your best interest right now.

just a suggestion, but you should set boundaries with him and slowly adjust them after he earns it....

[Guest]

i'm losing it. my previous post was a suggestion for not-so-invisable, not really a response to the actual question. So...

why do females go back to their X's?

For a lot of the same reasons men do. In addition to what was posted above, most people just really dont like being alone.