[Guest]

I've seen some post on this and I guess this would be good for the Mens Health Board also but I wanted to see what some of the women and some of you guys that are on here say!

Some of you ladies I'm sure have had to deal with this issue...........with their current SO's or previous.

I am so beside myself and so aggravated with the way I've been lately........

As much as I hate to admit it these are things I've not dealt with for yrs. but since I've separated and going towards a divorce it get worse!

"Lack of confidence, lack of healthy cockiness, inconsistency, worry, worry, worry, always saying I'm sorry or apologizing, fear, anger, boldness,
hope, faith, unprincipled attitudes, there's more but at the moment my mind slips me, actually that's another! Always trying to explain myself like I haven't already done so, I can't just walk away and let the conversation be. I know everyone that follows my post see this in me, and that aggravates me too!
Most of these issues I haven't dealt since I was a young man maturing. It got worse right before and when the separation happened. It makes me angry, it hurts my male ego, pride what have ya, you see what I'm saying? It makes me frustrated because that's not the way I've been thru the yrs. Most of these have not been a serious problem for me, it seems to be debilitating me. I can't seem to snap out of it"!

I really don't feel sorry for myself, I'm not going to say I haven't felt sorry for myself hasn't everybody felt that way at some point in their life. I am sorry for the situation I'm in,

Some of you that have followed my post remember the night I got plastered and boo-hood over failing in my marriage, even realizing it's not been just me that has had issues.

I feel like a wimp! Maybe I am. The problem is I feel like I'm digging a big hole for myself and I won't be able to get out of it. It's a desperate feeling if you know what I'm saying. A feeling of despair. Falling, falling, falling!

I knew this girl at work and every time you turned around she was saying she was sorry, well ya know that gets kind of old and it's turns 1 off, does me anyway. I don't want to be like that, it's not the real me, but right now it seems to be, that's how real it is to me.

Why am I writing this, I don't know what else to do. I can't even stand the fact that I am. I'm admitting to something I don't want to admit. I actually forced myself to do it! Here's how it will work, I've done it too many time already. I'll get done posting this thread then get upset at myself for doing so because I can't stand the tho't of being this way...........Am I making any sense?

I've made some, what I would classify as friends here, yes friends and I hate the fact that I'm admitting to these things, I don't want to hurt our relationship. You might say well they really don't know you in person, you've never really met these people and probably never will, but that don't matter to me, I still have bonded to these people, it does matter!

Soooo...............???????????????

[WildChild]

Doubt very much that anyone here thinks less of you for showing some vulnerability. You are in a time of change and have been for some time. You've faced ill health, the very real possiblity of death, and now what amounts to a death in your marriage dissolving. I would wonder about you if you weren't feeling stressed and having some reaction.

Some of this is a matter of time. But getting busy doing some things you feel competent at would probably help. Got a car you can tinker with? Some projects around the house? Go volunteer at the local food bank or shelter - helping someone with a greater need can give you a sense of perspective. Sign up for a class in something completely different - not an online class - one where you have to go to campus and get around people. Is there anything that piques your interest? Never had time to give a try? Getting your mind and body engaged can't hurt, might help.

[Guest]

I know that would help and have made some feeble attempts but I fall back, If I could get some consistency to it I'm a firm believer it would at least help some. Getting there tho is another story!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

In-need we are young, yet mature.

If we were in our 20's we'd laugh and say pfttt and get on our merry little way with life.

But WC is right, it takes time to jump over fears.

I was frightened when I separated, read my blog... that was a few months ago only, where i completely let go, realising na, I am not old for goodness sake, it's all just re-beginning yet again, and smiled.

The fears you face are, stability, will i be loved "again" I use that loosly because it's really will i be actually "loved finally", fear of finances, fear of doing everything on your own, fear of having to make new friends, sadness of everything pretty much being left behind, that life, the way you knew life, with maybe only your job as consistent with what was.

I think when you see it all as a positive a great thing, new adventure, you can do what you want, come home when you want, get out of lonliness, you won't have any fear.. I don't.. Havent for months... I think it's the "lonliness" if you let it bite you in the bum.. I think people don't "believe" that they will find again, and even better, and they will meet new people even nicer, and that things will happen in a positive note even happier, that the fear of failure happens...

You have without a doubt made new friends here, ones that care and like your silly witt, haha, as well as your intelligence, once you realise that is what they see, and therefore you are actually you afterall, but now you will find some wicked new things happening that didn't happen often enough, or never, ever, happened before.

Maybe it's time to forget where you've been and concentrate on where your going.

Maybe, it's time to make realisation that no matter what you write, say, friends especially here, understand totally, why and so no apology is necessary.

Maybe, it's time you got out into that big wide world and stopped feeling lonley rather, start feeling young and free, what's out there that you wish before you had tried? And do it... New friends will follow... You will not feel lonley.

Get out of the rut and strut your stuff..

What you feel is normal in a seperation stage..

I am proof though love, that you do feel fantastic, different, happy and can find your happiness as a result if you throw away the fear and say this is now my life, and i have a chance to do things my way, everything, and find me again, and in doing so find others, and find the one.

CW

[Guest]

Amazing...........

I don't feel as I tho't I would, it actually helped to spill my guts. I don't regret posting like I tho't I would. I've never been able to admit that I'm less than anything I've been in the past. Now I realize I'm really not less, my circumstances have just changed, that's all. I am still the me that I've always been. Maybe all this sounds radical, it is, there's been some radical changes

After I sat back I was meditating over this mornings dilemma and reading WC and CW posts. WC has told me this stuff before but I wouldn't listen, this morning I heard her

I began to see I don't have to be like this. I know that sounds simple but when you're there in that state of mind, you feel there's no way out.

Monday morn I plan on putting words into action, getting out that is. I've already talked to a lawyer twice about going back to work some time ago and everything is in place. Never went at it.

Thx CW, You're a Champ! . I'm copying that post for a reminder!

I'm glad I woke up! .........ha,lol

If any women here have had similar issues with their SO's, feel free to post

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I just wrote this to someone else, not on here, and as I wrote it, I thought of everyone, thinking too much, about past... So, I am sharing.

Stop - pressing the pause button and press the Start button

CW

[Guest]

That's good CW what was worse for me I kept hitting the rewind button over and over again,
But yes the Start button is the Key to success.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well let's change it then In-Need, to yours and mine...

Stop hitting the rewind button, do not pause, and press the start button...

(Copywritten - by In-need & CW) 2009.

[Lakerat]

Inneed brother .......the things you are feeling and going thru are all normal ..we all feel them...most of us arent man enough to stand up and admit it....think about it...
how many people (men espically) will really stand up and say what they feel emotionally to all....scared...lonley..weak ....lost .....think about it.......whats harder to do...pretend your none of that....act as tho nothing is wrong......like a block of ice..cold... hard ....without warmth....or be human and admit...im not perfect ...I have problems and need help...or someone to listen

Their is a diffrence...in whineing for sympathy.....and talking with your friends.....personally i dont think you whine....you have had a trying year with all you have had to deal with.....I think you have probably come out of this way better than i could of....

You are looking within...seing what is wrong...what you dont like...what you need to fix...............................sounds to me like youve figured out what you dont like and what you want to change....your next step..(and you already know this) is to start makeing the changes you need ...

you have many friends here....this place isnt just for games...its also a suport group for us .....how many have you helped with your wisdom....how many have helped you....we smile ...laugh ....cry ...all togather.......

listen to WC and the Witch.......they know lots....and share all...

SMILE BROTHER....ya got friends...some in low places..haha...down under

[Guest]

Thx Lak, I know you're with me, I can depend on you, no doubt!