[thack]

In-Need, you have said things to me during my situation at hand that have helped me in ways. CW the same, WC as well, anyone and everyone that posted in my first thread helped me forward a little each time (and i still have a ways to move forward thats for sure).

I understand where you are coming from, it was almost liberating for me to start talking about this stuff, I opened up to a couple of closer friends, and opened up a little bit to guys I work with that are not necessarily close friends of mine.

This is a very trying time, no matter the age of the person, it takes time to move through, we all look at ourselves in the mirror first and feel "failure" wash over us, I still apologize to the picture of my son that I taped on the wall next to my bed daily, its heart wrenching.

From that Lak was saying, at times I almost feel like I am whining, but I dont know, I got hit with this hard. I dont know my reasons, but I probably will never understand it, we'll see I guess.

You should not feel weak or lack of confidence from this - took me a long time to realize that myself. Its not all you, it was aspects of both of you, marriages require 200% effort in my opinion, each has to put in their own 100% to make it work. That's not news to anyone reading this thread, or this section of the forum for that matter.

All I can say as a younger man going through a similiar situation is keep moving forward, keep looking on the horizon and see what you want to, I am trying to do that myself right now. Seeing some sort of shape of a finish line and pushing towards it.

I hope and pray for you, and I hope that you can continue to look at yourself with more confidence as each day goes on.

Ty

[WildChild]

I know where you are all coming from on this, cause I'm there too. Up and down. One day I'm strong the next I'm falling apart. But I have kids to take care of and a job to do and after several years of a sort slow torture, I came out of it and did the stupidest thing possible. Now I'm paying. It's not any easier when you are more mature. You may be less inclined to throw tantrums and engage in a lot of drama but it hurts just as badly maybe worse that when you are young.

It takes time and In Need you are right you have to keep self talking and working on it, constantly. It's easier to tell others to keep their chin up and they'll get through it than it is to feel it for your self. I get everyday and very purposefully stick a smile on my face and part of the time it becomes real. Just have to tough it out!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I saw a person without a smile
I gave them mine

I saw a tree with beautiful leaves
I never realised that before

Then i felt the breeze against my face
i never felt that before

I smiled...................

[thack]

Another thing!

In-Need,

I just wanted to add in this, it came to me a little while after I posted earlier.


YOU are the kind of person I look to in times like this, you have been there, done that, did not run from the problem, tried to work through it like a true gentleman/husband should. I have respect for men like you, I have no respect for men/women who just run from problems over and over and over again all the while never learning because they never look at themselves realistically.

I can only hope that once I reach your age I have wisdom to bestow on my younger family, friends, and my son.

And I agree with WC's post - every day goes back and forth, its crazy, I can only hope and pray it goes away for us all some day! -I have hope-

Stay strong, I have found strength through your situation and comments!
(mens-health.com is good and all, but its full of empty posts, and very odd questions, maybe WE ARE the weird sex, lol...)

lets all keep our chin's up today, stand a little taller, smile a little wider, and be friendly to someone we do not know, just for the sake of brightening someone else's day that may be having a bad one!

[Guest]

Wow! I just read the last 3 post and I felt every word,

thack, It really hit home what you said, I certainly appreciate it. Let me tell you about a conversation I just had with my son today.

He called me, wanting to see how things were going and such. We talked about my last trip to him. I made a 3rd trip to him just last wk. that I didn't mention, to most here but anyways. I had really intended to stay there for a while.

Then 2 days after being there I remembered him telling me about his in-laws that had divorced and both of them individually staying with him and his wife for months on end, I didn't know. Before that he had 2 brother in-laws ask of the same favor and were a lazy sort of bunch, never did anything around the house while he was at work paying the bills.

He commences to tell me how all that had gave him some what of a disrespect for her family, not that he didn't want to help them out or anything but it's just how they went about it (long story).

So this last trip I had actually decided to stay for a uncharted period of time, I just had to get away, part of it was I was running, part of it I was lonely!

So when I began to think of what he told me I remembered he has never asked me for anything thru his adult life, nothing, not even a dime! Where my stepsons had, and that's ok but the fact remains he didn't. I began to think, hey I don't want to be a burden to my son this way, the way these others have done and I don't want my daughter in-law to lose respect for me the way he had for them. So.... I tell him I'm going back home today and both his wife and him are heart broken that I'm leaving and tried to talk me out of it but I would not have anything to do with it!

So......today when he calls me he begins to reminisce how I use to carry him on my shoulders all the time but he couldn't exactly remember the last time and wished he could because he remembered it being something special to him. He tells me "Dad you carried me on your shoulders an it's the least I can do for you if you really need me is to carry you on my shoulders" I can't even express the feelings I had inside, I began to cry, holding back the tears, trying not to show the emotions, but couldn't. All I could say was "son I appreciate that and I know you would, I love you son" He was letting me know that I would not be a burden to him If I needed him, what more can I say, the rest is unwritten, I can't even tell the way I really felt. It's a heart felt thing that is unspeakable!

This has truly been the most unexplainable experience in my whole adult life!

[WildChild]

He sounds like quite a man. You did a good job with him.

[Lakerat]

yep ya should be proud brother.....keep

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What you showed in addition In-Need is that you are not a "user"..

Your Son saw this, noted it, and so phoned you...

More importantly, you made him reminise he was reminded of what you were like when he was a little boy, you bought back important memories for him...

And, in doing so, he bought them to the surfice for you, to you.....

You can't explain that because that is TRUE LOVE.....

And as others have said above, what a beautiful thing to know that you have raised a Son whom, has heart/soul and being... whilst also being a Man.

CW