is it considered cheating?

[miss.sin.t.uh]

Well I been with my boyfriend for about 3 years, actually he's my ex.
I broke up with him cuz i moved away, but i still go back home. I had plenty of reasons why i broke up whit him. Two main ones being that im away and that I felt like i needed time. I love the guy with all my heart and i want to be back with him eventually, he knows this. So he is waiting for me. He is older than i am and he has been with other girls before me, not sexually but just in relationships. I haven't. I feel like he's the one for me but i need time to experience other people before i decide what i want. Now, we lost our virginity to each other, im pretty sure he never had sex with anyone else but me. I on the other hand, have.
In fact im kind of seeing that other guy. the problem is i no longer have feelings for the other guy, i want my ex back. A bigger problem is that i dont know how to say no t o people, i havent told the other guy how i feel because i feel so bad. He really likes me. And my ex does too. I am currently having sexual relationship with both, i know its bad because it feels bad, but technically I am not committed to neither ant they know it.
i feel like a bad person, but i dont know how to end it with the other guy, hes so nice and he dosent deserve that.
and My ex, well hes my everything, and he doesnt deserve that either.
Should i tell him that i had sex with someone else?
or should i keep it to myself considering I'm single and its only my business.
WHen i was with him i never was dishonest so its weird keeping stuff away from him. But i believe he will stop talking to me if he finds out about this.

[Hopeless Dork]

i know its bad because it feels bad,(

What a wise observation. So many people try to find the right and wrong in things in the moral sense but most of the time, the answer is right there in the pit of our stomachs.

You need to follow your heart, if your heart is with your ex - you need to let the other guy go. It will hurt him but just tear the band aid off quickly and let him move on. What you are doing by continuing to sleep with him is just allowing him to develop even deeper feelings for you and love you even more when he could be closer to moving on already - hes stuck falling hard for you. Let him go.

No if he did nothing wrong, he may not "deserve" to be broken up with but if that isn't where your happy, you should stay and be sad just to not make him sad, in the end you will both just be sad if you do that. He deserves someone that loves him too, not someone tolerating him while secretly pining for another man. Be fair, be considerate but get don't let him hold on to the hope you two have something if you don't.

For your ex, if you two were broken up at the time - offering up the information that you slept with someone while you guys were on a break will serve no one any good. It will devistate him, you are right. Guys don't like to think of their first love being with any one else so if you can avoid it , even though you weren't wrong to persue your life when single, just leave it in the past.

If he specifically ASKS you however, if you slept with someone, that is a whole other monster because you will have decide if you want to lie for the rest of this relationship , to decide if you want to be that person... who then has to wonder if he's lying to you too, in comes the trust issues if its ever mentioned later.. for both of you.

[miss.sin.t.uh]

that is very wise of you to say.
thanks so much.


i know its hard but it is the right thing to do.
i will tell the guy how i feel as soon as i get the chance to.
i should do it in person right?
its always harder but better that way.

and my exboyfriend, i doubt he'll ask but who knows.
if he ever does, i wouldn't be able to lie straight to his face.

thank you so much again.

yea my friends tried to give me reasons to justify my actions.
but in the end, i noticed that if it feels wrong ,then i shouldn't be doing it

[1sweetbuttalove]

to be honest with you if yall broke up and it seems like you two are just friends with benefits i dont think its considered cheating i mean everything happens for a reason right??????? i would break it off with the guy you dont want and get together with the other i know its easier said then done but you have to do what YOU feel is right

[jdo309]

I feel for you because I am in the same situation. I cheated on my boyfriend before. You have to know which one you really want, make up you mind and stick to it. I feel that it is your bf. If so tell the other guy that you want to end relationship, take my advice, you shouldn't tell him in person because when you see him, you might end up not be able to break it off and still keep seeing him and may be sleep with him again, it will be harder and harder to break it off because your emotion is more developed.

As long as you let the other guy know, text or call, keep it short, so he can move on as well. Make sure to tell him that you want to be back with your bf, because you still love you bf whatever, be honest to yourself and the other guy, if he respect you, he wouldn't try to convince you to come back to him. After you tell him, there is no need to contact him again, even he contact you, don't respond. you have to stay clean.

For your bf, its your choice to tell him or not.

If you decide not to tell, you have to live with it. It will only hurt him if he know. Sometimes its better off not to know.

If you decide to tell him, be honest about it. If he ask you first because he suspect, you got one shot. Dont lie and try to cover up. It will make things worse if he find out later on. Be honest, at least it will make him feel better about you.

Now it depends on your bf, let him decide whether or not he will try to work thing out with you. Its up to him and respect his decision because you are the one who cheat. If you are lucky, he would forgive you and try to work things out with you. Most important, stay clean after he forgive you, do not contact the other guy no matter what,and tell yourself, don't let this happen to you again. If you can do it, you will earn your trust back one day.

If he decide not to be with you, you have to move on. I know, its hard to take but you have to.


If you still have more question, let me know. Hope this help you. Good luck.

[miss.sin.t.uh]

thank you guys so much.
i am going to break it off with the toher guy
i was going to wait to do in person but i always find it easier
another way. simply because i hate hurting ppl
i will end up crying while doing it
and ill go blank and forget about everythihng i wanted to say
but i am going to do it anyways in person. i don't want him
to think it was all a game for me. i dont want him to think i
dont really care about him. I just want to do what is right.
as for my ex. we're talking about being back together but
we are going to keep it as friends with benefits for now.

Im sure its him i want. But I wasnt ready for commitment, now I am. I just want to be with him, however i moved and we now live 100 miles away from each other. so we are going to see what happens. I wont tell him that i slept with someone else unless he asks. I know it would break him.
but if he asks i can't lie to him.

[lilduck]

MAYBE you should tell both of them that you are sleeping with someone else. see how they react. this could be a harsh but good test, cuz you;ll get to see how accepting they really are of you. i wouldn't be surprised if both storm off, but if you're meant to be with one, he'll come back if you chase him. but don't spend too long chasing... maybe this isn't the right way for you. whatever you do, all the best

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Im sure its him i want. But I wasnt ready for commitment, now I am. I just want to be with him, however i moved and we now live 100 miles away from each other. so we are going to see what happens. I wont tell him that i slept with someone else unless he asks. I know it would break him.
but if he asks i can't lie to him.

You can't hold secrets on the fact that you know in your heart they would leave you...

You can't build a life with someone without trust.

That's my thoughts.

There were reasons and as a result you found a solution imagine though if he found out through a friend of a friend?

Don't know.

We can make mistakes but relationships are built on trust....

Holding back is really lying.........

CW

[Guest]

MAYBE you should tell both of them that you are sleeping with someone else. see how they react. this could be a harsh but good test, cuz you;ll get to see how accepting they really are of you. i wouldn't be surprised if both storm off, but if you're meant to be with one, he'll come back if you chase him.

That's a pretty immature statement....not to mention i'll advised and downright wrong.

Any man with any self respect is going to RUN from a woman who treated him in such a way. Any man worth pursuing a relationship with wouldn't give that woman the time of day.

Wow.

[Guest]

You can't hold secrets on the fact that you know in your heart they would leave you...

You can't build a life with someone without trust.

That's my thoughts.

There were reasons and as a result you found a solution imagine though if he found out through a friend of a friend?

Don't know.

We can make mistakes but relationships are built on trust....

Holding back is really lying.........

CW

Once again.....agreed 100%.

I don't understand how anyone can expect to maintain a relationship based on lies.