[kms]

Your current situation must be so tough... going through the painful decision of breaking up with him yet he's still there where you can see him every day...

I think the reason why he's taking it all out on you is because you always took it before. He gave you , he yelled at you, he stole your stuff, he never listened to anything you said you needed... and you still took it and stayed. And gave him chance after chance. I'm sure he may think that you'll still give in. He still sees you as his easy victim. I'm sure the sooner he's completely out of your daily life and out for good it'll start to sink in. But I expect for the time being he'll probably continue to behave badly, or even worse. Since his behavior previously always worked and now it no longer isn't, he'll probably start to escalate, threaten more, be meaner, take more drastic measures to get what he wants. I think it's a very good idea to have police officer friends keep an eye on you until he's out.

Good luck with all that... keep us posted...

[WildChild]

I agree with KMS, he's gotten away with it for so long. Also part of it probably self hate and he sees you as an extension of that -if he's so bad and you are with him, what does that make you? He's not able to see you with gratitude and may never. You keep doing what is best for you.

Make copies of all important docs, update and check your insurance policies and coverage, get him off if he is a life insurance beneficiary, make sure your auto and home/renters coverages are good. Make lists of your property and take pics. Email it all to someone you trust and ask them to save it, so if anything happens you can prove what you had. If he has keys to vehicles you own, get them, lock up extra keys where he can't get at them. Put a exterior door type locks on your bedroom door and maybe the kids (you have the keys)? People who are habitual drug users/getting off it can be unpredictable. As you've said he may be in withdrawl. Be careful.

[Joy]

I've read your post and my heart goes out to you. I know you are making very hard choices at the moment but in the end it is the best for both of you. He needs professional help and I really hope he goes in May.

An addict is an addict and their only goal for the day is getting their fix. You will bounce back from this. If you feel that depression will show up on your door be proactive. Start an exercise or meditation program now. Something to decrease your stress level. Go to a friends house and laugh. Make sure you do something to reduce your stress level.

[mymirrose]

Joy, thank you for the reply. The hardest part right now is not being the "comforter" that I am. After Wed. night, you would think I would still be angry, but I don't stay angry long, so I start thinking about the potential he is wasting and what could be if he would try. Why do I do that? I can't wrap my mind around any one thing, if I could hold on to the anger, this would be much easier. I even try replaying everything in my head and it doesn't help. I see him wasting his life, wasting our life that could be and it just breaks my heart.
I have started doing yoga 2X a day instead of just in the morning, but when I am meditating, I end up crying and and feeling drained instead of being energized like I usually feel. I know this is a process, but it is a very difficult process and the struggle is wearing me out.

[WildChild]

Right now why not direct some of that comforting energy to yourself and your kids? You can't change him but you can change how you respond to him. He doesn't need comfort right now, he needs a good swift kick in the rear. Sometimes loving someone means being brutally honest. He is self destructing and will take you with him if you let him. But if you take away your comfort, support and willingness to take his nonsense he may wake up and save himself.

[mymirrose]

WC, from your computer to Gods ear! I pray that is what happens. I am spending more family time, trying to go out and do things away from the house, leaving him home to broad about things. He was very contrite last night, and I can see the pain on his face, that is what kills me (if he was a dog, I'd have him put to sleep, lol) just kiddin', but I am trying to get the kids thru this, myself? I am on auto-pilot right now. I try not to think about it all at once, cause then I get overwelmed. This sure is bringing back why I didn't date!

[mymirrose]

OK, confession time, I had a really bad weekend. Nothing happened (dramatic) that caused it, but Friday night I decided I didn't want to deal with anything anymore. I did REALLY stupid things, like wash a bottle of Advil down with a fifth of Yukon Jack, I drove to the police station to tell a friend of mine I did it so he could watch the kids, he wasn't there, they didn't believe me when I told them why I was there, but when one of them drove me home, they stayed with the kids and sent me to the hospital. I don't know why I was so destructive, but I sure do have more "stuff" to deal with now than I did before. I was trying what everyone said and not "expect" the depression to hit, and it blindsided me. My stay in the hospital helped a little, now I just have more to deal with.
OK, now ya'll can yell at me for being stupid..............

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am so sorry you felt it all got too much for you, I am pleased you went to the Police Station and therefore, hospital.

Hun, I know he owes you alot of money, but is it so much that you can't survive if you were to kick him to the curb?

Is it worth living with him in the house so he can slowly pay you back what is rightfully yours, or worth, somehow suriving without that money and without him in your life, full stop.

CW

[WildChild]

Oh dear, Rose,

I'm so sorry you felt a need to make such a cry for help. I hope you haven't done yourself any lasting damage. Having a relationship fall apart or hit a really tough spot can be difficult but your children need you to be there for them and this isn't the end of the world. Don't make a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

You've been pushed to the end of your rope, it may seem. But you can handle this and get through it and come out a stronger person.

I'm so glad you had the presence of mind to get help. Now you must really take care of yourself and be good to yourself. It's time to face the issues and start to heal.

[mymirrose]

Thank ya'll for your posts, I expected to get more heck! CW, I had already decided I can make my own money, I don't need him to pay me back, I can't wait for that. WC, the damage I have done to my life is extensive, but for the moment, I am in control. I thought I was in control last week, guess not.
I went to an AA meeting at the hospital, I don't drink very often, so I didn't think I needed to, but once there they made me realize, I only drink to kill pain and I need to learn not to do that. So, I am in a little more control than last week I guess????