[Joy]

I know exactly what you are say..... i understand... Ya know you don't need to fix yourself to perfection. Its great that you are working on self awarness but ya know you are a work in progress so don't try and fix everything at once. Been there done that or thought i had!

Its great to listen to people and help people but you honestly can't fix anyone but yourself. You can't carry their burrdens even when you want too. Even if it hurts to see the struggle. Eventually you have to give it back to them. They need to experience that problem first hand for their own personal devleopment.

good luck some old habits are hard to kick...

[mymirrose]

Joy, I know I can't fix everyones problems, but they are easier to deal with than my own. I am trying to deal with my own problems (Thank God I am not too much of a perfectionist or I would have given up long ago!) I am trying 1 step at a time. I am actually, for probably the first time in my life, not able to deal with other peoples problems right now.
Last night was a bad night, I have so much anger, most of the time I can deal with it. Then sometimes, like last night, it consumes me. I have never been able to deal with anger of any kind, anger expression was never allowed when I was growing up. That is something I need to work on. Any suggestions????
I know that some of the things I am angry about are justifiable, but alot of what I am angry about is how "I" perceive a situation. Retraining how I see things is very hard. I bring my insecurities into play when I view a situation. I guess the first step is realizing the problem, the next step is the trying to change it.
I thank ya'll again for letting me vent and giving me feedback.

[Joy]

no but you are right they seem to be easier to fix then our own at times.. totally agree with you.

As for the anger its a stage so all you can do is feel it, aknowledge it , let it go. Anger will only slow you down, age you, in the end depress you.

I think it is healthy you are trying to find a way to express and deal with it. Its part of the healing process.

[mymirrose]

The problem is the anger is all-consuming. I have tried to pick it apart, but I can't find any one thing to deal with, or even a few things, it is like a big ball of yarn with many different beginnings and endings. My mind jumps from one thing to the next with out dealing with any of them. I am even trying to write them down, to keep them organized, and I am having trouble finishing the first thought when the second, third, etc start crashing in. I guess I am just a mess and expect immediate results?

[Joy]

I think its great you are writing them down.... then you can wait go back re read and really think is this something you are angry about now or just something you are hanging onto. Sometimes its just a memory and we don't even realize that we are still hanging on to it letting it affect who we are today.

Like you said some of your anger is legit and some is not.... its wading thru it all that takes time. I've been thru the process of holding on to anger that didn't really exsist any longer and it served no purpose in my life. just a weight that i no longer had to carry. It may have not been mine to begin with... just something i picked up along the way.... i hope that makes sense to you.

[WildChild]

Joy is right. Just write. You don't have to be 'organized' about it. Just get it out of your system. Then you can start to get more clarity about what is important. As big as some of it seems right now, most of isn't. We women have a tendency to lose our sense of perspective when we are stressed - we see everything as an equally big deal. The overdue library book starts to look as important as replacing the transmission. LOL
It will all start to look different soon, deep breath, slow down and deal with one thing at a time.

[mymirrose]

WC, I definately don't have perspective on problems right now. The dishes are as big of a problem as the bills! A guy friend of mine said "Hey, there is a light at the end of the money tunnel, you should feel good about that" well, there are so many tunnels, light at the end of one isn't helping. It must be a guy thing, if money is the problem, and there is an answer, then everything else will be fine? I don't know.
It's funny, the monetary problems, I can deal with, the emotional ones, I have blocked out cause I cannot deal with them right now. I am dealing with the things that I can physically fix, I guess then I will deal with the emotions and how I feel about all of that. Thank ya'll for letting me get it all out, I would bottle it all up and explode if I didn't have ya'll to talk to.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think if your mind is doing 100 to 1, and you can't focus on one issue, jumping to the other issue, and the dishes also become a problem and you feel even angry about them laying around that they also need "fixing" and you can't cope with being there for other's helping them with their problems then:-


You are "overloaded" you can not think, concentrate, write it all down without it all getting jumbled, take one step at a time, it's not possible, your overloaded with thoughts, images, problems, stress.

In my "opinion" you need to go visit an Aunty, friend, grandparent, someone who is a relaxing person who just chills, and take time out for you... Get away from it all for a week, the whole cabudle cadice.... Get.

When you get to this point you need an escape... For yourself, so your brain doesn't have to concentrate, think, where you can get up what ever time you want, laze around and read a book, eat when you feel like it, not have to speak to anyone if you don't want to, yet have company.

You need to in-other-words give your brain a rest and let your body relax...

CW

[mymirrose]

CW, I wish I could do that. For now, I am taking "mini-vacations" sometimes just to my bedroom or taking a bath. Most of them are in the middle of the night because I can't sleep, but at least the kids are asleep and I am not interupted. lol
I do visit friends, but they can only focus on how angry they are at what was "done" to me, that is why I talk to ya'll, I can say what I am really feeling with out the "look" about what I am feeling. If my heart hurts and I am sad, I can tell ya'll. I was up most of the night last night, analyzing how I feel, not about the bills etc, but my feelings on the ex-SO thing. I feel really detached from those emotions right now. There isn't pain or anger, just emptiness. Maybe it is my mind knowing I can't deal with it yet, I am not sure. But it helps the thought process when you don't feel anything.

[WildChild]

Try to get at least one thing done each day, something you can cross off the worry list. If you can enlist some of those angry freinds... tell them tha you need some help coping and could they give you a hand for an hour or two with completing some thing? One of the features of depression can be an inability to act on your own behalf. You may be able to do things for others but for some reason can't for your self. I've been through this, it's frustrating. You look back at the end of the day and realize you didn't actually DO anything productive. In The Heronine's Journey, she talks about this as a needed time for us heal but in our lives we can't always do this and support ourselves. We need to stay functional even if we are taking more time to delve into the depths and having a cheering section can help, having a friend come by and say alright lets tackle this, can get you moving.