[WildChild]

There is a time for giving people heck and a time for just being there for them. I suspect you will give yourself quite enough 'heck'. I'm glad you have made some self discovery from this. You'll have repair work to do but try to think of this as a growth experience, sometimes they are very painful. If you can know yourself better from this and gain greater compassion and understanding it may serve you in some surprising ways.

[mymirrose]

Thank you WC, and yes, no one is harder on me than me. I am trying to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am learning alot of things about myself.
No light in tunnel yet and self-discovery is "ugly" sometimes. I had an interesting conversation with LD last night, he was very supportive over the weekend, but last night I got to hear all the "terrible" things that are my fault. I didn't run and get a drink (though I wanted to) I guess in my "self-castigating" mood, it made sense to me and i could agree with a few things, so I just sat there. But to be honest, I didn't really need the added guilt. Today, I can analyze what was said and feel a little stronger because I know what is my fault and what isn't. As my Nanny said "this is a rough row to hoe, but God wouldn't give you more than you could handle with Hi there to help". I just have to remember that.

[WildChild]

Try to take his dumping on you as a way to learn but remember that he is avoiding responsiblity for his part. He's been an irresponsible jerk, you can't take his burden for him because where ever he goes he will take it with him. We each chose our responses to our own or other's actions. No matter what you have or haven't done he has chosen to lie, steal, drink, drug, drive under the influence.... That wasn't you and don't you dare accept the blame for it. Those were his choices!

You work on being the best you, you can be. He's got to come to accept his own role and responsibility.

[mymirrose]

WC, were you a psychologist in a past life? lol
I am a big one for self-responsibility, he is an avoider of it. This morning I realized what was my responsibility and what was his, so I was able to cross things off of my mental "guilt" list.

[WildChild]

I've done a lot of learning the hard way! I'm a people watcher and all my life people have confided in me, so I've been an observer to a lot. Top that off with being fairly analytical. Thing is when I'm directly involved I find it a lot harder to see things. Everyone of us can occasionally use some input from an outsider.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am a big one for self-responsibility, he is an avoider of it. This morning I realized what was my responsibility and what was his, so I was able to cross things off of my mental "guilt" list.

An emotional abuser, or a person who can't accept their own responsitiblities, faults in life, are never wrong, will ALWAYS, shift the blame to the other person, as to why they do what they do, it's YOUR FAULT...

I suspect, as the next couple of days go by, you will also be able to counter-act a couple of other things that you can cross off the list, because if he wasn't so irresponsible and non-concerned for anyone but himself some of the thing he has mentioned would not have occured from you...

As my Nanny said "this is a rough row to hoe, but God wouldn't give you more than you could handle with Hi there to help". I just have to remember that.

I also am a believer that things come in threes. Another words, things come all together, somehow with one blow, it's accepted to have another and another, it feels like it's all crashing down on you, but your cope mechanism allows you to cope with three blows, and once you have, there are no more for quite sometime..

That to me is better than having a huge blow, and then nothing, then another huge blow, then nothing, etc, etc... that would be very difficult to cope with.

And, sometimes things happen that make you smile, like you expect to get blasted here and it didn't happen, rather support.. A good thing.

Yes, any form of abuse to your body, is usually to kill pain... what you have to do is oliminate the pain.

If you can do without his money, for all he has done, you will breathe the fresh air and potter in your kitchen cooking just for you and feel free and good about yourself, if you set him free and out the door...

CW

[Joy]

Hey rose,

No worries... a bottle of advil won't kill you... it may make you sick but it won't kill ya. It was a desperate cry for help which you what you need... help!

ppl were only trying to help you with coping mechanisms by being proactive about your despression triggers... exercise, eating better foods with less sugar and less processed, getting more rest to help combat the stress levels that are draining you...

Doing all of the above will also help you feel in control of your situation that may help the stress level. You need to stay healthy and take care of yourself.... nut ure yourself instead of being destructive.

I don't think you are stupid.... you need help dealing with emotions and feelings you have.

[mymirrose]

Joy, thank you and I am trying all the suggestions that I receive. CW, I am trying to list all the good things I have to be thankful for (ya'll are at the top of my list of people to be thankful for!) As for things coming in 3's, I hope I have had my 3 cause I am not sure I can handle anymore right now. And WC, I have always been the person people confide in also, it is easier when I am not directly involved.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Perhaps you take on too many people's problems, save every cat in the street, stray dogs, stray men, take on all the responsibilities and help solve the world.

In which case, if this sounds like you, you need to also "take time for you", because if you don't it can consume you to the extent where you feel depressed, because everyone, and everything is dumping their negative energy onto you, are they not...

So how can you feel alive and happy?

CW

[mymirrose]

CW, I am a fixer. I try to fix everything. If you give me a problem, I will work tenaciously to fix it! That is one of the good things I got out of my little "302" experience, I have learned to analyze why I react the way I do, what causes me to feel the way I do and if what I am feeling is real or just how I perceive it. Does that make sense? I have also started journaling again, which helps me when I go back and look at what I write. So I am trying to fix myself, very difficult to change old habits, but I am working on it.