[Mommy2Eryn&DJ]

So, we’ve had a lot of tension, he’s been in and out of the house, hanging out with friends more, and that was fine with me because I know you get to that point in the relationship where you don’t have to be stuck under each other BUT, check this out, my friend is going through some guy problems so Friday, I texted my hubby (he was out) I said” hey honey, Nicole is having guy issues so I’m going to take her out tonight, you don’t care do you? If you want to hang out just us, I’ll just go out with her another time” then he texted me back a few minutes later “idc if you go out” ok that’s was that I get ready…whatever, then all of the sudden while I was getting ready he gets home. takes his clothes off and lays on the bed, so as Im done I go to him and I say “im leaving baby, give me a kiss” and he goes “naw I’m good” and I was like “huh?” and I wasn’t going to beg so I just left…..then as I’m going that down the steps, he yells “don’t expect me to come home tonight” and I was like “who says that to their gf?” we exchanged words and I left, I guess he thought that I was going to stay but I just left…then he texts me and says “u think you can just go places without telling,me, I got you..don’t be mad when Im gone with some1 else” ok mind you I know hes saying these things out of anger so I said “I told you I was going out with Nicole and Im going here blah blah, and I cant believe you would say that to me, go be with whoever you want” then he keeps texting me saying things like if I go out, its over between me and him, and that he hates me and hes dead to me don’t text or speak to him ever again”
I couldn’t believe it…I was so shocked, but I went out and had a good time, I even hung out with his sister because she was at the same place and some of his friends were there as well and they hung out said hello etc…I would never disrespect him so anyway..I come home and he wasn’t there then the next day I texted him and told him to get his stuff out of the house while I wasn’t there and he never replied back..then I come home Saturday night and I find him laying on the bed sleep…I didn’t say anything he didn’t say anything..nothing, then Sunday he doesn’t speak to me at all…but then like later in the day he asked me to go out to eat with him and his sister and IM like? How could he think we can just go out to eat after all that happened and we haven’t even talked or anything…I said no to that, then he text me again and asked me to come over his sisters house and I said not of course..then around 7 he came home and didn’t speak to me…went to sleep didn’t speak to me….Im not tryin to talk to him unless he speaks first because I have done nothing wrong..NOTHING…I love him, but I’m not sure that’s going on…???

[WildChild]

Wow! What a trantrum! Sounds like he's trying to control you, failing and having a hissy fit. You were polite enough to let him know what you were up to and with whom, when he got threatening, you called his bluff. You two certainly need to do some talking. I'd watch out for knee jerk responses, tell you need to talk about his behavior and set a time. Don't be surprised if he tries to play a blame game or make you out to be wrong in some way. This really immature sounding behavior. He thinks he can where he wants, when he wants, threaten to go with other women and just shut up and say nothing?

I wouldn't focus so much on this specific behavior though, as on what is going on in his head? Sounds like you've hit some sort of crisis point that needs to be dealt with. Maybe a counselor would be helpful, sometimes having an unvolved third party really helps, they see things neither or you do and keep the discussion on track so you are dealing with the real issue instead of side issues.

[Mommy2Eryn&DJ]

and hes acting like everything is ok, so i called him out just 2 minutes ago i texted him and asked him why he thinks its ok so degrade me and disrespect our home and still think im suppose to be ok with him..he hasnt replied and wont reply....idk what to do..i think hes a mean ..heartless person..because how can he just act like there is nothing wrong?

[Chantalemma]

I agree, Definetly talk. I was somewhat in a situation like this before and I didn't talk and let it ride like you are doing. When we did talk, it was too late. He was already gone. We drifted apart. If I were you, I would sit down an talk as soon as you can. It doesn't hurt anybody. Good luck.

[Mommy2Eryn&DJ]

he said oh when people are angry they say things they dont mean blah blah....its no excuse

[WildChild]

He may not know why he is acting this way. He may have plugged into some old drama or kneejerk response and feel like a real idiot and not want to examine his own behavior let alone discuss it. My SO has done this, every once in a while something completely out of place will come out of his mouth (usually about his ex wife) and I just ignore it because I know, he knows it was completely stupid but we've talked about in the past.

At some point you have to deal with it. Better sooner than later - just don't get your self hyper emotional, on the defensive or super accusatory. You just want to know What does he think he's doing and Why?

[Hopeless Dork]

You should be so proud of yourself. What you did was an example of what should be done in that situation. Like Wildchild said, you told him what you were doing... when he threw a tantrum YOU CALLED HIS BLUFF. Key. Very important. Had he said those things and you stayed home to pacify him... you would be under his thumb and he'd know it. He'd treat you even worse because he knows that you are too afraid to lose him to do a thing about it.

You acted strong, secure. Was he really going to leave you because you went out with a friend? Heck no. Did he have to take off for the night to try and save face? Of course he did. Sounds like now he is probably just embarassed over the whole thing and wants to bury it...hence asking you to hang out without discussing the events of the weekend. Rubbing it in his face might not be the best thing for you guys as a couple right now. He said he was going to leave... he came back - that should be all you need to see right now to know he is probably sorry for what he said and behaved like.

Should he appologize for being such a spoiled brat that day and the following days? Yes, yes he should? Will he? Maybe not yet, his ego and pride were probably bruised a little when you walked away from his threats. Give him some time to come around on that.

[sourpuss]

he said oh when people are angry they say things they dont mean blah blah....its no excuse

That is never an excuse. I don't buy that at all when people say that. If anything, people are more honest when they are angry and flying off the handle.

[Hopeless Dork]

I agree with you sourpuss, at least from me personally. When I get upset, I tend to let it go.. it builds and builds and when I finally blow up - I say everything that has been upsetting me for so long. I don't say things I don't mean, I say my fears... my worst thoughts imaginable (and yes sometimes they are not nice) but its all coming directly from my gut.

I can appologize and say that it was not cool for me to say the things I did. But I can't say I wasn't thinking them when I said them. I was... most definitely.

[WildChild]

That's why you need to schedule time to talk. What you say in anger may be true-at the time, but it may not really be accurate when you think about it. When we get angry or scared we may pull into deep old reactions, hurts and fears that aren't really part of what is going on now. We need to deal with them but they may not really have anything to do with the present situation. We'll be working with displaced emotion then. You say and do things that are really hurtful and you may regret - badly, later. Have you ever had someone do that to you? They come up with stuff in a heated deiscussion that leaves you wondering who the heck they thought they were talking to? Because you never did anything remotely like what they are going on about? I've dealt with this more than once with the ex-who-screwed-around thing. The man starts in with some nonsense about you/she did or said this or that, and I'm just looking dumbfounded asking, "who and when? It wasn't me."

You have to watch the hyper emotional stuff. If you are both in that state, you're dealing with everything emotionally and can lose all rational thought. Then if something like that gets thrown in, instead of saying, "bingo - old stuff you need to deal with" You take as being directed at you and emotionally react as if it were your stuff instead of their old junk.