[WildChild]

No one can Make you do something you feel is inappropriate or that you are uncomfortable with unless you allow it.
Are your children his?
How old are your children?
How long have you been together?
Why aren't you working? What does that have to do with him?
Do you have family in the area?
What do you think would happen if you called his bluff and refused to do what he demands?
Is he physically abusive?
This is an abusive relationship. Do you want your kids growing up believing that this is how adults interact? That this is how a woman should act and be treated? You need to get out of this. Quit thinking about where you are and start planning for where you want to be. Set a time frame for yourself to get out and then determine what you will have to do to get there.

[momopi]

Today we were just talking and he got defensive and mean and went straight for the throat.... This is his style of fighting... he fights with me like he is fighting with another man.

Isn't this violence against women? I would either go straight to the police or to my parents' house after.

Or find a therapist for him. :S

[WildChild]

The OP already explained that was a play on words. Go for the throat being metaphorical not physical.

[Joy]

Wild Child... you were 100% correct. A week ago however one minute we were in bed going to sleep and chatting the next it was WW3. He has been going into a depression and this was a crashing point. He really scared me with his tactics. Ive been in shock for a week and havne't really been on this site cause I feel a 100 different ways about it all. I can't even write it out to explain how I feel.

I"m really scared for him... he is drowning in his own emotions and feels powerless. I booked him a DR's appointment for this week. I'm scared for myself and trying to figure out what to do next.

We've had one fight in the past were I open hand slapped him on the chest and he shoved me away that was 2 years ago. The man that attacked me last week was not my boyfriend of 5 years. At the point were we was slamming me into the wall and it broke thru... I started swinging my arms back..... it was all very bizzare ended with some more yelling of get out.

Then he came back to our room after a half hour or so and wanted to talk and he was "my bf again" He was sorry and actually opened up and we cleared the air on a lot of topics. We said what we needed to say on very touchy subjects that normally we can't even touch on... I had no fear it would erupt into anything bad or physical again. There was this aura of understanding and peace around us.

This has definitly made a change in our relationship...... I'm not scared he would ever hit me again cause the damage we did scared us both.

Right now i'm focused on getting him Dr's and getting better before we can even discuss if, when and why we should really not be together.

Thank you CW for being there and listening to me that night... I was so scared cause that wasn't my bf... those were some strangers eyes.

I know there are other women out there that deal with this..... their bf or husband have been diagnosed as schizo or bi polar and they get messed up and need help. Depression hurts everyone involved.

I have a lot to sort out from all of this

[WildChild]

I dealt with the BP/BPD and depression for 9 years. It can be very scary, they may not remember what they did. There is so much anger in them, thing is it really isn't you - it's them. I got raged at for "hating" his father for, ""what he had done". Having met his father for about two days only, I had no idea what the man was talking about and when asked he would shut down and refuse to talk about it. (I think my kid's dad was actually BPD which is the result of emotional trauma). When he started verbally making plans for hurting my kids, I got out.

You need to see the counselor too, without him and tell them everything that has gone on. Much as you may want to help this man, you must care for yourself first. And if it is BP there is a genetic componet. Coule you live with a man and a child who had this?

[Joy]

Thanks Wild Child I know you have dealt with this and have already given me good advice to follow.
Me I"m just tired.... I listen to him and his problems and when he is going thru a depression I have to keep my feelings mostly to myself... cause he is the one unbalanced and feeling low. I know he can't do much to change this its a body chemical thing. This has been going on for 3 weeks and we've been riding it thru.

See he tells me he feels one way about situations or how his friends have treated him... then he does the complete opposite. He doesn't have a problem telling me how it is but he could never be that rude to his 2 best friends. That tick him off and he sweeps it under his lil pile until he loses it.......... ON the WRONG person... being me!

This will take a few weeks to sort out so trying to be tolerant and understanding until he is on his feel again.