[WildChild]

You've had a lot of loss but none of these loved ones is truly gone so long as you hold them in your heart. You say your mother was a strong woman who faced adversity and lived her own life after her long term marriage ended. That strength is in you, draw on it. My mother died when I was 21 and it was tough, my sisters and I became closer because of it, I don't know what I would do if I lost one of them but I know they would not want those they left behind to sink into dispair.

Pursue your passions, make the most of what you have, find reasons for joy. Look at how many people still have all their loved ones in their lives but don't appreciate them. You know how unpredictible our time can be, sieze each day and live if fully!

[mdraven380]

Once again I chose to look when I shouldn't have.
I looked at my boyfriends ex's myspace page only to find that she is now harrasing me and kicking me when I'm down.

This is what she had written:
Been there, done that, had that nightly in more ways than anyone can ever image and wanted to know How DO I Taste??? ..

Female
44 years old
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania
United States



Last Login: 8/3/2009
Mood: argumentative 
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~~ CINDY ~~ You could never ever be so lucky to be a grandmother, let alone a mother, or a wife. Soon my dear life will be very lonely for you. Not much family left,,,,,,,
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So these are the kinds of statements I now have to put up with! I sent a e-mail to Myspace about her cyberbullying. I can't take this anymore. When will she ever go away!!!

[WildChild]

Why are you bothering to look at her page?

[mdraven380]

I feel it is a compulsion. I have OCD and I think if I keep checking I can keep up on things to make sure nothing is going on behind my back. My Boyfriend has been really nice to me and is trying to make things up to me by taking me out to dinner and helping me with house work.
I wish I could just stop looking.
I guess I have to force myself.
What is her purpose for lashing out at me?
I feel it is so she can somehow get my boyfriend to respond.

[WildChild]

Let this go. You are making it work for her. If you don't look or respond, she gets no satisfaction from it really. She will either back off or escalate - which will show her true colors. I doubt you are OCD, true OCD is rather rare. But when life has repeatedly made us feel that everything is out of control it is a normal reaction to try to gain control over what we can. Be aware of the behavior and of when it is causing problems. After I was raped I went through many years of needing to have everything clean and very organized, my car was spotless, I polished even the door hinges . My books were arranged precisely, if someone moved one book, one space over, I would know it. I kept track by code on my calendar of what I had worn everyday so I wouldn't wear the samething in a week or on the same day of the week in a month. If you saw my car and home now you would see I got over it. LOL. Maybe a little too much so.

Find some healthy ways to gain a feeling of control in your life. Keep a regular schedule for sleep and meal times, keep your space clean and organized. Be aware and don't over do it. Self talk, ask your self if what you are doing is reasonable or a compulsive response? Occasionally, purposefully challenge your needs in this letting something go or get a little out of order, the world won't end you'll see.

Understand that we are each here for just a short time, make the most of it. No one truly leaves you unless you forget them. That doesn't mean hold on in a iron grip but let them flow though your life, as you flow through theirs.They have things to do while they are here and so do you. What is your life's purpose? Your life's mission? What do you have to learn while you are here? We each have a purpose in this life cycle and we can each find a way to fill it in joy. Focus on that.

[mdraven380]

Thanks WC
You are right about not looking and not responding to her. This only gives her power. She is showing her true colors and my BF is seeing it also.
I know I have anxiety and depression but the counselor recently told me I had OCD too, which I never really thought I did. I just know that my mind gets stuck on one thought and it is really aslmost impossible to let it go.

I hope I find my purpose soon.

I'm so sorry to hear that you were raped. That is awful!

[WildChild]

Being raped was a long time ago, although I wish it hadn't happened, ultimately it made me a more compassionate and understanding person. It was my choice to use the experience that way.

Being told you "have OCD" or OCD tendancies by a counselor doesn't necessarily mean that you have a problem. Almost anyone could be found to have some "OCD" type behavior, it's really a matter of degree. What most of us lable as "habits". I have to floss and brush brfore I can sleep well. That's a habit. Now even if I counted how many strokes I used the floss on each tooth side and brushes on each tooth, that might just be training and habit. As I understand it OCD would be more if I lost count while brushing and felt I had to start over with the flossing.

You may well be an HSP, a highly sensitive person. Elaine Aron has written a wonderful book on this. Why not give it a read and see what you think? 10-20% us are and we respond differently. Understanding yourself can really help.

[mdraven380]

Thnks WC, I will find that book and read it.

I did it!!!! Everyone will be so proud of me. I deleted his ex's profile so that I can no longer read the awful comments she writes about me or be tempted in any way to read them.
I'm not going to waste anymore precious time letting her get in the way of my relationship with the man I love!

My ocd is not that severe. When I used to do homework in college if I messed up the paper I was writting I would start all over again. But I don't sit there and count jelly beans and other stuff all day long. I do think I'm a HSP. I get what my mom used to call a "gut feeling" about a lot of things and can't tell right away when things are off so to speak. My mistake in the past was to constantly ignore the gut feeling because I didn't trust my feeling all the way. In the end my gut feeling was always accurate.

I'm gonna go do somethin constructive now that I'm not wasting my whole day looking at what some dummie posted about me,lol

[WildChild]

Good for you! Do read that book, Being HSP is about far more than "gut" feelings. We notice more, see farther reaching implications, think things out more, do more self examination. And in many cultures are seriously undervalued.

[Sunshine6180]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I know that it can be really hard loosing your family, I lost my mom whe I was 14, and I just began to take back my life last year and I am now 29. The pain that you feel will never go away, but it's up to you to let this experience make you or break you. I don't really want to get into detail about my experiences,after all this is about you, but I can tell you first hand that if you allow youself to become weak and dependant, you will destroy yourself. I was depressed for 13 years, no medicine, no therepy, no man could cure my depression. As far as your situation goes with your bf and his ex, pray, girlfriend, pray. First of all, you have to realize that the Devil is busy in your life right now because of the losses that you have suffered. Emotionally and mentally you are under attack and he will use it against you, he will make you feel like you're all alone and no one cares about you or what you're going through, espcially your bf, because he's the closest person to you. You have to realize that he may feel badly for you but he dosen't understand how you feel or what you're going through. Men tend to grieve differently than women and they don't always understand why we make ourselves suffer like we do especially when you portray yourself to be a strong person. The ex won't leave him alone because she can't deal with seeing him happy with someone else. She's probably even surprised that he is over her and not interested in leaving you for the hope of her love. Truth be told, if he did leave you for her, he would regret it because she'll never leave her husband for she just wants to string him along and you for that matter. As long as you feed into her bs shes going to continue to taunt you. She knows what has happened to you and quite frankly, she dosen't care, she wants you all to be miserable so that she can be happy. My bf has never been married but he has two kids with his ex gf, she hates the fact that we are together because I make him happy. She thought that he wouldn't get over her soggy but when he did and we moved in together she didn't know what hit her. We've been together for five years and she still hates me. I used to think that he would leave me to go back to her it used to make me sick to just think about it so I started doing anything I could think of to show him that I was the one that he needed to be with, I cant believe Im writing this I feel so stupid now, because everything I did was a waist of time and energy but when I stared praying and reading the Bible, I rebuilt my faith and things started to turn around. Prya her out of your lives every time you tink about it just ask God to remove her from your life. When she put something else on myspace for you, you send her a picture of your booty and tell her to just kiss your bumper, then you tell her your bf dosent mind. No Im joking just ignore her, she wants to cause havoc in your life because you did something that she thought couldnt be done and claimed his heart. Thrive off of what people hate about you the most, because most of the time thats what makes you the best. I hope that you can find the strength to deal with your loss I feel so sad for you. I will keep you in my prayers.